"Don't worry about the White House Correspondents'

Dinner, Donald.  I'll be your body double."

Trump Says He Can't Stand the Heat,

So He's Staying Out of the Kitchen

Remember 'The Masks', the Twilight Zone episode where 

the greedy heirs put on horrid Mardi Gras masks and then 

can't take them off?

"If my name were as long as I am tall, my name wouldn't 

be Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III. It would be Pip."

Haven't we seen this movie before?

In 2015, the U.S. spent $596 billion on the military. 

That's 3 times what China spent, 9 times what Russia

 spent.  Is this what Trump means by 'depleted'?

CodeRed

"By the way, you folks are in here--this place is packed, there

 are lines that go back six blocks and I tell you that because

 you won't read about it, OK."

Donald Trump Sez: "I like Campbell's Soup."

"Great to be back at CPAC!  I love this place!  It really is 

an honor to be here. I wouldn't miss a chance to talk to 

my friends. These are my friends."

Over the years, various synonyms for 'Truth' have been 

suggested.  The most recent is 'Fake News'.

"They say I'm crazy.  That's just Fake News."

Ryan knew Trump was out of focus, but that's just the way

 he liked it.

What Happens When You Lose

Every Case, Week after Week,

to Perry Mason

"Don't worry, CNN viewers and New York

Times readers, you can still catch my press 

briefings on Saturday Night Live."

Law Professors Hit Kellyanne Conway with Misconduct

 Complaint for "Acting in a Way That Brings Shame Upon 

the Legal Profession; "That's Not Possible!" She Says

"Wayne tells me leftwing protesters are being paid $1,500 

a week, tax free.  We need to look into this because I 

thought I was the only one not paying taxes."

Tom Cotton's Natural State

Was it a moth or a butterfly? Vladimir could

 never tell the difference.

Whiteworld #43

"Did you know I can count the number of off-white

people at CPAC on the fingers of one hand?"

Alex Jones Says Russia/Trump Flag Waving at CPAC

Was a 'False Flag Operation'

Oxymorons for Our Time #184

Man-Baby

Rick Perry to Lead America to the Top of the Pack

in Nuclear Arms Race

"Time for your town hall, Louie."

Homeless Man Wonders When a Good Samaritan 

Will Buy Him an In-N-Out Grilled Cheese Sandwich

"Hey, Reince, did you know the leg bone is connected

to the groin bone?"

Ken Bone---Admitted Perv, Insurance Fraudster, and

Ugly Sweater Model---Shows Up at CPAC

Someone needs to ask Steve Bannon to explain the difference 

between 'Deconstruction' and 'Destruction'. His answer would 

be entertaining.

The Alt-Right is now saying ACU stands for 'American

Cuck Union' and CPAC means 'Cuck Political Action

Conference'.  Hello Milo!

Greg Abbott and Dan Patrick, Texas Peckercheckers

Reince Priebus Showing How He Tried to Charm a Top FBI 

Official Into Disputing the Trump Campaign/Russia Connection

They called him Don Cornholione.

Old Men with Guns #34

Adam Purinton

Deconstruction of the Administrative State

for Fun and Profit

Steve Bannon and Reince Priebus Doing Their

Bert & Ernie Routine at CPAC

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #679

Dan Schneider

If Trent Franks has his way, every Arizonan will be 

required to check his or her bale of marijuana to make

 sure it doesn't contain a thermonuclear device. Sad!

"Roger Rabbit is the Enemy of the American People!"

Is Stephen Miller flashing the White Power Sign of the

Three-Eared Sphincter or the Illuminati Sign of the

Three Sixes? Conspiracists want to know.

Trumpian Deflector Shield Seen as Effective Solution

to Illegal Alien Infiltration

Felix Sater sounds like the kind of criminal who deserves 

the fate of Major Dexter Smythe, the villain in Octopussy, 

who is accidentally stung by a Scorpionfish and partially 

eaten by an octopus.

People are more afraid of Trent Franks than they are

of nuclear weapons inside bales of marijuana smuggled

into the U.S. from Mexico. 

Trump's Facepalm FAIL

We know gold is not supposed to tarnish, but isn't

Trump's hair turning green?

Trump says he likes states, like South Carolina, he won

by 'double, double, double digits'. He apparently 

doesn't like New York, his home state, because he lost 

it by 23 points, or 'double, double, double, double digits'.

The Nutty Messiah #1

Ben and Me

Remember when Trump threatened to cut off federal

 funding from Berkeley because it cancelled Milo's

speaking engagement? Will he now treat CPAC the 

same way? Ha, no way! He's going to be a CPAC

 keynoter!

The nation was shocked today when it learned Trump's 

rally in Florida was planned by 'conservative activists'.

The motto of the Trump Crime Family is

 'In Gold We Trust'.

Non Gradus Anus Rodentum!