Sunday, April 26, 2015

Mike Huckabee Sez:  "We are moving rapidly towards the 
criminalization of Christianity.”
[If Mike's a Christian, criminalization isn't 
moving nearly rapidly enough.]
They outnumbered him 30 to 1, but he had them surrounded.
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #59
David Morgan
The difference between Leaders and Followers is this:  
Leaders pretend to know where we're headed and 
Followers don't even pretend.
"If you think my Joy Buzzer is funny, Rick, you should
sit on my Poo-Poo Cushion."
John McCain is such a cheater he even peeks when he
does a facepalm.
Bruce Jenner credits eating Wheaties
for converting him from a male
liberal Democrat to a female
conservative Republican.
Rick Barclay Sez:  "'Murica!  'Murica!  'Murica!"
[He's so patriotic he buys pocket-size
Constitutions by the case.]
How long will we have to keep reminding ourselves that
 Fat Tony Scalia is not the Capo de Tutti Frutti of the
 Lou Costello Crime Family?

Saturday, April 25, 2015

One of the highlights of the annual
White House Correspondents' Dinner
is Group Tongue Bathing.
U.S. Builds Replica of Iran, Now Trying to Find a Place
 to Store It

Friday, April 24, 2015

Isn't it a violation of the Irony Act for the leader of the 
47 Traitors to also be the leader of the fight to renew the
 Patriot Act?
"I'm tellin' ya, Mugsy, Grandpa Walnuts never laid 
glove on me!"
What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #18
A Freshwater Pocket Shark
Somewhere Over the Rainbow Jesus,
 Rod Dreher Lies
Video Emerges of Police Not Shooting Unarmed Black Man
After Little Girl Was Asked How She Would React 
If She Found Out Ted Cruz Was Her Father
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #58
Angelo John Gage

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Big Bad John had begun to fear Chinless Mitch's face
was melting.
David Petraeus:  Not Too Big to Fail, But Too Big to Jail
Ted Cruz Leads Charge of the Light Brigade
 But Is AWOL at the Climactic Battle of 
Loretta Lynch
The President needed to kill another terrorist, but he
couldn't remember where he put the remote.
Warm Scuzzies #550
James Caputo
Bobby Jindal Vows to Become the
George Wallace of Same-Sex
Marriage Discrimination

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

"Brother David, Governor Walker is making us look
bad on that rather unpleasant immigration business.  
Wouldn't you agree that the time has come for us to cut 
his puppet strings?"
"Brother Charles, here's a toast to such a capital idea!"
Archaeologist in Charge of Election 
2000 Dig Claims to Have Found
the World's Oldest Hanging Chad
They call Marco Rubio 'The Republican Savior' 
because he alone can save the GOP from all the 
other crank wankers who want to be President.
Dunk, the NSA's Earth Day Mascot, Sez:  "Instead of 
throwing your phone calls, emails, and texts away, we 
recycle them each and every day."
Oklahomans were relieved to learn that 
their earthquakes are caused by fracking, 
not by giant underground carnivorous
 worms.
"So much space debris!" laments the Earth Day Pessimist.
"So many satellites!" sings the Earth Day Optimist.
"Aiiieee!  I need a wider bicycle seat!"
"Hey. If you criticize my necktie, I'll drop your ass!"

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Warm Scuzzies #549
Steve Knight
Some people at Coachella didn't take drugs; they wore them.
Flag Desecration #86
Steampunk Hippo
The Politico Illustrated #39
'Koch brothers will offer audition to Jeb Bush'
"I am not a quack!"
Local Man Using GoFundMe to Buy His Very Own
Personal Congressman
For Whom the Blue Bell Tolls

Monday, April 20, 2015

Kermit Sues Newly-Discovered Costa Rican
Frog for Trademark Infringement
Fox & Friends Warn of New Form of Pot 
That Is More Dangerous Than You’re Being 
Led to Believe
Four Out of Five Doctors Are 99 and 44/100 Percent Sure 
There Is a 91% Chance Lindsey Graham Will Run for
 President
World's Worst Yobs #327
Peter Schweizer
Bright Bart

Not-So Breitbart
While he is waiting for God to tell him to run for President,
God is waiting for John Kasich to be struck by lightning.
The world breathed a collective sigh of relief when it
learned that being Marco Rubio is not a choice.