If you want to believe Tucker Carlson is actually a

turnip masquerading as a rutabaga, go ahead: 

the Dems won't stop you.

Man with Personality of a Boiled Turnip Defeats Man

with Personality of a Rotten Egg for Governor of

Virginia

Is Richard Mourdock, as Tina Fey

claims, a 'gray-faced man with a 

$2 haircut'?  Or is he a turnip

from which all the blood has

 been removed?