When George said, "I'm going to kick Saddam's sorry 
motherfucking ass all over the Mid East," Poppy knew that 
his son was the Kwisatz Haderach, the messiah who would 
eventually turn the entire Earth into a gigantic sand dune.

Women's Department Manager Says Dummy

Couldn't Have Lost What It Never Had

Unable to work out a satisfactory trade agreement with

the Chinese, the Swedish merchant ship Gotheberg adopted

a more direct approach to getting what it wanted.

Wouldn't it be fun to learn that a Scottish

Terrier is actually calling the shots in

Washington, DC, and that George Bush is

just an overpaid pooper scooper?

Only two members of the European Parliament showed up

for the debate on the Middle East. One said he was there

so he could maintain his perfect attendance record. The

other said it was a nice quiet place to take a nap.

When Karen Hughes whispered, "I want to suck you dry!"

every lonely hair on Karl's head stood at attention.

Why is it so easy to imagine John Negroponte and

Michael Hayden saying, "Jawohl, mein Fuhrer!"?

Knowing what Marilyn Chambers did behind the

green door, the mind boggles at what Paris Hilton

has been doing behind the red door.

After taking a good look at his Papa's honker, the

baby proboscis monkey vowed to never grow up.

As Sabine Azéma learned the hard way, never underestimate

Alain Resnais when he's challenged to a roll in the hay.

Pope Benedict Lands Bit Part in New Spätzli Western

When photographic proof was adduced, showing that a giant

arachnid posed a real threat to the space shuttle,

Wayne Hale, the program director,

tried to laugh it off.

Some intrepid photographer gives us a glimpse

of the rare and elusive grease monkey.

Tony Blair has become so unpopular in England that he

always has tea for two.

Karl 'Air Hunter' Rove shows how he shot

down the very last peace dove on Earth.

When time's sorrowful, weary wheel begins its next revolution,

Vice President Cheney will return to earth without his mask and

everyone will know that Dick is short for Dickhead.

Discrimination against people who wear maroon

jerseys is so cruel.

Ann Coulter After She Whipped Anorexia

Ferraris come in any color you want,

so long as it's red.

It suddenly dawned on Prime Minister Olmert that

he forgot to turn the iron off before leaving home.

Satisfy All Your Autumn Firewood Needs at Rick's Ricks

"Crikey, it's true! The sky really is falling!"

What Strange Things Grow in the Lebanese Desert

It's positively shameful the way some modern-day

athletes are coddled.

Bertrand Delanoë, the mayor of Paris, was unusually restrained

at the dedication of Place Jean-Paul II last Sunday. You should

see him when he really gets worked up.

It is generally agreed that Kazakhstan needs

better gun control.

In Afghanistan, hospitals are built and operated by

the Department of Antiquities.

The President was feeling mighty frisky after

another three-way holiday weekend.

Pierce Bush, the President's Nephew, Snatching Some

R&R Following His Second Tour of Duty in FIJI

Although he has never shed a tear at the loss of an

American soldier, President Bush got all dewy-eyed

when he learned of the death of the 'crocodile hunter'.

Sleepy, Doc, and Dopey Plotting the Overthrow

of Snow White

"Gentlemen, behold the Fist of Fear, the Fist of Fury,

the Fist of Vengeance, the Fist of Death! Gosh, it even

scares me, until I remember it's at the end of my arm."

Not to be outdone by his predecessor, President Bush had

his 'Monica Lewinsky Moment'---but with two blondes, not

just one brunette.

Caucasian Disguised as Colin Salmon Playing

Frantz Fanon in Black Skin, White Mask

Gilberto Melo couldn't tell if the ball revolved around

him, or if he revolved around the ball.

As you might expect, Tom Tancredo's favorite

game bird is the Mexican Jay.

Pookie the Squirrel Violates Ban on Feeding Humans

Coach Laimbeer couldn't keep from

looking down his nose at the referee.

When his head began to feel like it was a block of stone,

he knew he shouldn't have smoked that last blunt.

The Lone Ranger's Wife

Bear Demonstrates Proper Way to Observe Labor Day

Oops! Too late! This NSA operative has just captured

on film another person who is soft on Bildungblog.

World's Worst Jobs #3

Indian Sewer Cleaner

Oliver Stone Has a Michael Dukakis Moment

They really need to get the skimmer fixed for this

pool, don't you think?

There Was a Crooked Man Who Had a Crooked Smile

The gallery stood speechless as Camilo Villegas

slithered up to the eighth hole.

LeBron James still hasn't fully recovered from

the ass-kicking he received from the Greeks.

"If it's not asking too much, could I have just a

little bit of privacy while I nurse my baby?"