At the ASEAN Ministerial Meeting, Secretary of State Rice

electrified the audience with her muscular, yet sinuous,

interpretation of "I Think I'm Fixin' to Die Rag."

Ambassador Bolton only smiles after he has

bitten off the head of a chicken.

Lu Di, age 6, did 10,000 push-ups in three hours and

twenty minutes. Then he ate a bowl of SpaghettiOs

and took a nap.

CBS has been fined $550,000 for giving us a glimpse of the

boob on the left. The boob on the right is Justin Timberlake.

Despite two dim bulbs, the East Room of

the White House was brightly illuminated.

Alan Garcia, Peru's new President, was

bumfuzzled when he discovered that the

presidential sash was one size too small.

GB and His Mini Me, TB

Were the World Trade Organization to die

and be re-incarnated as a woman, it would

probably look like U. S. Trade Representative

Susan Schwab.

No, this cow is not mad. But it does get a

bit agitated when it hears someone say,

"Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese."

Former American Idol poses with this year's finalists.

Susan Schwab and Celso Amorim do the

Dance of the Lazy Fairies.

Soccerhead Struts His Stuff

March of the Tiny Titans

Five seconds after this picture was taken,

the hunter gigged the elusive albino maxfly.

Move over Lava Lamps, and

make way for Fluorescent Bottles!

It's good to see the high technology

of 2006 finally catching up with the

Stoner Age of the 1970s.

Looking at Floyd Landis, it's hard to

believe that he has 'naturally high'

testosterone levels. It's easier to

believe he has 'naturally high'

zickafoose levels.

In his dreams, Karl Rove is the Silver Surfer,

the superhero who is always one swoosh ahead

of the Big Wave of Recompense.

Get this: if you live in the Democratic

Republic of the Congo and want to hear

live political propaganda, you have to

appear as part of a live advertisement

for Irish dairy products. Think of it as

a commercial within a commercial.

Testifying before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee,

Ambassador Bolton shrank an inch every time he claimed to

be a United Nations 'reformer'. By the end of his testimony,

he was scarcely visible.

At the ASEAN summit, Secretary Rice plays the gams card.

As the Earth warmed, the boys of summer didn't even

wait to shed their suits before they went skinny dipping.

When the water began to boil, the Esther Williams

wannabes realized they had been tricked.

"Yes, I'm a pygmy, I'm slow, and I'm a loris. But,

if I hear one more crack about how I look like

Peggy Noonan, I'm gonna open a big can of whupass!"

"Whoa! Do you really expect me to eat this cheap shit? You

must have me confused with one of those feckless peace doves."

If you could see the electromagnetic waves emitted

by your cell phone, would you use it more? Or less?

Secretary Rumsfeld has become so friendless

that he has to shake hands with himself.

Nouri and George Do the Iraqalypse Shuffle

"The 'Buddy on Demand' blow-up man fits in a car's glove box,
appears at a flick of a switch and when a woman has finished
using him, she can just pull the plug and he deflates."

This caption raises an important question: if this inflatable
 becomesreally popular, what will happen to the 
'Husband on Demand'?

Excedrin Headache Number 24/7

Speaker Hastert grew increasingly exasperated

when the Iraqi Prime Minister's lengthy remarks

kept him from his 3:00 o'clock feeding.

René Magritte's Golconde (Swimsuit Edition)

Demonstrator Presents Two Compelling Reasons

for Loving Beirut

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

The Shadow knows.

Having slaved all day over their warm guns,

the soldiers took a well-deserved rest.

Colossal Beast Goes on Shopping Rampage in Central Moscow

Polar Bear Expresses Its Opinion of People

Who Poo-Poo Global Warming

Senator Murkowski Tells 63-Pound Whopper,

A New Personal Best

If you are a user of illegal drugs, be advised that

this high-tech narcowarrior is on your case.

Yahweh taunts Allah by raising his right glove

at the end of the first round of Godsmackdown.

Here was the challenge faced by the young man:

how he could maintain a one-to-one ratio between

the tattoo and his body.

Saddam's half-brother, Barzan al-Tikriti, has been

diagnosed with broad-spectrum bromhidrosis.

Hard to believe, but some of the most advanced

tanks in the world are built in the Middle East.

It began to dawn on the WTO delegate that

he was either really early or really late for

the meeting.

What was first taken as a sign of the beginning

of The Rapture turned out to be nothing more

than a really awesome fireworks display.