Fans of The Big Lebowski worldwide ordered another round

of White Russians after hearing that Todd Palin had been

stripped of his title, 'First Dude'. Henceforth, the husband

of the Governor of Alaska will be known as the 'First Dud'.

You could always tell when Sarah Palin was serving

up a lot of red meat to the crowd.

"Senator McCain, isn't it rather odd that I, the only black man

in this audience, am begging you, a white man, to assassinate

Barack Obama's character?"

Saturday Cat Blogging with Vladimir Putin

In 2000, Karl Rove tried to destroy John McCain's reputation,

but he didn't quite finish the job. In 2008, he has.

Sarah Palin's Pet Cougar

World's Worst Jobs #89

Chinese Confiscated Motorcycle Valet

"Help! Help! I'm being sliced and diced!"

World's Worst Yoobs #27

Jennifer Rubin

Dr. Frankenstein in the Laboratory with His Monster

"Senator Ted Stevens' word is sterling, just like

mine was on February 6, 2003, when the only

true words I spoke that day were 'This will be

the lowest point in my life'."

What if you found out you had been predestined by God to be
the NBC test pattern for WNBT in New York? Well, that's
what Tucker Bounds, a spokesman for John McCain, found
out today. This may sound like bad news for Tucker, but it
 could have been much worse. He could have been pre-
destined to remain the puckered asshole that he

already is.

Unfortunately, General Lee arrived 143 Years too late to aid

John McCain's campaign to save the Confederacy of Dunces.

"You think Bill Ayers is 'unrepentant'? Don't make me aarrff!

After I stopped chasing cars--for which, by the way, I don't regret

a moment--I went on to become the official Best Friend of the

Butthole Surfers. Repentance? That word is not in my vocabulary."

"Commander McCain, anytime you want to shout

'Abandon Ship!' will be just fine with me."

Have you ever wondered why there are so few Olympic-class

swimmers in the world? It's because they have to swim so

far upstream to spawn.

Taking time off from his Doughy Pantload duties down on

The Corner, Jonah Goldberg says he will be dealing with the

financial crisis this afternoon by taking his daughter to the

movies to watch Michael Douglas play 'Gordon Gekko'

in Wall Street.

The Senator had heard the voice before, but he had dismissed
it as a mere sound effect. But, this time, there could be no
 doubt he was hearing a voice from the past say, "Have you
 no sense of decency, sir, at long last?"

Christopher Buckley has announced he will vote for Barack

Obama come November. Like his recently-deceased father,

William F. Buckley, Jr., Chris knows what conservatism is. And

it's NOT what is represented by John McCain and Sarah Palin.

It was obvious the 'Don't Mess with Iraq' anti-littering

campaign just wasn't working.

"Isn't anyone going to ask me what my Secret Plan is to

capture Osama bin Laden?"

"Hmm, will the stock market today (1) decline, (2) descend,

(3) dip, (4) dive, (5) drop, (6) plunge, (7) nosedive, (8) skid,

(9) slide, (10) slump, (11) tumble, (12) crash, (13) fall, (14) sink,

or (15) plummet?"

Wasn't Jason Voorhees' mother a 'Hockey Mom'?

Cheap (chēp) adj. 1. of poor quality. 2. worthy of no respect.

3. vulgar or contemptible.

Etiology of PB&J

"McCain so erratic he even scare us Kuna women."

Latest Headwear from the House of Bush:

the Lame Duck

There are two kinds of Republicans who say Barack Obama is a

'terrorist': first, the Deluded, who really believe that he is, and

second, the Deluders, who don't believe that he is, but will say

anything to keep the Deluded deluded long enough to win the

next election.

"Did you hear the stock market fell 678 points today? That's the

good news. The bad news is that Bill Ayers contributed $200

to Barack Obama's campaign for re-election to the Illinois

State Senate in 2001."

Some rednecks are smart enough to realize that race is a

Republican Party wedge issue they can no longer afford.

Not just employers lowball these days.

Rather than conduct a bake sale to raise funds for 
her husband's presidential campaign, Cindy McCain 
has decided to sell her new cookbook at upcoming
 rallies. It's called The Testicle Cookbook:

Cooking with Balls.

"Gloves on or off, Senator McCain! It doesn't matter to me!"

The Moment the Governor of Alaska Learned Hugh Hewitt's Book,

How Sarah Palin Won the Election…and Saved America, Would

Not Be Published

Clarabell always chortled when Sister Aimee rubbed his tummy.

Much more unsightly than cellulite, a Devo Saddle appears

without warning and is virtually impossible to exuviate.

Rick Davis, chairman of the McCain/Palin campaign, says
 he isutterly mystified why crowds supporting the 
Republican nominees are booing and hissing, chanting
 "Traitor!", "Criminal!", "Terrorist!", and yelling "Kill 
Him!" and "Off with His Head!"

World's Worst Yoobs #26

Nicolle Wallace

"I know this may come as a shock to you, but I’ll be voting

for John McCain on November 4."

"I wonder what my Mom will say if I shout, 'Sarah, you're a hottie!'?"

Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN) has come out of the

closet wearing a Neiman-Marcus suit given to him

by a campaign contributor.

"Across this country, this is the agenda I have set before my

fellow prisoners and the same standards of clarity and candor

must now be applied to my opponent. Yes, my friends, we're all

POWs now!"

Recently-Declassified Photograph #9

FBI Finally Captures Fearguth the Hothead

(But Only on Film)

Barack Obama, who, disguised as a mild-mannered Senator from

Illinois, will lead the United States in the never-ending battle for

Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

"Remember what Candy told the hunchback in the Terry

Southern novel? Well, that's what Sarah keeps telling me:

'Give me your hump, John, give me your hump!'"

At age 72, John McCain knows his greatest enemy

is not Barack Obama. It's the Law of Gravity.

"I'll fund my health care plan by betting on red.

That leaves green and yellow. Senator Obama?"

"Sarah Palin represents a fatal cancer on the Republican Party.

Me? I'm just a Seborrheic Keratosis."

Republican Breakfast Du Jour:

Bagel with a Schmear of Obama

Popular Republican Party Card Game