Thursday, December 18, 2014

Dallas Strip Club Sued for Being a 'Common Nuisance' 
and a 'Threat to Roman Architecture'
Gabriel Heatter

Gabriel's Heater
Joseph Epstein's ears double as NSA listening posts on the
Fourteenth Day of Zappadan.
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #155
Octobeard Terrified by Octomom
The 7 Stages of Grief: 1) Bad Egg, 2) Ugly Duckling, 
3) Daffy Duck, 4) Lame Duck, 5) Dead Duck, 
6) Duck Soup, and 7) Phil Robertson
Lookee here!  We got $2.50 a gallon gas without a
President Gingrich.  Win-win!
Father:  "It's all yours, son!  It's just like mine!"
Son:  "Thanks, Pop!  It's the Red Ryder AR-15
 I've always wanted for Christmas!"
It rained on orthodoxy's parade on the 
Thirteenth Day of Zappadan.
North Korean Soldier Disciplined After Being Caught
Peeking at The Interview
Bill O'Reilly Sez:  "It isn't a mythical war 
on Christmas. It's real and we just won!"
In order to fully normalize relations with Cuba, will Barack
Obama be required to hold hands with Fidel Castro?
Human Rights Abuser Normalizes Relations with
Human Rights Abuser

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

If you doubt the efficacy of the Cuban Embargo, just look 
at how it has turned Fidel Castro into an octogenarian!
"Standing on my left is my BFF, the 'hapless' David Rivera, 
who this fall made 'the worst congressional comeback 
attempt of all time'.  Let's give him a big round of 
applause before he becomes a complete and total
 political nonentity."
Senator Harumphio Takes a Timeout for a Cooldown
Where Cashew Milk Comes From
American Schutzstaffel #46
Rick 'I'm More Jewish Than You Think I Am' Perry
Playing Ring-Around-the-Menorah
Denise McAllister Sez:  "Yes, Christians can support
torture."
[Well, they obviously did in the past and do in
the present.  But, should they?]

"Harumph!  I think I should have been Time's
Poisson of the Year!"
Der Führer's Face Sez:  "I think the nation needs to realize 
that when we tell you to do something, do it!" 
["Der Führer says we is de master race."]

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Potrzebie Prize #24
Jeffrey Follmer, Cleveland Police
Union Chief, Lauded for His Ability 
to Say the Most Ludicrous Things 
with a Straight Face
'Academic Building' at Texas A&M to Be Renamed
'Governor Rick Perry 2.2 GPA Building'
Scientists say the Cheney Monument discovered by the
Curiosity rover is evidence that Mars may have once
been inhabited by organic molecules which now live
in an undisclosed location.
Observers say the most exciting event at the 11th 
annual Emerald Cup in northern California was 
watching the grass grow.
Why wasn't Man Haron Monis on Australia's
Terrorist Watch List?  Probably for the same
reason Brad Stone wasn't on America's.
Following a recommendation from Fox News, Jeb
Bush has selected Merle Haggard's 'Re-Branded
Man' as his 2016 campaign theme song.
Jeb Bush Not Looking Forward to Having His Campaign 
Portrait Painted by His Brother
Dora 'Actively Exploring' 2016 Run, Too
"Back off!  Your rights end where my nose begins and
I have a big nose!"
"Sorry, mate, but the only bloody flavor the Albatross 
comes in is Bush."
"Despite the presidencies of my father and my brother, 
America's ship of state remains afloat.  Therefore, I have 
decided to actively explore the possibility of running for 
President of the United States in 2016."
"If you'd like to know how to fool the GOP into believing 
you're a bold leader and strategic mastermind like me, 
just message me on Facebook."
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Sez:  "Liberal media?  Bah,
humbug!  Only Fox News is fair and balanced!"
[James Mitchell is now his BFF.]
Rick Perry was perplexed when he
saw that every poll indicated only 5%
 of Republicans backed him in the 
race for the 2016 Republican 
presidential nomination.  "Surely
there are more Texas Aggies in 
the GOP than that," he thought.
When he learned that not even Ron Fournier believed a 
word he said, Dick Cheney knew his End Time had
drawn nigh.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Michele Bachmann and Two of Her Favorite 'Native
Americans' Say Farewell to Capitol Hill
Those who say 'Crime Does Not Pay' have obviously
never met the CIA's Matthew Zirbel.
Hey, Marc Thiessen!  Tell us more about 'Ebola 
Terrorism' and your complicity in what Politifact
is calling the '2014 Lie of the Year'.
Ian Fleming described James Bond as having "a cruel-
looking mouth."  The famous author never met Dick Cheney,
but had he, he would have doubtlessly described the former
Vice-President's mouth in the same way.
Congressman Blake Farenthold (R-TX) Looking for
Buyer of His Internet Domain, Blow-Me.Org
"Keep sawing.  Cheney says torture works."
Why are so many cops these days making it harder and
 harder to tell them apart from skinheads?
Q:  How does Dick Cheney's morality differ from Man 
Haron Monis's?
A:  It doesn't.  Both moralities claim that might makes 
right, that the end justifies the means, and that the 
destruction of innocent people is acceptable so long
 as the objective is achieved.
Warm Scuzzies #520
Jeffrey Follmer
"If smoking a turd is bad for you, why do I look so cool 
when I do it?"
Ted Cruz Running Neck and Neck with Dick Cheney
for 'Most Despised Man in America Award' for 2014
Bare feet are acceptable on the Twelfth
Day of Zappadan.