Saturday, July 29, 2006

At the ASEAN Ministerial Meeting, Secretary of State Rice
electrified the audience with her muscular, yet sinuous,
interpretation of "I Think I'm Fixin' to Die Rag."
Ambassador Bolton only smiles after he has
bitten off the head of a chicken.
Lu Di, age 6, did 10,000 push-ups in three hours and
twenty minutes. Then he ate a bowl of SpaghettiOs
and took a nap.
CBS has been fined $550,000 for giving us a glimpse of the
boob on the left. The boob on the right is Justin Timberlake.
Despite two dim bulbs, the East Room of
the White House was brightly illuminated.
Alan Garcia, Peru's new President, was
bumfuzzled when he discovered that the
presidential sash was one size too small.
GB and His Mini Me, TB
Were the World Trade Organization to die
and be re-incarnated as a woman, it would
probably look like U. S. Trade Representative
Susan Schwab.

No, this cow is not mad. But it does get a
bit agitated when it hears someone say,
"Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese."
Former American Idol poses with this year's finalists.
Susan Schwab and Celso Amorim do the
Dance of the Lazy Fairies.
Soccerhead Struts His Stuff
March of the Tiny Titans
Five seconds after this picture was taken,
the hunter gigged the elusive albino maxfly.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Move over Lava Lamps, and
make way for Fluorescent Bottles!
It's good to see the high technology
of 2006 finally catching up with the
Stoner Age of the 1970s.
Looking at Floyd Landis, it's hard to
believe that he has 'naturally high'
testosterone levels. It's easier to
believe he has 'naturally high'
zickafoose levels.
In his dreams, Karl Rove is the Silver Surfer,
the superhero who is always one swoosh ahead
of the Big Wave of Recompense.
Get this: if you live in the Democratic
Republic of the Congo and want to hear
live political propaganda, you have to
appear as part of a live advertisement
for Irish dairy products. Think of it as
a commercial within a commercial.
Testifying before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee,
Ambassador Bolton shrank an inch every time he claimed to
be a United Nations 'reformer'. By the end of his testimony,
he was scarcely visible.
At the ASEAN summit, Secretary Rice plays the gams card.
As the Earth warmed, the boys of summer didn't even
wait to shed their suits before they went skinny dipping.
When the water began to boil, the Esther Williams
wannabes realized they had been tricked.
"Yes, I'm a pygmy, I'm slow, and I'm a loris. But,
if I hear one more crack about how I look like
Peggy Noonan, I'm gonna open a big can of whupass!"
"Whoa! Do you really expect me to eat this cheap shit? You
must have me confused with one of those feckless peace doves."

Thursday, July 27, 2006

If you could see the electromagnetic waves emitted
by your cell phone, would you use it more? Or less?
Secretary Rumsfeld has become so friendless
that he has to shake hands with himself.
Nouri and George Do the Iraqalypse Shuffle
"The 'Buddy on Demand' blow-up man fits in a car's glove box,
appears at a flick of a switch and when a woman has finished
using him, she can just pull the plug and he deflates."
This caption raises an important question: if this inflatable
 becomesreally popular, what will happen to the 
'Husband on Demand'?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Excedrin Headache Number 24/7
Speaker Hastert grew increasingly exasperated
when the Iraqi Prime Minister's lengthy remarks
kept him from his 3:00 o'clock feeding.
René Magritte's Golconde (Swimsuit Edition)
Demonstrator Presents Two Compelling Reasons
for Loving Beirut
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
The Shadow knows.
Having slaved all day over their warm guns,
the soldiers took a well-deserved rest.
Colossal Beast Goes on Shopping Rampage in Central Moscow
Polar Bear Expresses Its Opinion of People
Who Poo-Poo Global Warming
Senator Murkowski Tells 63-Pound Whopper,
A New Personal Best
If you are a user of illegal drugs, be advised that
this high-tech narcowarrior is on your case.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Yahweh taunts Allah by raising his right glove
at the end of the first round of Godsmackdown.
Here was the challenge faced by the young man:
how he could maintain a one-to-one ratio between
the tattoo and his body.
Saddam's half-brother, Barzan al-Tikriti, has been
diagnosed with broad-spectrum bromidrosis.
Hard to believe, but some of the most advanced
tanks in the world are built in the Middle East.
It began to dawn on the WTO delegate that
he was either really early or really late for
the meeting.
What was first taken as a sign of the beginning
of The Rapture turned out to be nothing more
than a really awesome fireworks display.