Saturday, January 23, 2010

Warm Scuzzies #52
Charles E. Phillips
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #120
Andre Bauer
Hugo Chavez Makes Bid to Surpass Pat Robertson for the
Crackpottiest Theory of the Haitian Earthquake
Did you see the Nick Gillespie droid
on the Glenn Beck Show? It was so
lifelike you couldn't tell it from
the real thing.
World's Worst Yobs #149
Theodore Beale
Look at Tom DeLay and Calvin's doctrine of 'Total
Hereditary Depravity' starts to make a whole lot
of sense.
Obama Calls Campaign Finance Ruling `Devastating',
Has No Idea What to Do Except Talk About It in
Complete Sentences

Friday, January 22, 2010

"Careful, master, he's not a hard-shell Baptist, as we
thought; he's a pre-Pope John XXIII Catholic!"
Would it be fair to say that Frank Zappa was a musical
genius who also had a gift for pissing people off?
"No foxes in this hole, sir!"
"Everybody's got something to hide except for me and
my monkey," the Afghan boy said. But the expression
on his monkey's face, as well as his own, created a
modicum of doubt as to the truth of his affirmation.
What a shame! He was only a few days out of
the womb, but fear had already made him look
like a member of the Grand Old Party.
"Before I was created, God asked me if I would rather be
Jonah Goldberg or a monkey. Quite frankly, that was one
of the easiest questions I've ever answered."
"I know I may be a bit biased, but Bullwinkle always
makes me smile. Not laugh, mind you, just smile."
For those of you wanting to get nowhere fast,
have you considered a motorized La-Z-Boy?
"Take it from me, folks: if you think you can be either
an 'elite populist' or a 'popular elitist', you'll end up
like me: a skull with a silly hat riding on the ass end
of a chopper."
Martha Coakley Being Led Away to a Bay State
Glue Factory for Sticktoitiveness Rehab
"Yeehaw! Chandu the Magician lives!"
"Fly's undone, Hopey McChange!"
Fatness Increases Cancer Risk
(Unless Heart Disease and
Diabetes Kill You First)
"I'm sitting on top of the world
Just rolling along
Just rolling along
I'm quitting the blues of the world
Just singing a song
Just singing a song."
The day finally came when the entire country
was turned into one giant corporation; the
middleman---the Congress---was eliminated;
and Burger King was named CEO of USA, Inc.
Is there anything sadder than a one-man parade?
Sign of the Times #7
Remember when The Joker was happy?
John Solomon, former WaPo staffer and former executive
editor of the ultra-right Washington Times, is now back
at the Washington Post as a freelancer. The transitions
from and to, and to and from, appear to have been
ideologically and politically seamless.
Senator John Thune,
Corporate Concubine
John Roberts Named Chairman and CEO of
Supreme Court, Inc.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

After the Supreme Court opened the floodgates
of corporate political contributions, Senators
adopted a dress code more in line with the
wishes of their owners.
"Tell us, Ms. Huff, do you now consider yourself to be
'The Woman with the Curious Hand'?
Warm Scuzzies #51
Judson Phillips
They were drawn to her like flies to horse manure.
How Cindy McCain Self-Censors What She Really
Thinks about Her Mavericky Husband
Scott Brown and the Availables Ready to Rock the Beltway
Yesterday's pessimist said the glass was half empty.
Today's pessimist says the glass is not only half
empty, but the water it contains is contaminated
with E. coli and is evaporating rapidly.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Teenage Mutant Tuber Turtle
Allegories for Our Time #14

Republican Party

Democratic Party
Russian Orthodoxy has sometimes been criticized
for being a religion a bit on the frosty side.
It stands to reason that if the temperature is -22 Fahrenheit
and you go skinny-dipping in an ice-bound river, you will
more than likely have an epiphany.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

"Come clean, Rush! I know you've had
your hand in the Oxycontin Jar!"
The Unexpurgated Bible #29
Jesus Admonished to 'Walk, Don't Run' on Water
,
Nearly _____ (Fill in the Blank with Either 'Scores', 'Dozens',
or
'Hundreds') Die in Nigerian Religious Clashes
Swear to God, can you watch Rudy Giuliani laugh
and not think of Super Poligrip?
Think of Congress as a wind farm where the
prevailing wind is blowing out of the Very Big
Corporation's ass. Now do you ¿comprende?
"I am the target of a vast and sinister Aqua Teen
Hunger Force conspiracy, which has a battery
behind it, and wires."
Fed Chairman Sends Unmistakable Message to
Would-Be Congressional Watchdogs
"God is love, and if you don't believe me,
I'll kick your teeth in!"
"So what if 71% of the American people don't want
me to run for President! I just want to be rich and
famous!"
A new CBS poll shows that 8% of the American people
don't know if they want Sarah Palin to run for President.
This must be the same 8% who say they don't know
if
they've ever had a

prefrontal lobotomy.