"At one time I was this close to Jack Abramoff.

Back then, we joked about eLot being the guy

whose wife was turned into a pillow of salt."

Still Life with Iced Tea and Peckerwoods

To the sound of trumpets,

Bush and Musharraf do

'The Dance of the Oligarchs'.

Stan Laurel with His Hat On

Stan Laurel with His Hat Off

At first Senator Santorum favored

the 'intelligent design' explanation of

why his nose was growing.

But then he switched to the

more scientific 'Pinocchio' theory.

Arriving by hot-air balloon, Congressman Hastert

is saddened to hear that his attempt to rescue

New Orleans was six months too late.

Security was tight at the airport where a

friend of Pakistan and former friend of

the United States was scheduled to land.

Charles Krauthammer surprises his friends

when he tells them he is really Jack Jeebs.

Tony Shalhoub's Evil Twin

The President and First Lady

were stunned when they realized

they had landed in the wrong movie.

"Holy mackerel, Laura! This isn't Neverland,

this is Syriana."

This is a portrait of John Dickerson as 
a young man, before he wised up to

the incompetence of George W. Bush.

Two rogue 'urban elephants' pause for a photo op

before resuming their destructive rampage

up and down the Monongahela Valley.

"I have a pretty dim view of human nature,

as I think any serious historian must.

Take me, Michael Ledeen, for instance.

Not a pretty sight, wouldn't you say?

And let's not even talk about Wolfowitz,

the guy behind me."

Fun Geographical Fact:

Joe Lieberman is the

lowest point in Connecticut,

282 feet below Shays Level.

Dr. Strangelove Redivivus

Jonah and the Whale

"Hi, I'm John Tierney.

Have you ever wondered

if I moved my hand,

would my head fall off?"

In an attempt to establish her 'crunchy con'

creds with Rod Dreher, Ann Coulter introduced

SuperDave, her solar-powered sex machine.

As he paid a floral tribute to the Father of India,

the President remarked:
"I am grateful to have the opportunity to honor

Mahatma Gandhi at this sacred site.

His life was an inspiration to me,

especially at that moment when

I gave the order to invade Iraq."

Bill and David Montgolfier chat about their

starring role in the upcoming Fox miniseries,

The Golden Age of Gasbaggery.

A researcher at the Center for Genome

Research and Biocomputing announced

today she has isolated the 'moral turpitude' gene.

"For some time," she added, "we geneticists have

wondered why so many Republicans are corrupt.

Now we know."

"What do you get when you cross Jaws with Flipper?"

A fish that will bite you in half then save you from drowning.

Another former Bush supporter has his

past sins washed away.

Spot the Loony

"It is such a wonderful moment for us in Afghanistan

to have our great friend, our great supporter, a man

that helped us liberate, a man that helped us rebuild,

a man that helped us move toward the future.

So as I disambiguate the black keys from the white,

let's give a big round of applause to

James Brown and the Famous Flames."

Couch potato says it will take

forty-five days to generate enough energy

to get up and take control of US ports.

Police forensic officers examine a red van found

abandoned just outside Baghdad. Investigating detectives

say that "a significant amount of cash" was recovered

from the latest Halliburton heist.

"Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister, for agreeing to

change the name of the world's largest democracy to Willie,

the nickname Laura and I use to summon our cat India

when it's time for her tuna-flavored kitty treats."

"We've got U. S. forces on the hunt.

There are Afghan forces on the hunt.

We've got Pakistan forces on the hunt.

And this morning I learned that Dick Cheney is on the hunt.

No question, before I start drawing Social Security,

bin Laden will be brought to justice."

Asked if he thought editorial cartoons were funny,

Mr. Hiatt didn't even smile.

Governor Fletcher explains how he accidentally

appointed himself to two seats

on the Kentucky Supreme Court.

With his approval rating at 18%,

the Vice-President had begun to wonder

if Lynne was still behind him.

As Prime Minister Singh was speaking, the President

thought: "Funny thing, Laura and I have a pet cat

named India. I wonder if this guy in the ten-gallon

turban knows she's been fixed."

"If I worried about the polls and

what the American people think,

I wouldn't be doing my job.

My job is to make sure Barney gets

lots of cookies and hugs, and to lay

a wreath on the grave of Spot every day."

In San Diego, the President sang 'When the Levee Breaks'.

In New Orleans, the levee broke.

As the Lord saith,

"In those days, I will pour out my Spirit;

and they shall prophesy."

Pop Quiz:

Which is cowboy, which is Indian?

Audrey II Ends Hunger Strike,

Sings 'Feed Me'

If Horowitz had recognized the Sign of the Cuckold

flashed by his female companions,

he wouldn't be smiling.

Photographic Evidence of Why Senator Santorum

Was Admonished for Bringing a Human Hand Grenade

Too Near the Nation's Capitol

Asked if 'proactive news' used to be called 'propaganda',

the Secretary of Defense used pantomime

to convey his answer.

"I had hoped the face transplant would boost

my approval rating. But, quite frankly,

it appears I'm in my last throes."

Representative Pombo Proudly Displays

His Abramoff-Hurwitz-Wikipedia Trophy

"Just between you and me, Senator,

Bush is a whistle ass."

Strolling through the Hall of Egomania,

Vice-President 18% and President 34%

thought: "Bode Miller rocks!"

Karl Rove has confirmed what Anna Nicole Smith

revealed today in her oral argument before the Supreme Court.

"Yes, it's true," Rove said, "the secret of Ms. Smith's success

is the fact that I'm not just Bush's brain."

Justice Scalia couldn't decide which he liked better:

duck hunting with Dick Cheney in Louisiana,

or watching Anna Nicole Smith present her

stimulating 'wall-to-wall' oral argument

before the Supreme Court.

Asked what she would do if one of her daughters

were raped and became pregnant,

South Dakota Senator Julie Bartling replied:

"Like Scott McClellan, I'm not into hypotheticals."

"Pennsylvania is thataway, Hannidaters!

So send your college education bucks back east--NOW!

I promise that Rick Santorum will put your parents' money

to much better use than you ever will here at UVSC."

Anna Nicole Smith Presents Novel

'Lap Dance' Argument Before U. S. Supreme Court