Warm Scuzzies #52
Charles E. Phillips

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #120

Andre Bauer

Hugo Chavez Makes Bid to Surpass Pat Robertson for the

Crackpottiest Theory of the Haitian Earthquake

Did you see the Nick Gillespie droid

on the Glenn Beck Show? It was so

lifelike you couldn't tell it from

the real thing.

World's Worst Yobs #149

Theodore Beale

Look at Tom DeLay and Calvin's doctrine of 'Total

Hereditary Depravity' starts to make a whole lot

of sense.

Obama Calls Campaign Finance Ruling `Devastating',

Has No Idea What to Do Except Talk About It in

Complete Sentences

"Careful, master, he's not a hard-shell Baptist, as we

thought; he's a pre-Pope John XXIII Catholic!"

Would it be fair to say that Frank Zappa was a musical

genius who also had a gift for pissing people off?

"No foxes in this hole, sir!"

"Everybody's got something to hide except for me and

my monkey," the Afghan boy said. But the expression

on his monkey's face, as well as his own, created a

modicum of doubt as to the truth of his affirmation.

What a shame! He was only a few days out of

the womb, but fear had already made him look

like a member of the Grand Old Party.

"Before I was created, God asked me if I would rather be

Jonah Goldberg or a monkey. Quite frankly, that was one

of the easiest questions I've ever answered."

"I know I may be a bit biased, but Bullwinkle always

makes me smile. Not laugh, mind you, just smile."

For those of you wanting to get nowhere fast,

have you considered a motorized La-Z-Boy?

"Take it from me, folks: if you think you can be either

an 'elite populist' or a 'popular elitist', you'll end up

like me: a skull with a silly hat riding on the ass end

of a chopper."

Martha Coakley Being Led Away to a Bay State

Glue Factory for Sticktoitiveness Rehab

"Yeehaw! Chandu the Magician lives!"

"Fly's undone, Hopey McChange!"

Fatness Increases Cancer Risk

(Unless Heart Disease and

Diabetes Kill You First)

"I'm sitting on top of the world

Just rolling along

Just rolling along

I'm quitting the blues of the world

Just singing a song

Just singing a song."

The day finally came when the entire country

was turned into one giant corporation; the

middleman---the Congress---was eliminated;

and Burger King was named CEO of USA, Inc.

Is there anything sadder than a one-man parade?

Sign of the Times #7

Remember when The Joker was happy?

John Solomon, former WaPo staffer and former executive

editor of the ultra-right Washington Times, is now back

at the Washington Post as a freelancer. The transitions

from and to, and to and from, appear to have been

ideologically and politically seamless.

Senator John Thune,

Corporate Concubine

John Roberts Named Chairman and CEO of

Supreme Court, Inc.

After the Supreme Court opened the floodgates

of corporate political contributions, Senators

adopted a dress code more in line with the

wishes of their owners.

"Tell us, Ms. Huff, do you now consider yourself to be

'The Woman with the Curious Hand'?

Warm Scuzzies #51

Judson Phillips

They were drawn to her like flies to horse manure.

How Cindy McCain Self-Censors What She Really

Thinks about Her Mavericky Husband

Scott Brown and the Availables Ready to Rock the Beltway

Yesterday's pessimist said the glass was half empty.

Today's pessimist says the glass is not only half

empty, but the water it contains is contaminated

with E. coli and is evaporating rapidly.

Teenage Mutant Tuber Turtle

Allegories for Our Time #14

Republican Party

Democratic Party

Russian Orthodoxy has sometimes been criticized

for being a religion a bit on the frosty side.

It stands to reason that if the temperature is -22 Fahrenheit

and you go skinny-dipping in an ice-bound river, you will

more than likely have an epiphany.

"Come clean, Rush! I know you've had
your hand in the Oxycontin Jar!"

The Unexpurgated Bible #29
Jesus Admonished by the Father to 
'Walk, Don't Run' on Water

,
Nearly _____ (Fill in the Blank with Either 'Scores', 'Dozens',
or 'Hundreds') Die in Nigerian Religious Clashes

Swear to God, can you watch Rudy Giuliani laugh
and not think of Super Poligrip?

Think of Congress as a wind farm where the
prevailing wind is blowing out of the Very Big
Corporation's ass. Now do you ¿comprende?

"I am the target of a vast and sinister Aqua Teen
Hunger Force conspiracy, which has a battery
behind it, and wires."

Fed Chairman Sends Unmistakable Message to

Would-Be Congressional Watchdogs

"God is love, and if you don't believe me,

I'll kick your teeth in!"

"So what if 71% of the American people don't want

me to run for President! I just want to be rich and

famous!"

A new CBS poll shows that 8% of the American people
don't know if they want Sarah Palin to run for President.
This must be the same 8% who say they don't know if

they've ever had a

prefrontal lobotomy.