Showing posts with label Joel Osteen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joel Osteen. Show all posts

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Suspicious Package Mailed to Joel Osteen Found to Contain 
Holy Hand Grenade

Saturday, September 02, 2017

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Unlike his mentor, he couldn't walk on water. But Joel 
Osteen did what he could.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Who needs FEMA and the Texas National Guard to deal 
with the Houston flood when you have Joel Osteen?

Saturday, February 04, 2017

Victoria is Joel Osteen's spouse, and this is her secret.

Monday, May 23, 2016

"What the cutting locust left,
    the swarming locust has eaten.
What the swarming locust left,
    the hopping locust has eaten,
and what the hopping locust left,
    the destroying locust has eaten."
                --- Joel 1:4

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Good News for Modern Cats

Monday, March 21, 2016

Joel Osteen's estate includes a practice field for
walking on water.

Monday, March 16, 2015

As Tertullian said, Credo quia absurdum est
(I believe because it is absurd), and as Nietzsche
added, Credo quia absurdum sum (I believe
because I am absurd).

Monday, February 16, 2015

TGIF Man

"Make Joel Osteen happier.  Buy his book."
From afar, he heard Pastor Osteen say, "Give me your
money and God will make you rich."  "This must be
what's called 'Trickle-Down Theology'," he thought.

Saturday, September 06, 2014

"As Victoria and I worship you, O Lord, we prithee,
'Don't worry, be happy!'"

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

For some reason, 'Joel Osteen' and 'Reality Show' refuse
to cohabitate in the same sentence.

Friday, October 07, 2011

Don't ask, "What would Jesus do?" Jesus is too first century,
too 'Old School', the author of Every Day a Sunday. Ask,
instead, "What would Joel Osteen do?" He's 21st century,
'New School', the author of Every Day a Friday.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

"You wanna know Victoria's secret? Well, she's just
a dumb blonde God created to fuck my brains out.
And she's pretty much succeeded I'm happy to say."
Megapreacher's Wife Pleads Guilty to Loving
People, Looking Through a Glass Darkly