Of Newt Gingrich's surge in the polls, Chester A. Riley

says, "What a revoltin' development this is!"

"OK, Eric, I'll admit I'm a Communist if you'll admit

you're a scum-sucking pig."

Leatherface Opens New Mobile Manicure Business

“My record," says Rick Santorum, "isn’t swiss cheese.

I mean it’s solid, it’s a solid block of cheese.”  Yes, Rick,

it's Limburger, and we can smell it from here.

"So, what did Santa's helper say, Mr. Santorum, when you

asked, 'Buddy, can you spare a dime'?"

Rick Perry says he's not ashamed to admit that he's a Christian.

When Jesus heard this, he said, "Don't ever forget that I was

never a Christian.  I was born a Jew and I died a Jew."

"All eight justices on the Supreme Court are unelected,

but Justice Montemayor is even moreso."

Oxymorons for Our Time #115

GOP Intellectuals

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #347

Walter F. Fitzpatrick III

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #2

Rand Paul

The Unexpurgated Bible #65

"And the Lord God commanded the woman,

 'But of bananas, cucumbers, carrots, and

zucchinis, thou shall not handle: for in

the day that thou handleth them thou mayest

 think of wee-wees, and that's a big no-no'."

Warm Scuzzies #242

Josh Block

Rick Perry to Play Heath Ledger Role in Re-Make of

Carhartt Mountain

When it comes to Robert Stacy McCain, don't you wish

that what happened in Vegas, once upon a time, would

 have stayed in Vegas?

"Honey, I simply do not know where the money is!"

"But we're talkin' 1.7 billion dollars, Jon. That's 1700

million fucking bucks! How is it even POSSIBLE to

 lose or not even know where that much money is?"

Heidi Klum Flashes the 'Spock Sign'

Helena Bonham Carter Understands

Helen Thomas Does Not

"Is Newt nuts?  Yes, of course he is!  And I ought to know. 

As the author of Bushisms and Palinisms, I've become

rather nutty myself.  And, as they say, 'It takes one to

know one'.  Now, can I have my meds?"

Godzilla Sez:  "I'm really looking forward to spending

 Christmas with the Palins!"

Newt Gingrich, Master of Somniloquence

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #1

Nelson Warfield

Do not attempt to practice 'ambush journalism' on Bill

O'Reilly, or he will assault you with his bumbershoot.

The bad news is that only Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum

have agreed to participate in the Newsmax-sponsored debate

to be moderated by Donald Trump.  The good news is that

Newt Gingrich has been diagnosed with 'Multiple Political

 Personality Disorder' and will therefore be able to keep

the show entertaining by debating his opposing selves

and, when absolutely necessary,  Frothy.

"Pretty impressive landfill!"

"Yeah, and it's filled with body parts of American soldiers

killed overseas and dumped there by the Air Force."

When he travels, Newt Gingrich produces so much bullshit

 he needs two bathrooms.

What Jim Hightower used to say about Dubya needs to be

said now about Rick Perry: "If ignorance ever reaches $40

 a barrel, I want the drilling rights on his head."

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #130

Robert Stacy McCain and Michele Bachmann

"Do these chairs make our butts look fat?"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #346

Bonnie Hammer

Cross-Eyed Possum Gives Gingrich a Second Look

Lord Voldemort Blames Hillary Clinton for His Evil Deeds

Mark Rothko Paint-by-Numbers Kit

Marked Down!

Was $19.99

Now ONLY $14.99 + $5.00 S&H

Danielle Pletka claims that Iran poses a greater danger if

it gets nuclear weapons and doesn't use them than it would

if it got nuclear weapons and used them. This is what is

called 'Proctologic' or, more colloquially, 'Pulling an

Argument Out of Your Ass'.

Governor Rick Perry Sez:  "Our kids can’t openly celebrate

Christmas or pray in school."

The Garland High School Chamber Singers deliver

 a rebuttal.

Blago Sentenced to 14 Years of Jogging in the Snow

Practice Safe Apocalypse!  Get Your 'Invisible Mystic

Mayan Power Cloak' Now, While Supplies Last!

"Hey Crisco, where's Pauncho?"

Today's Necrology

"This is MY hedge fund.  Go find your own!"

"I'm like Nancy Reagan, always protective of my husband.

I'm like Laura Bush, a very loving mother and wife. I'm like

Jacqueline Kennedy, incredibly graceful and stylish, focused

on the arts and music. And I'm like Rielle Hunter, who had

a long-term adulterous affair with a member of Congress."

Merry Christmas, Congressman Gallegly!

Only 26 percent of Florida voters approve of Governor

Rick Scott's performance.  That's the same 26% who

have been diagnosed with rabies.

Someone has developed a useful rubric for classifying

Billionaires: 1) Whiny Billionaires, 2) Clueless Billionaires,

3) Authoritarian Billionaires, and 4) Philanthropic Billionaires.

Leon Cooperman (shown here) is a Whiny Billionaire.

"One time we were having sex, and I was looking up at the

ceiling, thinking about Ronald Reagan."

America Needs to Be Punished!

Vote Gingrich in 2012!

If Newt Gingrich is the Republican nominee for President,

even this Banana Slug believes he could beat him.

W. D. Boyce is remembered as the founder of

the Boy Scouts of America. If elected President,

Newt Gingrich may be remembered as the

 founder of the Junior Janitors of America.

Smokers May Lose Their Nipples