Parental Advisory #5

Explicit Comfort Station Claymation

One wonders if Greg Abbott, a Roman Catholic,

 obeys the Fourth Commandment, "Remember the 

Sabbath Day, to keep it holy."

-

Equine Pornographer at Work

Still Life with Donald Rumsfeld and Iraq

Parmenides and His Horse Proving That Change

Is Impossible

Nature abhors a vacuum. This has been true 

since one of the preSocratics first ejaculated, 

"Goddam this Eureka!."

As Zippy the Pinhead might say, "All life is a blur

of Spinghazi and Tittoos."

Senator Coburn's Cat

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #82

The Unloved One

"Let me be clear, I don't trust the Republicans.  And I 

don't trust the Democrats.  Some days, I'm so

McCarthyized, I don't even trust myself! And I 

don't drink!"

Little Known Fact #37

Stephen King moonlights as an understudy to Mike

Gordon, the bass player of Phish.

Sorry, Daft Punk, but trading one copy of Chase and 

Status's 'No More Idols' for ten copies of 'Random

 Access Memories' would be a bad deal. 

Plumber's Friend

Tax-Dodger's Friend

E. W. 'Wide Awake' Jackson Demands to See 

Harry Reid's LDS Identification Card

For the fourth time since 1956, the residents of

Portland, Oregon have voted to foil the con-

spiracy to sap and impurify all of their precious 

bodily fluids.

"You're cute and all, little darlin', and I know you're

hungry, but like the Bible says, 'The one who is unwilling 

to work shall not eat'.”

Warm Scuzzies #398

Tim Cook

More Tornadoes from the Global Warming Hoax? 

Nobody Knows!

World's Worst Yobs #287

Christopher Bedford

Malkin Dairy Breed Best Known for High Yield 

of Clabbered Milk

It didn't take long for the world to realize that Tom

Coburn was nothing more than a run-of-the-mill

street thug.

"The reports that I have become a zombie are

somewhat exaggerated."

Mark Amodei (R-NV) Sez:  "While I'm happy to give

up my taxpayer-subsidized health insurance, I would

ask that everyone keep their distance and not breathe

any germs on me."

"Honestly, do I look stark staring mad to you?"

Rand Paul Says 'Damning IRS Memo' 

Hidden Under Bigfoot's Party Hat

"Where is he?"

"Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife."

It's official:  Mt. Everest is now the world's 

highest landfill.

Warm Scuzzies #397

Jonathan Karl

The Jackass Whisperer

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #499

Pete Santilli

"Take it from me, folks:  'Aquafresh Iso-Active Lasting 

Impact Head-to-Toe Whitening Paste' really works!

Be sure to try our recipe for kickin' Hindu Skewers!

Rightbloggers and Other 

Internet Biohazards #137

Cranky Hermit

World's Worst Yoobs #133

Emily Esfahani Smith

"'High fructose corn syrup'?  Oh,  I've heard

of that!"

"According to the New York Stock Exchange

at 3:01 p.m., you are now worth $2,422.35,

down from $2,423.10 yesterday."

It's possible tomorrow will never come.

"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six 

crazy conspiracy theories before breakfast."

Warm Scuzzies #396

ABC News

"All to Jesus I surrender;

Now I feel the sacred flame.

Oh, the joy of full salvation!

Glory, glory, to His Name!"

"I'm strong to the finich 

Cause I eats me spinach."

Did he want a single-dip or double-dip Hot Beef

Sundae for lunch?  He couldn't make up his mind.

World's Worst Yobs #286

Kevin Williamson

Abu Sakkar Sez:  "I don't bother to win the hearts

 and minds of my Syrian enemies.  I just eat them."

[Uncooked, no less!]

Who Moved Rob Ford's Crack Pipe?