Joey Chestnut Doing the 69

Floridian learns too late you're supposed to

smoke roaches, not eat them.

"Hey, Mike!  In the spirit of Nathan's Hot Dog

 Eating Contest, Hooter's Wing-Eating Champion-

ship, and Taco Bell's Soft Taco Challenge, why 

not have a Huckabee's Chick-fil-A® Scarf-a-Thon?"

Governor Rick Perry of Texas to Tour Beef Products, 

Inc.,  Will Join Governor Terry Branstad of Iowa in

 First Annual 'Pink Slime Eating Contest', Under the

 Aegis of the International Federation of 

Competitve Eating

Fearguth Sees 28 Great Shows in Four Days; Sure Beats Eating

62 Hot Dogs in 10 Minutes

Portrait of a Stout Gentleman, Alessandro

Jonah del Goldberg, Field Captain of

the Italian Eating Team (circa 1625)

Competitive eating contests, sponsored by

Major League Eating, had finally succeeded

in promoting Gluttony from last place to

first in the list of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Would someone please tell Michelle the hot dog

eating contest ended last Saturday?

Joey the Wingnut

"Joey, you eat chicken wings like there's no tomorrow.

Do you know something the rest of us don't?"

On Fox's new reality show, Great Moments in

Gluttony, Joey Chestnut attempted to commit

ingesticide by eating 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

Unfortunately, he failed.

Gyudon-Eating Contestant Laughs at the Danger

of Mad Cow Disease

Two members of the younger generation claim

they have discovered a new, but very messy way

to calculate the square root of pie.

How to Entertain Your Kids #1

1. Obtain a video of the winner of the

hotdog-eating contest eating hotdogs.

2. Tell your kids the video shows how

hotdogs are made.

3. Play the video in reverse.
4. Observe your kids glued to the TV,

screaming "Gross!" with delight.

Having devoured 53.75 hot dogs

to win the eating contest, Takeru

Kobayashi was now ready for a

bite of dessert.

The pathways to immortality are innumerable.

For Joey Chestnut, it was eating 50 Nathan's

Famous Hot Dogs in just 12 minutes.