Saturday, May 28, 2016

"But, officer, I didn't know Dave Schools was 
loaded when I bought my ticket to the 
Hard Working Americans show!"
Donald Trump Now Espouses 58 Conspiracy Theories, 
Promises to Top 75 by Labor Day
The Unexpurgated Bible #137
And to the woman taken in adultery, Jesus said, 
"Go thou and sin no more!" [Th-wack!]
"Go thou and sin no more!" [Th-wack!]
"Go thou and sin no more!" [Th-wack!]
Now Trending on Twitter
Man in the Moon Tells Lunatics There Is No Drought
While the main attraction at the GOP circus is certainly
Donald Trump, please don't overlook the sideshow.
I Come in Peace for All Catkind
"Thank God, it's finally Caturday, and I'm famished!"
If Donald Trump's point in calling Elizabeth Warren
 'Pocohontas' is that she's a liar, why doesn't he call her
 'Lance Armstrong'?  Pocohontas is not nearly as
famous for being a liar.
The Unexpurgated Bible #136
And then Jesus the Libertarian said to Matthew
 the Publican, "You do know, don't you, that 
taxation is theft?"
“What happens is the very hostile judge, who happens to be, 
I believe, Indian, because he's from Indiana."
America's Fling Poo and North Korea's Kim Jong-un 
Do the Dance of the Potatomorphs
Bernie Sanders Clobbers Trump, Makes
Captain America Great Again
Trump Outlines His Foreign Policy
Not until you scrape your fingernails across a blackboard
do you get the sound of Sarah Palin's voice just right.
Sarah Palin is such a ditwad she can't even get a 
century-old saying right.  'Suck it up, cupcake!' 
must be the Wasillabilly version.

Friday, May 27, 2016

"Are you a human being?"
"No, but I played one once on The Apprentice."
Fly in Donald Trump's Hair Goes Viral
'Dramatic Misspelling Bee Ends in a Tei'
"I know gibberish. I have the best gibberish."
New Caleb Howe Merch

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Clown Hall #5
MC Squirtle
Trumpelstiltskin Spins Gold into $60,000 
Microcylinder Hair Intervention 
Just Deserts #4
Ken Starr Demoted, Will Spend Eternity 
as Baylor University Waterboy
New Rick Perry Merch
Republicans Fall in Line Behind Trump
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #79
Ed Krayewski
"Honey, guess what I found at the bottom of my Low-Life 
Scum Smoothie."
"Ken Paxton?"
"Good guess!" 
"Oh, I found the same thing at the bottom 
of mine yesterday."
"I'm bored. Why is it nothing ever happens around here?"
"I can add and subtract but I can't seem to
multiply.  Is it sexual dysfunction, Doc, or 
am I just bad at math?"
When pain from old rodeo injuries flares up, Texas Ag
Commish Sid Miller gets a 'Jesus Shot' and puts on 
his favorite hat.
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #176

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

*Unsolicited Thumb in the Anus
Q: What Is Donald Trump's Primary Business?
A: Monkey Business.
According to some Christian semioticians, this Trump
hand signal probably means, "I thank the Holy Trinity
for my success."
Taliban Names Invisible Man New Leader
Warm Scuzzies #591
Peter Thiel
Mary Lou Bruner Loses Texas State Board of Education 
Election to Mona Lisa Impersonator from Planet Zark
Ariadne's Bed
"Yes, Philippe, I'm afraid that's the last of the Trumpflies."
With all this bullshit, there must be a Trump
 in there somewhere.
"Good Morning, Mr. Phelps. Your mission, should
you decide to accept it, is to determine if any part
 of Donald Trump's body is original equipment."
What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #37
A Microcylinder Hair Intervention

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Baylor University Not Commenting on Reports 
That the Mills of God Are Slowly Grinding 
Kenneth Starr Exceeding Small
Joe the Plumber's Latest Grift
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #136
Invasion of the Meat Puppets
René Magritte's The Son of Invisible Man
"Donald Trump, take me, I'm yours!"
"My theory is: You don’t put ideas in peoples’ heads; they 
just grow there. You might call it the Parthenogenetic 
Theory of Ideas."
Trey Ben-Ghazidi Endorses Trump, Reveals Elective
 Affinity with Jar Jar Binks