Well, folks, it's like this. Jesus had planned to
return someday fairly soon, but when He saw
what His erstwhile disciples had devolved into,
He had second thoughts and said, "First of all,
stop capitalizing pronouns whose antecedent
is me! That really gets on my nerves! Second
of all, if I ever decide to return one of these days,
many of you who now so vociferously claim to be
my disciples aren't going to be happy. Instead,
you're going to weep and gnash your teeth when
I say to you, 'I cast ye into outer darkness for
being such Billy Grahams on the outside and
such feculent chamberpots on the inside!'"