As the pedicurist buffed his nails, Bagley, the biggest

and baddest bulldog in Bushland, could scarcely contain

his excitement as he got ready to be unleashed one more

time against the enemies of the Order of the Lavender Frock.

Catnappers Advisory

With so many taggers at large these days, snoozing in public

is a risk you may not wish to take.

Nancy and George were a little uptight on their first date.

"Sir, your mail-order bride from

Bulgaria has arrived."

Don't be alarmed. It's only a citizen of Ramadi exercising

his God-given right to keep and bear arms.

Sperm All Decked Out for the Holidays

"If I changed my policy in Iraq in a fundamental way, it would

undermine the whole premise of my presidency. I just don't

believe I will ever do that."

World's Worst Jobs #14

Mumbai Ragpicker

World's Worst Jobs #13

Chinese Fish Smoker

"Do you want me to drive?"

Competition was keen in the women's uphill skiing contest.

The latest Zogby Poll pegs President Bush's job approval

rating at 30%, an all-time low. If this poll result were

re-presented as a sculpture, it would be this one, entitled,

Doo-Doo Piled Higher and Deeper.

"May I have your attention please?

Thank you.

Have you ever thought what it

means to stand at attention?

Well, if you had, men, you wouldn't be here today."

Iraq Warhawks Anxiously Awaiting Redeployment to March 2003

If a winter vacation to Fiji is in your plans, keep in mind

that the island has adopted a zero tolerance policy for

dealing with parking violators.

Baghdad Schoolboys Developing the Behavior Necessary for

Transmitting Sectarian Violence to the Next Generation

As he closed the door on the Mark Foley investigation,

Republican Representative Doc Hastings, the outgoing

chairman of the Committee on Standards of Official Conduct,

remarked, "Good golly, somebody must have neglected to

write a rule against negligence."

Some people just couldn't wait until December 22,

Global Orgasm Day.

In the annals of psychoanalysis, no one had an

oral fixation quite like Ram Singh's.

Jetliner Squeezing Through Very Tight Air Corridor

At the conclusion of the notorious Appalachian Summit,

the Bush Crime Family sat for a group portrait.

As George Herbert Walker Bush wept uncontrollably

in front of the Florida State Legislature, Jeb Bush

reached down to wipe a tear from the eye of his

pet alligator.

Not just the dresses were red when four rich broads showed up at the same White House gala wearing the same $8,500 Oscar de la Renta gown.

The request to wear T-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops to the 
NATO Change of Command ceremony was turned down.

Tony Blair maintains to this day that

if George Bush had kept his head on straight,

everything in Iraq would have turned out to be a bed of pinwheels.

Terminator Bestows Hollywood Medal of Honor

on Man with No Name

In a rare, unguarded moment, Tony Blair's facial expression

revealed to the world his true opinion of George Bush.

If FDR Had Been George Bush

"You want frankness: I thought we would succeed quicker

than we did at Pearl Harbor. And I am disappointed by

the pace of success."

After a quick bit of sexy-sexy with Borat Obama, Andrea

Peyser, columnist for the New York Post, says she has

mixed feelings about the presidential possibilities of

the Senator from Kazakhstan.

"Can you believe it? We're on the first sheet of

Rupert Murdoch's roll of buttwipe."

The Harvester of Souls at Work in the Iraq Quagmire

Four-Day Sale at Albertsons!

Whole Croatians

Family Pack, Bone-In

Fresh, Never Frozen

Card Price: Only $4.99 Lb.

Carnivores Gone Wild

"The jury says it gave your client the death penalty because
your polka dot tie, striped shirt, and checkerboard coat hurt
 their eyes."

On his days off from the insane asylum,

Bruno Cirillo plays pro soccer.

Finalist in Red Carpet Jumping Competition

Buddhist Monks Crossing the Bridge to Oblivion

Japanese Cadets Accept Commander's Challenge to

"Walk a Mile in My Shoes!"

Said the Iraq Study Group: "Our ship of state has hit rough waters.

It must now chart a new way forward." So it struck one of the new

Skysails, saving thereby 15-20% on fuel costs.

Nursultan Nazarbayev, the President of Kazakhstan,

says just because Javier Solana has welcomed him as a

permanent resident of Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum

doesn't mean he has given up his hunt for Borat the Defiler.

Why and how his ex-wife ended up in a shopping bag were

questions the former husband tried his best to ignore.

Sitting astride the Iraqi beeve, the little boy thought,

"Gee, the horns of this dilemma are the biggest I've

ever seen."

Mary Cheney to Bear Child Out of Wedlock;

Says Baby Will Be "a Bastard Just Like My Dad"

"Hey, this report is so short college students in the future

won't need to buy the Cliffs Notes version."

Alas, if bird flu doesn't get you, contaminated vegetables will.

What if wars could only be fought with pillows?