Jester Enters Record Book for Having

World's Largest Halo

Arriving after the show started, the bull made a real nuisance of

itself as it clambered into its reserved seat.

Teetotaler Discovers New Ways to Enjoy Champagne

Jose Manuel Lara is so confident of his

ability to win he has imposed an unusal

handicap on himself.

Botanists have recently identified a new species

of wildflower that grows around the margins of

racetracks in England. The scientific name for

this new species is Erigeron grandiflora.

The common name is Showy Daisy Mae.

With Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest grossing

a record $132 million in the first three days of its release,

Johnny Depp is making a killing, even though he has to

split his earnings 50-50 with his identical twin brother.

Streaking has come a long way since the 1970s.

Back then, the only skills a streaker needed were

undressing and running. Nowadays, if a streaker has

any hope of being noticed at all, he must have much

more advanced skills, like tumbling and acrobatics.

There's a movie in production due to be released on

August 8. It's titled The Incredible Lightness of Being

Joe Lieberman. This a still from Scene 5, 'Ned Lamont

Rains on Joe's Parade'.

Have you ever had your car washed by an ecdysiast?

Bull Gives Spanish Reveller Free Prostate Massage

Fashionistas in Kabul were thrilled to see the

new autumn line of sassy and sexy burqas.

When the bishop yawned, he threatened to inhale

everything within a five-foot radius.

Bicycle Focals

Sometimes the cowboy rides the bull.

Sometimes the bull rides the cowboy.

Is this Lech Kacynzki, President of Poland, or his identical

twin brother, Jaroslav Kacynzki, Prime Minister of Poland?

George W. Casey, US commanding general

in Iraq, always frowns when someone starts

reciting 'Casey at the Bat'.

Steve Jobs' latest product innovation is aimed at the French

market and has been tentatively named, La Pomme Grosse de

Terreur. What it will be used for is still a closely guarded secret.

"I am a cyborg and my name is Haute Couture.

My creator is a parasite on the plutocracy, and

I exist because he is better at blowing smoke

up people's asses than he is at telling fart jokes.

And now I must move along to make room for

the next affront to animal intelligence."

Blogger Checking Up On the Competition

The melting point of gold is 1064 ° C. In the molten state, it is

pretty useless. But frozen, it's better than cold cash.

Pascal Lamy is a man of many talents.

He is Director-General of the World

Trade Organization, an accomplished

Ben Gazzara impersonator, and a master

of Here's the Church, Here's the Steeple.

The yak skull reminded the traveler that some 'Ships of the

Plateau' sink.

Pallbearers at Ken Lay's Funeral

There were moments when Secretary Supertanker was bored

to tears by the President's blather.

Holding the record for the

tallest flagpole in the world

makes North Korea very proud.

Border Collie Rounds Up Disciples of the Aflac Duck

President About to Be Run Over by Peace Train

What business does a priest have at the 5th World Meeting of Families?

And he huffed and he puffed, but he couldn't

blow the North Korean house down.

Ambassador Bolton always resented it when someone

else was in front of the microphone.

No, he's really not a rocket scientist, but he

did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Before you get all teary-eyed over this

abandoned dog, take a look at the wall

behind it. Yes, the dog does have some

artistic talent, but its owner simply

couldn't stand Naive Canine art. So he

dumped the beast.

The trend in haute couture is sartorial

minimalism, whereby the price of an

outfit goes up as the percentage of the

body covered goes down. The logical

end point of this trend will be when it

costs a fortune to walk around nude.

Maniche Ribeiro's head isn't nearly so much thick

as it is leathery. He is what William James would

have called a 'tough-minded man'.

With the introduction of the Smart ForTwo automobile,

the robot-powered rickshaw can't be far behind.

On Saturday, roulette chips will be set free in Atlantic City.

President Bush will be on hand to celebrate yet another

victory in his campaign to liberate the world.

Photographer Aboard Air Force One Accused of Treason

for Revealing Existence of Large Midwestern City

What Happens If You Don't Support the Troops

Duchess of Cornwall Wears Hat Commemorating

Last Year's London Bombings

Baghdad Seen Through the Prism of Civil War

If you really want to make an impression on the

guests at your next soirée, serve them crickets

with prickly-pear jelly on bagel crisps.

Webwatchers Watching Weatherwatcher

Watching Weather

President Terrified by Improvised Birthday Device

Scooter Girl About to Be Blessed by Lurking Pope

Kick boxing has nothing on modern tennis.

Man has been called Homo sapiens, Homo faber,

Homo symbolicus, Homo religiosus, Homo viator,

Homo interneticus, and Homo absurdus. All of these

denominations seem to miss something about man

that this picture makes plain.

64 Cent Questions

1. Is the Pope Catholic?

2. Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?

3. Does a bear shit in the woods?

4. Is Keira Knightley anorexic?

If you insist on wrapping yourself in your nation's

flag, at least do it stylishly, like this Italian.

"Charles," Jim said, "I know you're 66-years-old.

So, is that a woodpecker in your briefs, or what?"

They call it the Tour de France. But it's actually only an

excuse for grown men to play Follow the Leader.