In the days of old, people pretended to resolve their

differences peacefully. Now they don't even pretend.

The Pentagon is urging no more troop drawdowns in Iraq.

Is this because (1) the surge has been too successful, (2)

the war is being won too quickly, or (3) American soldiers

are totally committed to the upcoming Baghdad Cyclo-Cross?

Sometimes John McCain is so white he has to

wear cammies just to be seen.

"Please help me I'm fal-ling in lo-ove with you."

GOP Base Revolts, Dumps McCain from Republican Ticket;

Trace Adkins to be Sarah Palin's Vice Presidential Running Mate

Gaddafi looked completely disarmed after his 'Darling Black

African Woman' dismantled his Weapon of Mass Destruction.

Republican National Convention Gives Chilly

Reception to Popular Bush Tribute Band

World's Worst Yobs #47

Donny Deutsch

Lonely Teleprompter Wonders, "Where's Sarah?"

Looking for Sarah Palin? Isn't everybody? Well, she's

hiding somewhere behind this stone wall.

Using the logic the New Yorker editors employed in defense of its

Obama cover in July, this cover isn't a satire of John McCain;

it's a satire of the 'dark imaginings' of John McCain's opponents.

Muammar 'Mad Dog' Gadaffi Meets Condoleezza 'Dirty' Rice

When asked what she meant when she said,

"So Sambo beat the bitch," Governor Palin

said she was speaking in tongues at the time

and only those with the gift of tongues could

understand what she meant.

Star of Spore Breaks Ranks with Producer, Affirms

Intelligent Design, Rejects Evolutionary Premise

of New Video Game

Remember the good old days when the truth about Republican

ne'er-do-wells was uncovered by the Washington Post and the

New York Times?

It really didn't matter that Levi's 'Promise Ring' was

a press-on tattoo he found in a box of Cap'n Crunch.

He only needed it until the day after the election.

Who Is Scarier?

Hannibal Lector

OR

His Wife?

In a move designed to shake up the 2008 presidential race even

further, the Obama campaign has announced it is dropping Joe

Biden from the ticket in favor of the Boop-Boop-a-Doop Twins,

who are expected to have a broad appeal to working-class voters

in both Red States and Blue States.

"Don't let me hear you say, 'We have to catch up to history', ever

again! You're a giraffe and giraffes are smarter than that!"

Killer Pacman

gobbles another unwary Google user.

"Why is Bob Woodward always pickin' on me?"

"Hellfire and damnation, son, why do you think

we call her the Drilla from Wasilla?"

"Valley girl

She's a valley girl

Valley girl

She's a valley girl

Okay, fine...

Fer sure, fer sure

She's a valley girl

In a clothing store

Okay, fine...

Fer sure, fer sure

She's a valley girl."

Phyllis Schlafly as a Young Woman

Phyllis Schlafly as an Old Woman

Think of it: put some lipstick on this sucker and it could

be the next Vice President of the United States!

Palin supporters are claiming that 10,000 subscribers have

cancelled their subscriptions to Us Weekly because of its

unflattering portrayal of the vice presidential nominee.

This should lay to rest, once and for all, the elitist notion

that Palindrones can't read!

"It's a great day, Sarah, when I wake up with a woody!"

Meet Minneapolis: Off the Couch and On the Move

Representative Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA) Calls

Obama 'Uppity', Palin 'Downity'

After focus groups and internal polling showed a very positive

response to the cast on Cindy's arm, John decided to wear a

Full Body Sympathy Cast for the remainder of the 2008

presidential campaign.

If the day comes--and it surely must--that the Republican Party

changes its name to the White Party, Cindy McCain will no doubt be

one of the top contenders for her party's presidential nomination.

No Republican will be napping tonight during John McCain's

acceptance speech, especially those living in Wasilla, the

Meth Capital of Alaska.

John McCain keeps his 'Secret Plan' to capture Osama

bin Laden inside this safe, which is located in one of his

ten houses. He promises to reveal his secret plan, but only

if he is elected President of the United States. This is the

same safe, by the way, Richard Nixon used in 1968 to

secure his 'Secret Plan' to end the Vietnam War.

World's Worst Yobs #46

Jim Quinn

"Mildred, it says here that a 'Gimcrack' is 'a showy but useless

or worthless object; a gewgaw'. You don't suppose they were

thinking of Ms. Palin when they wrote this definition, do you?"

New, Improved Bumpersticker for

Republican-Owned SUVs

First there was Debbie Does Dallas. Now there's

Sarah Does St. Paul.

Rudy Giuliani tries to scare America. Scares himself instead.

Strom Thurmond of the Arctic Circle Meets the

Pit Bull with Lipstick

If Trig Palin could speak, what do you think he might say about

being used as a stage prop at the Republican National Convention?

After feeding some lions to the Christians at the Xcel Center,

Sarah Barracuda posed momentarily in front of her Stang,

and then roared off in search of the fabled Bull Moose.

Hillary Goes into Shock After Being Wildly Applauded

at the Republican National Convention

"Let’s be fair. To some extent, we’ve got to give President Bush

his due. Iraq now seems to be a quasi-functioning democracy

without weapons of mass destruction, even though it never had

any WMD in the first place."

If you've been dreaming of time travel back to 1984 and living

in a police state, you might want to consider the Minneapolis/St.

Paul area, where real estate prices are, according to local

detainees, quite reasonable.

On the Angry Right, George Bush was angry at the Angry Left.

He was even angrier that nobody, except Fearguth, noticed he

was angry.

"Thanks to you, kid, millions and millions of teenagers

across America are going to learn what their parents

and grandparents already know: that all this talk

about 'saving yourself for marriage' is a crock of shit."

"Brad and Angelina are getting old, kid. Stick with me

and I'll take you to the top!"