There are a variety of reasons why only 22% of Americans 

self-identify as Republicans. Here are three of them.

“There were fewer declared Republicans in the Harvard Law

 School faculty when I was there than Communists. There 

was one Republican. But there were twelve who would 

say they were Marxists who believed in the Communists 

overthrowing the United States government.  And, yes, I 

have a list of their names, tattooed on my left buttock.

Want to see it?”

Microsoft CEO Doing His Baby Egret Impression

"What's up with the tent?"

"Haven't you heard?  It's Rush Limbaugh's

Big Tea Party Revival!"

Mayor Rahm Emanuel's approval rating is 19%.

Analysts disagree why it's so high.

GE Salmon Comes in Three Varieties:  Incandescent, 

Fluorescent, and LED

With a moustache or without, with glasses or without,

Dr. Phil Gingrey is 98% pure wacko.  The other 2% 

is OB/Gyn.

Texas Bans Hunting Immigrants from Helicopters

Louie Gohmert Sez:  "We have got to have

 at least 50 rounds in our magazines because 

on average that’s about how many it takes

 to bring down a drone."

Bob Goodlatte Sez:  "This is a broken immigration system; 

it's had problems for a long time, and I'm going to make 

damn sure it stays that way."

[Did you know dogs in Virginia whistle Dixie?]

Like Dinsdale Piranha, John McCain was cruel, 

but unlike ol' Dinsy, John McCain wasn't fair.

"Goldarnit!  The Second Amendment is the only thing

 standing between us and Sharia Law!"

"'Arrogant ass'? Yes, that would pretty

much sum up my good friend and 

political ally, Senator Ted Cruz."

Romney Will Resurface at CPAC

Pythia, the Oracle at Delphi, to Raise 

Speaking Fee to $200,000 to Bring It

 into Line with Hillary Clinton's

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #473

Mike Leara

“Obama big radical.  Yum-Yum! Eat 'em up!"

"Urrk been in cave long time.  Urrk come out, see light.  

Urrk agree to expand Medicaid.  Urrk conscience feel

 much better.  Urrk now go hit road."

Anders Behring Breivik Sez:  "Adam Lanza, you did

good.  But, fortunately, you died way short of my

world record."

"Sequester me baby, sequester me all night long 

I said I want you to 

Sequester me baby, sequester me all night long 

I want you to sequester me 

like my back ain't got no bones." 

Of course David Triglianos owns guns.  

Can't you tell?

"Yes, I wasted millions of dollars in 2012 in an effort 

to defeat my political enemies.  And yes, they defeated

me---temporarily.  But, don't forget:  I'm a multi-

billionaire and a million dollars doesn't mean that

much to me.  So, like the Terminator said, 

'I'll be back!'"  

"No, I'm not David Plouffe, but I sure would like to be!"

He had dreamed of world conquest.  And it might have 

happened had his name been Alexander the Great, 

instead of David Bossie.

Darth Maul Launches Advertising Campaign

Showing How Much Hard Work Is Involved

 in Being a Dark Lord of the Sith

Darrell Issa doesn't have Bette Davis eyes, but he comes 

close to having Angelina Jolie lips.

Florida Governor Still Tied with First Grader in 

'Who Will Die from Boredom First?' Contest

"Attention, men, attention!  What you are seeing isn't

 radioactive snow.  It's clean coal falling from Kentucky."

"Are you familiar with this gesture?  We

 Aggies call it the 'Scissor-Tail Bird', and

 we only use it when all else fails."

Paul Ryan says that he may or may not run for President 

in 2016. Couldn't all Americans who will be 35 or older 

in 2016 make the same statement?  Yes, they could, but 

they are smarter than that.

Learning that Ben Shapiro had been punked by imaginary 

agents from the chimerical 'Friends of Hamas' gave Chuck 

Hagel a bad case of the Soopy Sads.

Richard Cohen Reported to Be in Hiding from

the Kissing Bandit

Ted Cruz Sez:  "Texans understand the importance 

of the Second Amendment and I don't think 

Washington politicians trying to score political 

points should be taking away a fundamental 

individual right to own a LaRue Tactical 

Optimized Battle Rifle 7.62, made right here

in Leander, Texas."

Woman Quits Smoking on Her 102nd Birthday, Says It 

Was Interfering with Her Job as a Snake Milker

Tea Party Picture Wipes Smile Off

Karl Rove's Fat Fascist Face

Patrick McHenry wants you to know that

marijuana is a drug made up of 

heroin, 

ground-up kittens, 

bleach, 

stale Fruity Pebbles, 

powdered alcohol,

 and 

melted crayons.

The Look on Mike Allen's Face When He Is On the 

Verge of Asking a Tough, Unpredictable Question,

Like

"Mr. President, who does the better 

impression: Will Ferrell of you, 

or Dana Carvey of your father?"

The only time Governor Pat McCrory (R-NC) laughed

harder was when he gutted his state's unemployment

insurance program.

Exposed:  'Agenda 22', the Secret White House Plan

 to Map the Wingnut Brain 

"I always say to people, before you begin to drool at the 

mouth and go crazy and soil your Depend® Adustable

Underwear, read the damn report!"

Do you suppose Scott Brown's wife 

knows he's a 'pocket tweeter'?

Barack Obama, the Puppet Master, Deploys 

Tunneler Against Reporter from The Politico

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #472

Dr. Ben Carson

I Remember Dubya #58

"A long time ago in a galaxy

far, far away."

World's Worst Yoobs #131

Gerri Willis

Will Catholicism, Inc., be Bain Capital's next target?

Of Tail-Gunner Ted it was said, "He is Jim DeMint

without the charm."

“I made a promise to the people of Texas that I would

 come to Washington and put all of you in a psychedelic

 trance using this optical illusion."

Mr. Fancy Feast Sez:  "Believe me:  raising the minimum

 wage will hurt the poor."

"The fact that we rank 49th in mental health spending

goes to show that only one state is saner than Texas. 

 And that's something I'm proud of."