Texas Governor Seen as 'Turkey in the Straw' of Florida Poll

Florida Straw Pole Results

Herman Cain: 37.11%

Rick Perry: 15.43%

Mitt Romney: 14%

Rick Santorum: 10.88%

Ron Paul: 10.39%

Newt Gingrich: 8.43%

Jon Huntsman: 2.26%

Michele Bachmann: 1.51%

Greedheads Galore #16

John Steele Gordon

He finally had his ducks in a row.  Now if he could just

remember what for.

Open the windows and fire up the Air Wick® Scented Oil

 Warmers.  Lanny Davis is in the room.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #334

Edith Jones

Secaucus Fats had been giving serious thought to entering

the presidential race as a William Howard Taft Republican.

That was before he learned that Taft was actually a Comm-

unist, whose  domestic agenda emphasized trust-busting,

civil service reform, strengthening the Interstate Com-

merce Commission, improving the performance of the

postal service, and passing the Sixteenth Amend-

ment to the Constitution, which authorized the

income tax.

It only takes Liz Shire, Wendy's research and

development laboratory coordinator, for there

to be too many cooks in the kitchen.

Warm Scuzzies #219

Brian Harrison and W. G. Stover, Jr.

The only thing that could make Rick Santorum more

 repulsive would be if he were the Governor of Texas.

"Sorry, Governor, but when you lose the backing of Bill

Kristol, Erick Erickson, Rich Lowry, Michelle Malkin,

Ann Coulter, and Dana Perino, you're headed for the

last roundup."

"Congratulations, Governor Perry!  You've just

been made an honorary member of The Not

Ready for Prime Time Players."

"Look, it's as simple as it is.  Poor people have too much

 money and rich people don't have enough. 

Next question?"

"Glen Rice's relationship with Sarah was a matter of the

flesh.  My relationship with Sarah has always been

a matter of the spirit.   And, as we all know, the

spirit is superior to the flesh." 

Who, besides Senator Lindsey Graham, was surprised when

it was revealed that one of his biggest campaign contributors

 was a thief who stole more than $3.6 million in grant money?

But that wasn't the biggest surprise.  The biggest surprise

was that the thief's name was 'John Dong'.   

These are some of the interchangeable parts other people

(not shown) use to rule the world.  For example, James

Amos, a four-star Marine general, is seen here protecting

 his private parts from a sneak attack by those (not shown)

who might, at any moment, decide that he is expendable. 

[This, of course, is just another conspiracy theory.]

"I'm just fogging for the 'poisonous fake idealism of happy-

clappy multiculturalists and sick, weak, deracinated

 moral universalists'.  John Derbyshire sent me."

The Last Member of the Itchy-Finger Trigger-Pullers Club

U. S. Analogical Survey Announces Winners of the

2011 Diachronic Analogy Romper Room Death Match

John Fund is a big fan of body language.  Here he's saying,

"Too bad you're dying.  I'll try not to piss on your grave."

"Haven't you heard?  Michele Bachmann, having fallen into

the single digits in all of the Republican presidential polls, is

 asking, 'Where is Joe the Plumber when I need him?'"

"Ever since excerpts of my book on Sarah Palin were leaked

by the National Enquirer, I've been waiting for Robert Stacy

McCain to use Todd Palin as a shillelagh to beat me to a

bloody pulp."

The Tea Party is composed of people who like to wear

their Jesus costumes year round, not just on Halloween.

What if we had a 'Truth in T-Shirt Designs' law?

U.S. Justice Department Accuses Professional

Gambler of Running a Global Poker Scheme

Ted Haggard and Gary Busey to Trade Wives

on Celebrity Wife Swap; "It's the Christian

Thing to Do," Say Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice

World's Worst Yobs #227

Glenn Thrush

“I think it’s a real problem when you have 14 million

unemployed Americans who are not paying their fair

share of income tax."

You were so thoughtful when you decided to Adopt-a-

Highway.  But why stop there?  Charlie Sheen, along

with Bill O'Reilly, urge you to reach toward

tomorrow and Adopt-a-Millionaire.

Koch Brothers Now in Position to Corner the Market

on Republican Party

"Great news, Ann!  Even though we're worth $250,000,000,

we just joined the Middle Class!"

Fed Tries 'Operation Twit' to Spur Growth

"You say it was not a good week to be a dog?

Yeah, tell me about it!"

Colonel Sanders, Eminem's Homie

Rhode Island Republican Representative Daniel Gordon Has

Lengthy Criminal Record and Warped Taste in T-Shirts 

What are you waiting for, Governor Perry?  Two hundred

and thirty-four executions are not nearly enough.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #333

Jeff Landry

There was something about strolling through an abbatoir that

deeply stirred Michele Bachmann's evangelical feminism.

Anonymous’ Protesters Arrested Under Obscure

‘Anti-Guy Fawkes Masks’ Law

Two-Minute Haters #20

William Gawthrop

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #332

David Lewis

Schaeffer Cox, leader of the Alaska

Peacemakers Militia, wants his trial

moved from Anchorage, which, he

says, is "a suburb of Seattle."

Geography is obviously not one

of his strong points, for Seattle

is 2,200 miles from Anchorage. 

"I'm a sap."

Representative John Fleming (R-LA) needs your help.  Even

with his medical practice, his congressional salary of $174,000,

 and the $6.3 million his Subway and UPS franchises pulled

in last year, he's barely scraping by.  So, if you would, please

pay a bit more in taxes so that this Great Physician won't

have to.

S&P Downgrades Berlusconi; Sex Market Falls on News

Bush Library Raises $300 Million from Anonymous Donors

Who Prefer Not to Be Seen in Public with Former President

"I hate to be the one to tell you this, Governor Perry, but

your face has deeper cracks in it than the one a month-old

puppy fell into in Garland, Texas."

Some people believe that Reality is objective and obeys

the laws of logic and the scientific method for formulating

theories, testing hypotheses, and verifying facts. Based

on this belief, some people proudly proclaim themselves

to be members of the Reality-Based Community. The

problem with this belief is that it's only one of many

versions of Reality. Truth is, radically divergent

Reality-Based Communities are constantly competing

for supremacy, and what, at any given moment, is called

the World is the version of Reality currently prevailing.

Julia Koch is allergic to many things---but not

 to her husband's filthy lucre.

"I have more power than anybody other than God. I can get

things changed quickly. I don't have to go through the legis-

lative process; I don't have to do any of that. I can just bring

it to the people, and say, look, this has gotta be dealt with.

And if the people don't agree, I just have them exterm-

inated.  And, by the way,  the name is Stalin, not O'Reilly!"