Local Hunter Disappointed to Learn There's a

'No Bows-and-Arrows-in-Bars' Law in Virginia

Have you accepted Zippy into your life yet?

Warm Scuzzies #91

Bill Keller

"Ahhh, I can never get enough of that Miracle Whip!"

exclaimed the masochist. "Lash me again!"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #183

Rachel Brown

Don't tell anybody, but this Tea Partier is actually

a conservative Republican in disguise.

"So this is life, eh? And the alternative is

even worse, you say?"

When life gives you lemons, you can either be an optimist

and make lemonade, or you can be a pessimist and

squeeze lemon juice in your eyes. It's your choice.

"The last person out of the closet is a rotten

egg, er, bisexual male!"

"I just performed a proctological exam on the framers

of the Constitution, and you won't believe what I found.

Yes, I found their original understanding of all those

words today's activist judges like to interpret."

What It's Like to Work at the Washington Post These Days

Is Michael Steele the gift that keeps on giving, or the

gift that the 99¢ Store won't take back? The answer

to this question depends on whether you're a

Democrat or a Republican.

"If George Walker Bush ranks 39th among U. S.

Presidents, just above Franklin Pierce, where

do you think that puts you on the scale of Vice

Presidents? Before you answer, Mr. Cheney,

remember your heart."

Ugly Dog

Uglier Dog

"Yes, I'm an American spy. How else would I know there

are only 50 members of Al-Qaida in Afghanistan?"

"Have you ever considered a career

as a Russian spy?"

Warm Scuzzies #90

Democratic National Committee

Sign of the Times #11

"And neighbor, when you stop by for a quick

fill-up, tell 'em you just stepped off Tony

Hayward's yacht!"

Welcome to Phoenix, Decapitation Capital of America

Senator Hatch will oppose the Kagan nomination

because the nominee does not meet his standards.

Thank God for small favors!

"Arizona GOP Utility Commission Candidate

Wants to Cut Off All Utility Services to Homes

with Undocumented Immigrants"

Wong!

Wong!
Wong!

Afghanistan War Independence Day Pyrotechnics

Extravaganza Will Burst with Science, Art, and

Chemistry

"I told you I wear an extra large, dammit!"

Standing Half Nelson

Standing Full Nelson

What a Real Man Eats for Lunch

What Lindsey Graham Eats

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #58

Floyd and Mary Beth Brown

Oxymorons for Our Time #45

Deficit Reduction

Carnivores Protest Kagan Nomination

Blowout Preventer Fails, Barton's Republicans

Fall to Democrats, 13-5

"Some people have a propensity for calling you

'Boss Hogg'. Do you know what that term means?"

"Boss Hogg?"

"No, 'propensity'.

Can't decide what to have for breakfast?

How about potted meat on toast?

World's Worst Yobs #173

Joel Stein

"Go easy on the bad carbs, buddy!

I'm on the South Beach Diet."

"The bad news is that I'm getting older. The good

news is that everyone I despise is too."

Asian Leopard Giving Serious Consideration

to Career as Hypnotherapist

Every indication is that Mike Huckabee is ramping up

for another run for President in 2012. Remember what

happened when he ramped up in 2008?

"Halloween isn't until October 31, Sharron,

so you can take the mask off."

Nearly-Naughty British Wit

Smoking Gun

"Jeffrey Goldberg is a rigorous reporter who writes

beautifully and is fiercely honest, just like me."

"Sure, I suck," the baby said. "Didn't everybody?"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #182

Kenneth W. Royce

"Yes, doctor, it's when Michele started talking

in her sleep about the U. S. withdrawing from

the global economy that I realized she needed

professional help."

Big Mouth Burger

Gaping Maw Burger

If your boss tells you that he sees the 'big picture'

and you don't, it's because he's in it and you're not.

Oxymorons for Our Time #44

Reputable Journalist