"Whine louder, Sebastian, we're losing your signal!"

5G cellular mobile communications features a high data rate, reduced latency, energy saving, cost reduction, higher system capacity, massive device connectivity, and, like Trump's wall, promises to pay for itself.

Trump Sez: "I just don’t telegraph my moves.” There's 

a reason for that: in the United States, Western Union 

sent its last telegram on 27 January 2006.

"Sorry, PEOTUS Trump, but your communication link

to the Kremlin is down."

When asked what he knew about hacking that others did not, 

Trump replied, "You’ll find out on Tuesday or Wednesday."

Uh, it's Wednesday and the clock is ticking.

"No computer is safe, that's true, but no courier is safe, either.  

The only safe mode of communication is my Precision-Pierced 

Electrocephalic Data Transfer Device."

Mysterious Russian Offers Free Courier Service

to Trump Administration

Meerkat Denies The Politico's Claim That It Had 

Predicted in 2015 It Would Change Politics Forever

The only way to say 'Radical Islamic Terrorism' properly is 

with the aid of 24 of the biggest subwoofers ever made,  

turned up to 11.

Ethan Czahor, we hardly knew ye.

Ethan Czahor, Jeb Bush's CTO, Sez:  "I've developed

a novel solution for restoring honor.  It's called 'Deleting

Tweets'."

Senator Comcast's Brain Reportedly

Operates at 300 Baud

"Yes, how well I remember when I laughed out loud

 at the funeral for Betamax."

Glenn Beck Amid His Chalk-Powered JumboTrons

The latest advance in Tea Party technology will make taking

America back to the 1950s a little less traumatic.

Seedy Rahm

As President of Russia, Vladimir Putin never quite

got the hang of headphones. As Prime Minister,

he will have a second chance.

Rightist bloggers are claiming the new Brain-Machine Interface

can disseminate Republican Party talking points even faster

than the Internet.

Brand New Skullcrushers Bass-Amplified Stereo 
Headphones with Built-In Subwoofer and 1000mm 
Neodymium Magnet Speakers