Do you know how many people have died as a result

of the U. S. invasion of Iraq? No one really knows,

and that just compounds the horror.

Revealing and Sexy New 'Burkini' Causes

Quite a Commotion at the Beach

The Dallas Mavericks own the best record in the NBA

because they have a secret weapon.

When journalists write about 'boots on the ground',

is this what they're referring to?

Roger L. Simon was arrested yesterday for appearing

in public without his pajamas.

In his spare time, Dick Cheney builds scale models of

aircraft carriers.

When Marat Safin is in a good mood, he looks like this.

When Marat Safin is in a bad mood, he looks like this.

George Bush hadn't done such a good job of staying

inside the lines since he finished his Happy Farm

coloring book as a small boy.

"Mr. President, put another nickel in and

you'll see the dancing girl drop her laundry."

"This, Mr. President, is the world's most powerful electron

scanning nickelodeon. Got five cents handy?"

On a day like today, the Bonobo apes have better things

to do than worry about politics.

Said the gawkers at the Adult Entertainment Expo,

"Good God Gertie, what a gash!"

God's Great Banana Skin Patiently Waiting

for the Arrogant and the Vainglorious

March of the Knobby Knees

Ghost Rider in the Sky

Abe Foxman, head of the Anti-Defamation League, is such a

bulbous anti-anti-Semite you can understand why some people

wish Abraham had stayed home in Ur of the Chaldees.

"Giddyap, wild boar! I'm one boy who wants to get out of

Afghanistan before the Chinese Year of the Pig ends."

"Did I watch all the video of Saddam's hanging? You betchum,

Red Ryder! And when I get my hands on the video of the head

of Saddam's henchman getting ripped off by the hangman's

noose, I'm gonna use that image as wallpaper on my laptop."

"Somebody showed me parts of the video of 
Saddam's hanging. Yeah. But I didn't wanna
 watch the whole thing, especially when he
dropped through the trapdoor. I have the
 guts to order the execution of people, but I 
don't have the stomach to watch'em die. 
Laura's different. She watched the whole 
darn thing."

Iraq Awaiting the 'Surge' of 20,000 More American Troops