Mile-Long Charlie Sheen Spreads Near Disabled Tugboat

Charlie Lackluster

Before you head out on the highway for some after-

Christmas shopping, how about a McNuggetini to

get your motor running?

"Listen, son, there's no North Pole anymore!

From now on, you either swim to Canada

or you die!"

Would you say this protester is emitting a 'Pear-Shaped

Tone' or a 'Penis-Shaped Tone'?

Orly Taitz's Favorite Prick

"Oh, yeah, we killer whales have always believed

Arnold Stang was funnier than Uncle Miltie."

"Berle?"

"No, Friedman."

Pope Pius XII Finally Recognized as Originator

of Gang Sign Tradition

Last Remaining American Bastion of Journalism under Siege;

'Hostile Takeover Threat by Hong Kong-Based Garlic World

Holdings Very Real', Market Analysts Say

So far, we have spent $300 billion on the Afghanistan War.

This averages out to be roughly $1,000 for each of about

300 million Americans. Imagine how many cheeseburgers

we could have purchased with that kind of money!

The Weak in Culture

The Day the Pope Gave Jews the Bird

Even at 10x magnification, Marshall

Wittmann, Senator Lieberman's

spokesman, is hard to see.

Pilgrims Demonstrating Proper Etiquette

for Approaching Marie Callender's Home

Cannon Fodder

Camel Fodder

Despite three years of intense conflict, the Great War

on Christmas has yet to produce a single fatality. Is

this a miracle, or what?

"Protest's over! Time to return you to remote storage!"

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #40

Monica Crowley and Jason Mattera

Merry Axemas!

"I beg to differ, Mr. President. When Dave Garroway

would say, "Peace," he held his hand more like this."

Was it stupidity, or a talent for misconception?
With Ron Brownstein, one could never know for sure.

"But I don't want to stay in the Seal Motel!"

Michele Bachmann puckered like a Kissing Gourami when the

news leaked out that her family's farm received $251,973 in

socialistic subsidies between 1995 and 2006.

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #100

As you may already know, the essential difference

between Leftists and Rightists is the aisle which

separates them. And who's on the Left and who's

on the Right all depends on whether you're walking

up or down the aisle.

Man Having a Smoke While Waiting to Drown

Himself in the River of Conservative Ideas

"Elvis, I hope you understand what 'palimpsest' means."

Not Sold for the Prevention of Disease;

For Entertainment Purposes Only

"I call it my 'Air Force Academy Chapel

Gesture'. I hope you like it."

With the aid of his Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG, this Saudi

Arabian driver has set a new world record in the 210-Mile
Muslim Dash between Medina and Mecca.

The old Afghan claims to remember a day---it was
either a Tuesday or a Friday---when his country
wasn't at war. But nobody believes him.

World's Worst Yobs #148

Mike Flynn

"Where's TBogg?"

"Oh, we left that 'Somewhat Popular Blogger'

over at the Lake."

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #99

It is no secret that the Secret Service is not displeased

that the First Family prefers to vacation in Hawaii,

instead of Crawford, Texas.

Tempest Brewing in Florida Grand Old Tea Party Pot

From DINO to RINO: Parker Griffith and the

Attack of the Acronyms

The Year in Pitchers

Elf Collecting Lumps of Coal for Santa's Shit List

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #98

Fearguth's Rules of Order #39

While it is rather easy to bore a bear,

don't do it, if at all possible.

It's sad, but true: Pat Buchanan really is more

beautiful than his sister.

It took a while, but most people finally agreed that

James Carville's bald head would look better with

Mary Matalin's hair on it, and vice versa. Also, that

both would be more attractive with beards.

Most people are content to just grin and bear it.

Not Romanians. They also try to make bears grin.

"She must've thought your command

was 'At Ease!', sir."

Spinoza the Pantheist Challenges Douthat the

Monotheist to a Quod Erat Demonstrandum

Empty Arena Deathmatch

"Douthat says that 'We’re beasts with

self-consciousness, predators with ethics,

mortal creatures who yearn for immortality'.

If what he says is true, we're pretty fucked up.

On the other hand, he could just be full of smelly

brown stuff. Anyway, would you mind taking a

little bit more off the top?"

Smoker's Hell

Adventures in Lexicology #1
Hyperventilationism (h'aɪpəʳv'entɪl'eɪʃənɪzəm), n.

The belief that tomorrow's apocalyptic cataclysm
will make today's look like Arcadia and yesterday's
like the Garden of Eden. [Erick Erickson and Michelle
Malkin are prominent avatars of hyperventilationism.]