If he had heard "up for grabs" or "superdelegates" one more

time, Fearguth was in danger of turning into a bowl of

Yummy Mummy Cereal. As a precaution, he drove 1,300

miles in his old truck--from north Texas to southern

Florida--to enjoy the Langerado Music Festival. As part

of this therapeutic measure, Fearguth will be offline

until March 10.

Six Degrees of Infatuation

Can you imagine Charlotte Allen swooning?

She says she never has.

Can you imagine Charlotte Allen getting married?

She says she never will.

Matryoshka Doll Accused of Revealing Russian State Secret

Big Cheese Endorses Easy Mac

Air Force General Kevin Chilton, the commander of US

strategic forces, said Tuesday the United States will need

nuclear weapons as a deterrent until Jesus comes again,

maybe even after.

"Hmmm, Hillary's 'kitchen sink' strategy must've worked.

Maybe I need to watch more HGTV."

"No you can't keep a good woman down, no

No you can't keep a good woman down."

If political cliches were pins, you would be a hellraiser, too.

The Flat Earth Society has finally admitted the Earth is

round, but it still believes humans didn't cause its roundness.

The Oval Office the Day After the Rapture

"I appreciate the fact that General Odierno really snatched

defeat out of the jaws of those who were trying to defeat us in Iraq."

Melanie Morgan has lost her job as a talk radio host.

Her audience is in shock, wondering how they will

now get their daily 'Two-Minutes Hate' workout.

First Successful Gig Young Clone Elected President of Russia

Because they don't want to make men like John Pomfret feel inferior.

Janus of the Lazer Helmets

Especially Charlotte Allen.

Pistol-Packin' Grandma Repulses Swedish Invasion

of Crawford, Texas

You see here the fossilized remains of the Al-Qaidasaurus, the

most feared theropod during the Bushassic Period.

"Hi, I'm a Giant Baby Panda, a Giant Panda Baby, or

a Baby Giant Panda. Whatever. I'm happy to be here.

Are you?"

As it turned out, John McCain lost the election in 2008. But,

in 2009, he was Raptured into Heaven, where he got to

listen to the sermons of Pastor John Hagee for all eternity.

Vlad the Inhaler

Former Russian President Inks Multi-Million Dollar

Endorsement Deal with Cabela's, the World's

Foremost Outfitter

In ancient Greek drama, every actor on stage

wore a mask. The Greek word for mask was 'persona'

(i. e. 'that through which the sound comes'). From

this Greek word we derive our English words 'person',

'personal', 'personality', etc. As Shakespeare might

have said, "All the world's a stage, and all the men

and women merely players wearing masks."

Your sympathy all depends on whose lummox is being gored.

Michael Jackson's Dog

Female Bodybuilders Getting Pumped Listening to

moe.'s 'Don't Fuck with Flo'

Yutaka never forgot the day he received the

knockout punch of all knockout punches.