Researchers debunk the old idea that Woody Woodpecker

had a natural shock absorber in his skull to protect his brain.

Remembering Smiley Lewis

Trumpinocchio in Tartarus

Q: "What's Charlie McCarthy doing in Vladimir Putin's lap?"

A: "Well, Putin pays better and gives this woodpecker's pinup 

boy better lines than Edgar Bergen ever did."

"Damn you, Woody Woodpecker, damn you, damn you,

damn you!"

Scientists Capture Image of Ultra-Small Putin

"The mountain is high, the valley is low
And you're confused 'bout which way to go
So I flew here to give you a hand
And lead you into the promised land."

 "Hey, Andy, did you hear what that Bloomberg editor said?"  

"No, Woody, what did he say?"

"He said, 'It's time we let Andy Panda die'."

"What a cock mother!"

"Exactly, Andy!" 

Fearguth's Rules of Order #57

If you see a FreedomWorks panda 

pandering to fans of Andy Panda 

and Woody Woodpecker, just grin

and bear it.

Pecker Pecker

One method of penetrating to the heart

of quantum mechanics is to study the

locomotion of a woodpecker as it moves

up and down a tree trunk.

Michael O'Hanlon Wins Battle with Surge Opponents,

Loses War Against Woody Woodpecker Hairdo

"Woodpeckers tighten their nictitating membranes a millisecond

prior to their beaks impacting the trunk of a tree in order to
prevent their eyes from leaving their sockets. That sounds pretty 
wise. As for me, well, I tighten mine so that I can catch a few 
z's after working the graveyard shift."

Researchers Claim to Have Seen Photograph of

Artist's Rendition of Ivory-Billed Woodpecker

Zen Koan #1

Sometimes the rubber meets the road,

sometimes it meets the woodpecker.

"Charles," Jim said, "I know you're 66-years-old.

So, is that a woodpecker in your briefs, or what?"