Sarah Palin in a Nutshell

"Honey, you won't believe what I found at the bottom of

my Low-Life Scum Smoothie!"

Geologists say the petrified ice cube discovery may indicate that 

at some point in the distant past, Hell did indeed freeze over.

"Hello, Comcast, I read in the paper you have refunded

Asshole Brown, my next-door neighbor, two years' worth 

of bills. I'm The Incredible Shrinking Asshole and I was 

wondering if you would do the same for me."

Eric Cantor Practicing the Facial Expressions

He Will Be Using This Spring as a Harvard

Fellow

Congress was never quite the same after scotch and 

cigars were banned in the Lactation Chamber.

"Need to suffer more, Kansas?

Call me!"

Cthulhu, Lord of Ry'leh, Succeeds in Hostile Takeover 

of Bobby Jindal's Face

Feeling depressed? 

Consider this scenario: McCain wins in 2008, 

wins again in 2012, and has just kicked the

 bucket. Vice President Palin is being sworn in. 

Feeling better?

Mitt Romney's Steampunk Etch a Sketch Now Up for Bid

on eBay

A common misconception is that beans are the only

musical fruit.

"Coming up next:  the Toilet Bowl!"

'Miley Cyrus Completely Topless in Maui!'

The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall

If Huckleberry Finn Were Written Today

When the poor die, that gets them, in the words of Mitt

 Romney, 'out of poverty forever'.  That's the conservative,

 severely moderate solution.

What a misnomer!  Should be:  The George Bush

Center for Threats to Intelligence.

UberSwan is an app-based transportation network 

and taxi company.

He once owned one of those Timothy Leary

 Invisible View-Masters, but he mislaid it one 

day in the 1970s and never could find it again.

For some reason, Spider-Woman never caught on.

Some people are SO wrapped up in themselves.

"Bling?  For me?"

"Christine, I understand you used to be a Breck Girl."

"Yeah, I always used Breck Red Label, ya know, for

dry hair."

"Were you ever into Clairol?"

"Possibly, but only my hairdresser knows for sure."

"Weep not, little one, there'll always

be 2020."

"I regret to announce that my associate, Mitt Romney,

has self-deported from the 2016 presidential race."

Don't argue with people like Tommy Dean

Gaa.  Just outlive the bastards!

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #610

Christine Weick

The Potrzebie Prize #26

Mitch McConnell Congratulated for Conducting

One of the '10 Most Successful Rebranding

Campaigns Ever'

The Mitt Match Game is the new TV show where the 

contestants try to match what Mitt Romney said yesterday 

with what he says today and what he will say tomorrow.

Louie Gohmert had warned us about 'terror boobies',

but we just wouldn't listen.

Clown Hall #4

Pennywise Poundfoolish

Henry Kissinger was surprised, but pleased, to see that 

Code Pink had read his new book, S&M Policy and the 

New World Order.

"Good news, children!  The Texas legislature is considering 

a bill which will allow teachers to kill students in order to

 reduce class size."

 “Get out of here you low-life scum!  I apologize profusely 

for picking you to be my vice-presidential running mate."

Man with IQ of 67 About to Be Executed by

Texans with IQs of 68

Sheriff's Deputies Teaching Gavin Seim How to

Fold Laundry

"Better call OnStar."

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #57

Molly White

Coffin Designed for Those Who Are

Killed with Their Own Guns

Dr. Oz's Newest Fat Burner

Next Up on HBO Boxing:  Mike Huckabee vs. The

Trashy Housewives of New York City

Oh, looky, Gwyneth Paltrow has one of those new T-fal 

Ultraglide Easycord Vaginal Steamers!

In Saudi Arabia, Hillary Clinton wore the pants and 

the men wore the dresses.

She ran away from Chuck Johnson because she was

highly-educated, and that's what made her hot.

 According to Fearguth's Zippy the Pinhead calendar, 

January is Zen Bowling Month. Fearguth likes Zen 

Bowling because no ball, pins, or lane are required. 

In fact, nothing is required except meditating 

on the idea that nothing is required, thereby

 becoming aware of the Stream of Zippyness.

"Ya know, Mika, Scott Fitzgerald was wrong.  The rich,

like the Koch Brothers, aren't different from you and

me.  They're like most Americans who are worth over

$100 billion."

Cliven Bundy's Son Jailed After Verbally and

Facially Resisting Arrest

"You’re not Eric Holder, are you?" 

asked John Cornyn.

"You're not Big Bad John, are you?"

replied Loretta Lynch.

American Family Association Uses Speedy Alka-Seltzer 

Cannon to Fire Bryan Fischer

The Original Palin® SaladShooter®