With one of the new Talking ATMs, you can be legally

blind and still find out that the balance in your checking

account is guaranteed by the full faith and credit of Henry

Paulson, the Christian Scientist who believes that disease

can only be healed with prayer, not drugs or surgery.

You know the scariest thing about Henry Paulson? No, it's not

that he is now our king, or that he was, up until a couple of

years ago, the Chairman and CEO of Goldman Sachs, one

of those now-defunct Wall Street investment banks, or

that he's the spitting image of The Amazing Colossal Man.

No, the scariest thing about Henry Paulson is that he

is---are you ready for this?---a Christian Scientist.