Saturday, March 04, 2006

"At one time I was this close to Jack Abramoff.
Back then, we joked about eLot being the guy
whose wife was turned into a pillow of salt."
Still Life with Iced Tea and Peckerwoods
To the sound of trumpets,
Bush and Musharraf do
'The Dance of the Oligarchs'.
Stan Laurel with His Hat On


Stan Laurel with His Hat Off
At first Senator Santorum favored
the 'intelligent design' explanation of
why his nose was growing.
But then he switched to the
more scientific 'Pinocchio' theory.
Arriving by hot-air balloon, Congressman Hastert
is saddened to hear that his attempt to rescue
New Orleans was six months too late.
Security was tight at the airport where a
friend of Pakistan and former friend of
the United States was scheduled to land.
Charles Krauthammer surprises his friends
when he tells them he is really Jack Jeebs.
Tony Shalhoub's Evil Twin

Friday, March 03, 2006

The President and First Lady
were stunned when they realized
they had landed in the wrong movie.
"Holy mackerel, Laura! This isn't Neverland,
this is Syriana."
This is a portrait of
John Dickerson as a young man,
before he wised up to
the incompetence of George W. Bush.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Two rogue 'urban elephants' pause for a photo op
before resuming their destructive rampage
up and down the Monongahela Valley.
"I have a pretty dim view of human nature,
as I think any serious historian must.
Take me, Michael Ledeen, for instance.
Not a pretty sight, wouldn't you say?
And let's not even talk about Wolfowitz,
the guy behind me."
Fun Geographical Fact:
Joe Lieberman is the
lowest point in Connecticut,
282 feet below Shays Level.
Dr. Strangelove Redivivus
Jonah and the Whale
"Hi, I'm John Tierney.
Have you ever wondered
if I moved my hand,
would my head fall off?"
In an attempt to establish her 'crunchy con'
creds with Rod Dreher, Ann Coulter introduced
SuperDave, her solar-powered sex machine.
As he paid a floral tribute to the Father of India,
the President remarked:
"I am grateful to have the opportunity to honor
Mahatma Gandhi at this sacred site.
His life was an inspiration to me,
especially at that moment when
I gave the order to invade Iraq."
Bill and David Montgolfier chat about their
starring role in the upcoming Fox miniseries,
The Golden Age of Gasbaggery.
A researcher at the Center for Genome
Research and Biocomputing announced
today she has isolated the 'moral turpitude' gene.
"For some time," she added, "we geneticists have
wondered why so many Republicans are corrupt.
Now we know."
"What do you get when you cross Jaws with Flipper?"
A fish that will bite you in half then save you from drowning.
Another former Bush supporter has his
past sins washed away.
Spot the Loony

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

"It is such a wonderful moment for us in Afghanistan
to have our great friend, our great supporter, a man
that helped us liberate, a man that helped us rebuild,
a man that helped us move toward the future.
So as I disambiguate the black keys from the white,
let's give a big round of applause to
James Brown and the Famous Flames."
Couch potato says it will take
forty-five days to generate enough energy
to get up and take control of US ports.
Police forensic officers examine a red van found
abandoned just outside Baghdad. Investigating detectives
say that "a significant amount of cash" was recovered
from the latest Halliburton heist.
"Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister, for agreeing to
change the name of the world's largest democracy to Willie,
the nickname Laura and I use to summon our cat India
when it's time for her tuna-flavored kitty treats."
"We've got U. S. forces on the hunt.
There are Afghan forces on the hunt.
We've got Pakistan forces on the hunt.
And this morning I learned that Dick Cheney is on the hunt.
No question, before I start drawing Social Security,
bin Laden will be brought to justice."
Asked if he thought editorial cartoons were funny,
Mr. Hiatt didn't even smile.
Governor Fletcher explains how he accidentally
appointed himself to two seats
on the Kentucky Supreme Court.
With his approval rating at 18%,
the Vice-President had begun to wonder
if Lynne was still behind him.
As Prime Minister Singh was speaking, the President
thought: "Funny thing, Laura and I have a pet cat
named India. I wonder if this guy in the ten-gallon
turban knows she's been fixed."
"If I worried about the polls and
what the American people think,
I wouldn't be doing my job.
My job is to make sure Barney gets
lots of cookies and hugs, and to lay
a wreath on the grave of Spot every day."
In San Diego, the President sang 'When the Levee Breaks'.
In New Orleans, the levee broke.
As the Lord saith,
"In those days, I will pour out my Spirit;
and they shall prophesy."

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Pop Quiz:
Which is cowboy, which is Indian?
Audrey II Ends Hunger Strike,
Sings 'Feed Me'
If Horowitz had recognized the Sign of the Cuckold
flashed by his female companions,
he wouldn't be smiling.
Photographic Evidence of Why Senator Santorum
Was Admonished for Bringing a Human Hand Grenade
Too Near the Nation's Capitol
Asked if 'proactive news' used to be called 'propaganda',
the Secretary of Defense used pantomime
to convey his answer.
"I had hoped the face transplant would boost
my approval rating. But, quite frankly,
it appears I'm in my last throes."
Representative Pombo Proudly Displays
His Abramoff-Hurwitz-Wikipedia Trophy
"Just between you and me, Senator,
Bush is a whistle ass."
Strolling through the Hall of Egomania,
Vice-President 18% and President 34%
thought: "Bode Miller rocks!"

Monday, February 27, 2006

Karl Rove has confirmed what Anna Nicole Smith
revealed today in her oral argument before the Supreme Court.
"Yes, it's true," Rove said, "the secret of Ms. Smith's success
is the fact that I'm not just Bush's brain."
Justice Scalia couldn't decide which he liked better:
duck hunting with Dick Cheney in Louisiana,
or watching Anna Nicole Smith present her
stimulating 'wall-to-wall' oral argument
before the Supreme Court.
Asked what she would do if one of her daughters
were raped and became pregnant,
South Dakota Senator Julie Bartling replied:
"Like Scott McClellan, I'm not into hypotheticals."
"Pennsylvania is thataway, Hannidaters!
So send your college education bucks back east--NOW!
I promise that Rick Santorum will put your parents' money
to much better use than you ever will here at UVSC."
Anna Nicole Smith Presents Novel
'Lap Dance' Argument Before U. S. Supreme Court