Saturday, September 24, 2011

Texas Governor Seen as 'Turkey in the Straw' of Florida Poll
Florida Straw Pole Results
Herman Cain: 37.11%
Rick Perry: 15.43%
Mitt Romney: 14%
Rick Santorum: 10.88%
Ron Paul: 10.39%
Newt Gingrich: 8.43%
Jon Huntsman: 2.26%
Michele Bachmann: 1.51%
Greedheads Galore #16
John Steele Gordon
He finally had his ducks in a row.  Now if he could just
remember what for.
Open the windows and fire up the Air Wick® Scented Oil
 Warmers.  Lanny Davis is in the room.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #334
Edith Jones
Secaucus Fats had been giving serious thought to entering
the presidential race as a William Howard Taft Republican.
That was before he learned that Taft was actually a Comm-
unist, whose  domestic agenda emphasized trust-busting,
civil service reform, strengthening the Interstate Com-
merce Commission, improving the performance of the
postal service, and passing the Sixteenth Amend-
ment to the Constitution, which authorized the
income tax.
It only takes Liz Shire, Wendy's research and
development laboratory coordinator, for there
to be too many cooks in the kitchen.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Warm Scuzzies #219
Brian Harrison and W. G. Stover, Jr.
The only thing that could make Rick Santorum more
 repulsive would be if he were the Governor of Texas.
"Sorry, Governor, but when you lose the backing of Bill
Kristol, Erick Erickson, Rich Lowry, Michelle Malkin,
Ann Coulter, and Dana Perino, you're headed for the
last roundup."
"Congratulations, Governor Perry!  You've just
been made an honorary member of The Not
Ready for Prime Time Players."

Thursday, September 22, 2011

"Look, it's as simple as it is.  Poor people have too much
 money and rich people don't have enough. 
Next question?"
"Glen Rice's relationship with Sarah was a matter of the
flesh.  My relationship with Sarah has always been
a matter of the spirit.   And, as we all know, the
spirit is superior to the flesh." 
Who, besides Senator Lindsey Graham, was surprised when
it was revealed that one of his biggest campaign contributors
 was a thief who stole more than $3.6 million in grant money?
But that wasn't the biggest surprise.  The biggest surprise
was that the thief's name was 'John Dong'.   
These are some of the interchangeable parts other people
(not shown) use to rule the world.  For example, James
Amos, a four-star Marine general, is seen here protecting
 his private parts from a sneak attack by those (not shown)
who might, at any moment, decide that he is expendable. 
[This, of course, is just another conspiracy theory.]
"I'm just fogging for the 'poisonous fake idealism of happy-
clappy multiculturalists and sick, weak, deracinated
 moral universalists'.  John Derbyshire sent me."
The Last Member of the Itchy-Finger Trigger-Pullers Club
U. S. Analogical Survey Announces Winners of the
2011 Diachronic Analogy Romper Room Death Match
John Fund is a big fan of body language.  Here he's saying,
"Too bad you're dying.  I'll try not to piss on your grave."
"Haven't you heard?  Michele Bachmann, having fallen into
the single digits in all of the Republican presidential polls, is
 asking, 'Where is Joe the Plumber when I need him?'"
"Ever since excerpts of my book on Sarah Palin were leaked
by the National Enquirer, I've been waiting for Robert Stacy
McCain to use Todd Palin as a shillelagh to beat me to a
bloody pulp."
The Tea Party is composed of people who like to wear
their Jesus costumes year round, not just on Halloween.
What if we had a 'Truth in T-Shirt Designs' law?
U.S. Justice Department Accuses Professional
Gambler of Running a Global Poker Scheme
Ted Haggard and Gary Busey to Trade Wives
on Celebrity Wife Swap; "It's the Christian
Thing to Do," Say Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice
World's Worst Yobs #227
Glenn Thrush
“I think it’s a real problem when you have 14 million
unemployed Americans who are not paying their fair
share of income tax."
You were so thoughtful when you decided to Adopt-a-
Highway.  But why stop there?  Charlie Sheen, along
with Bill O'Reilly, urge you to reach toward
tomorrow and Adopt-a-Millionaire.
Koch Brothers Now in Position to Corner the Market
on Republican Party
"Great news, Ann!  Even though we're worth $250,000,000,
we just joined the Middle Class!"
Fed Tries 'Operation Twit' to Spur Growth
"You say it was not a good week to be a dog?
Yeah, tell me about it!"

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Colonel Sanders, Eminem's Homie
Rhode Island Republican Representative Daniel Gordon Has
Lengthy Criminal Record and Warped Taste in T-Shirts 
What are you waiting for, Governor Perry?  Two hundred
and thirty-four executions are not nearly enough.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #333
Jeff Landry

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

There was something about strolling through an abbatoir that
deeply stirred Michele Bachmann's evangelical feminism.
Anonymous’ Protesters Arrested Under Obscure
‘Anti-Guy Fawkes Masks’ Law
Two-Minute Haters #20
William Gawthrop
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #332
David Lewis
Schaeffer Cox, leader of the Alaska
Peacemakers Militia, wants his trial
moved from Anchorage, which, he
says, is "a suburb of Seattle."
Geography is obviously not one
of his strong points, for Seattle
is 2,200 miles from Anchorage. 
"I'm a sap."
Representative John Fleming (R-LA) needs your help.  Even
with his medical practice, his congressional salary of $174,000,
 and the $6.3 million his Subway and UPS franchises pulled
in last year, he's barely scraping by.  So, if you would, please
pay a bit more in taxes so that this Great Physician won't
have to.
S&P Downgrades Berlusconi; Sex Market Falls on News

Monday, September 19, 2011

Bush Library Raises $300 Million from Anonymous Donors
Who Prefer Not to Be Seen in Public with Former President
"I hate to be the one to tell you this, Governor Perry, but
your face has deeper cracks in it than the one a month-old
puppy fell into in Garland, Texas."
Some people believe that Reality is objective and obeys
the laws of logic and the scientific method for formulating
theories, testing hypotheses, and verifying facts. Based
on this belief, some people proudly proclaim themselves
to be members of the Reality-Based Community. The
problem with this belief is that it's only one of many
versions of Reality. Truth is, radically divergent
Reality-Based Communities are constantly competing
for supremacy, and what, at any given moment, is called
the World is the version of Reality currently prevailing.
Julia Koch is allergic to many things---but not
 to her husband's filthy lucre.
"I have more power than anybody other than God. I can get
things changed quickly. I don't have to go through the legis-
lative process; I don't have to do any of that. I can just bring
it to the people, and say, look, this has gotta be dealt with.
And if the people don't agree, I just have them exterm-
inated.  And, by the way,  the name is Stalin, not O'Reilly!"