Saturday, August 20, 2016

"Michael Cohen, you look and talk like a Jersey mobster."
"Says who?"
Disguised as The Flash, Donald Trump distributes 
Louisiana flood relief in record time: only 49 seconds!
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #663
Mark Dice
Unemployed Sign Painter Expresses
 His Economic Anxiety
Trump's Fond Farewell and Long Goodbye to 
Paul Manafort
"Cold, on my mind, yeah
Ice dripping, cold sweat
Ice, Ice dripping, cold sweat."

Friday, August 19, 2016

World's Worst Yoobs #170
Katie McHugh
Trump advisor Joseph Schmitz is not nearly as slick
 looking as his dad, John Schmitz (shown here), who 
had the dubious distinction of getting expelled 
from the John Birch Society for being too extreme.
Double Reverse Psychology
Eric Trump Sez:  "I really like humble Trump."
Will Paul Manafort, International Man of Mystery, now
join Corey Lewandowski at CNN?
"Every 5000 years the worlds align, allowing an ancient 
darkness to strike!"
Donald Trump Finally Builds Wall---Between Paul 
Manafort and Himself
"And I do regret that I didn't grow a beard sooner."
"I'm sorry
So sorry
Please accept my apology
But love is blind
And I was too blind to see."
Trump Adviser Joseph Schmitz Said to Be World Expert 
on Oven Sizes, Particularly Hitler's

Thursday, August 18, 2016

"NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted
 erection in city parks, no matter how small.”
"Come and get me, coppers!"
Airlander Makes Maiden Voyage for Big Ass Airways
"If he could speak Italian, Trump could be my stunt double."
"Yes, they're long, and they're gonna get longer unless you 
clean this damn litterbox!"
"We gotta stop with these polls! Look at the size of my pet 
GOP Mascot!"
When Dana Loesch (seen here with Pamela Geller) says Stephen 
Bannon is “one of the worst people on God’s green earth,” you 
know Trump is scraping the bottom of a bottomless barrel.
Warm Scuzzies #704
Prager University
"Brewer Says Calling Clinton a 'Lying Killer' Was a
 'Stumble of the Tongue'"

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Asherah Cat Being Held Hostage Until Owner
Turns Off Ad Blocker
Trump Says Stephen Bannon Hired for His 
Superb Skill in Making Irate Shadow Animals
Pro-Trump Pastor Darrell Scott Says Trump’s Problem 
with Black Voters Is That ‘Black People Believe Satire’
Blake Shelton Apologizes for Racist, Homophobic
 Tweets; Says They Were ‘Comedy’, 'Sarcasm', 
'Abbreviated Language', 'Caused by 
Earpiece Glitch'
Like Frau Blücher, Kellyanne Conway, Trump's new 
campaign manager, is known for spooking horses.
Stephen Bannon, 'the most dangerous political operative 
in America', has been named CEO of the Trump campaign.  
Do not poke him with a stick: he has 'a very volatile temper'.
"Sgt. Al Baldasaro reporting for latrine duty, sir!"

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Why do 'Intelligence Briefing' and 'Donald Trump' sound 
so odd when they occur in the same sentence?
"My least favorite word in the world is 'Kitten'.  So don't 
say it, if you know what's good for you!"
"No, I don't shave.  Shaving is a habit of animals 
who believe they're not animals."
"Damn, the sign says, 'No U Turn'!"
With a glance, the lioness clearly implied
 Trump was putting her cub to sleep.
Why don't we ever say, "I've been working like a cat?"
"What is Rudy saying now?"
"Hard to tell. He's speaking that 'abbreviated language' again."
Old Men with Guns #32
Stanley Vernon Majors
Rudy Giuliani didn't forget 9/11 when he claimed
 there had been no terrorist attacks on American 
soil until Obama became President. He was just 
using 'abbreviated language'.
Roger Stone Pens Op-Ed Fanning Flames of Rigged 
Flying Saucer Abduction Conspiracy
Rogers Ailes to Advise Donald Trump Ahead of Presidential 
Debates in How to Best Sexually Harass Hillary Clinton
Listening to Scott Walker tell Donald Trump how he can
 win in November is like listening to the sound a dog makes 
just before it throws up.
Local Victim of Foot-in-Mouth Disease Said to Be Secret
 Admirer of Katrina Pierson

Monday, August 15, 2016

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III just swallowed his
dog whistle.
Mighty Mouse was about to meet his match.
"How am I doing, Ma?"
'Giuliani Claims There Were No Terror Attacks on US Soil 
Before Obama'
[No wonder Rudy never got the Noun + Verb + '9/11' joke.]
Immigration Reform Plans #4
Trump's Plan for 'Extreme Vetting' of Immigrants
to Include Mandatory Firewalking