Saturday, December 25, 2010

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #254
Micah Cawley
Weighing 3,144 pounds and stretching for
230 feet, the Big Enchilada wants you to
know that everything is under control.
"What are those?"
"Copies of George Bush's book."
Where are they from?"
"They flew off the shelves."
"Where are they headed?"
"They are migrating to the City of the Unread
in the Land of Nodding Off."

Friday, December 24, 2010

Have you heard the theory about how Hollywood
created Satana Claus and his (thinly veiled) gay
reindeer to promote the 'homosexual agenda' and
generally spread evil around the world?

MERRY XXXMAS EVERYBODY!
Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #81
Rightly Concerned
"Is that Sarah Palin with a gun over there?"
"GRRR!"
"Ha ha!  Just kidding!"
"GRRRR!"
"Nice reindoggie!"
"GRRRRR!"
Laurent Gbagbo Sez:  "Lanny Davis?  Yum yum, eat `em up!"
"Call me 'Santa Claws', and I'll bawl my eyes out,
just like John Boehner!"
"Despite sanctions and trade embargoes, over the past decade
the United States government has granted special licenses
allowing American companies to do billions of dollars in
business with Iran and other countries blacklisted as
state sponsors of terrorism."  Aha!  Now we know the
real reason why Mahmoud hasn't been sweating an 
American invasion:  it would be bad for business! 

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #253
Mike Conaway
Ann Ward Named 'America's Next Top Anorexic'
"Just between me and you, one grizzly bear is worth more than
 an infinite number of Bryan Fischers."
After years of intensive study, the CIA has
finally decoded the secret message.  It
means: "Dude, WikiLeaks Task Force?"
Warm Scuzzies #130
Kaplan University
Empty Suit

Emptier Suit
"Whaddya think I am---an ATM?" exclaimed the Cash Cow.
Ozzy Osbourne Sez:  "I'm sick of Lady Gaga!"
"God appeared to me in a dream last night, and, I swear,
He was doing bong hits and snacking on ganja treats!"

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

When it appeared on ABC's World News Tonight with Diane
Sawyer, the Clapper Sound Activated On/Off Switch apparently
had a dead battery.
"Sorry, Joe, but the Alaska Supreme Court just ruled that
you have to get a shave and find a job."
"Oomph! 
Almost through! 
Damn! 
Singed my balls again!"
"Have you already forgotten what I told you last time?
I HATE Milk-Bone® Original!"
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #45
ExxonMobil: the Next Generation Really Sucks
Unlike that math teacher you hated in high school, President
Obama can give people 'Indefinite Detentions'.  Aren't you
glad he used to teach Constitutional Law and not Algebra II? 
When an organization describes itself as a '527 Group', you
know immediately that it probably has about as many
members as 'Atheists for Masturbation'.
"Buck up!  Not ALL Republicans hate you!"
"Pedal faster, or we'll be late for the War on Easter!"
John McCain's Next Hobby Horse
Rex Tillerson, the CEO of ExxonMobil, received $21.4 million
 in compensation for 2010.  This has nothing to do, of course,
with why you're now paying more at the pump.  There's so
much money sloshing around ExxonMobil these days that
CEO pay is written off as 'spillage'.
Democratic Senator Apologizes for Not Voting with
 Republicans Against the DREAM Act and the
Repeal of DADT
The Only Green Stuff Republicans Really Like
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #95
Adam Putnam and Bobby Thompson
"John, Tom just told me his dick's bigger than yours."
Bernie Goldberg says that Jesus was a Liberal
Democrat. That's true, but only because he died
young. Had he lived to be 65 (as depicted in this
imaginary portrait of the Lord),  he would have
been a Conservative Republican, like Bernie.
Little Known Fact #10
The Elephant Butterfly can consume up to
50 gallons of nectar a day.
World's Worst Yobs #204
Nicholas Ballasy
Under the FCC's new 'Net Neutrality' rules, some Internet
sperm will be able to swim faster than others.
Radio Talker and Rightblogger Hal Turner to Spend 33
Months Behind Bars for Being an Incorrigible Imbecile
Target CEO Gregg Steinhafel and His Pet
Pit Bull, Gay Basher
Pope Pius XII Gives Signal to
Bastinado Julian Assange

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

"Is Perfesser Reynolds a Tennessee Moonshiner?
Yer durn tootin!"
"Alexander the Great?  Pshaw!  Dead at 32, whining about
no new worlds to conquer!  What a wuss!  I'm 56 and just
getting started!"
Said Holmes acerbically,  "Yes, Watson, I'm afraid you're
uncharacteristically correct:  this is the last knife the
gnome will ever need."
"Yes, I'm a lowly Tardigrade.  But I can survive temperatures
ranging from -451 Degrees to 304 Degrees Fahrenheit, can
absorb 1,000 times more radiation than other animals, and
 can go for ten years without a drink of water.  One thing
I won't be able to survive, however, is the run-up to the
2012 presidential election.  Only humans are low enough
to survive that."
"Look, Sven, is that reindeer wearing a keffiyeh?"
"Before I go, I just want to say that I regret that I
have but one life to give for my fellow reindeer. 
And Rudolph, watch your back --- you may
be next!  Sarah's a natural-born killer!"
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #94
Robert Stacy McCain and M. Stanton Evans
Oxymorons for Our Time #79
No-Nonsense Businessman
"Yo, all you mofos in the Council of Conservative Citizens!
You ain't seen nuthin' yet! Wait 'til I whip out my Enchanted
Hammer and 'boycott' your racist asses!"