Drudge Report Funnies #11

"'Jail Me So I Can Quit Smoking', Says Iowa Woman..."

Modeling lingerie is sheer drudgery,

but somebody has to do it.

His father famously described the Internet as "a series

of tubes." So, it's not surprising that Ben Stevens wears

a Looney Tunes tie.

Automobiles are only 'Subtotaled' in the United States.

In Iraq, they are 'Grand Totaled'.

Just Deserts #1

Kyle Sampson, former chief of staff for Alberto Gonzales,

will spend eternity sitting alone in an empty hearing room.

Byron York to Wed
Dutch Cleanser Girl

Fearguth Turns 5,000

"Gee whillikers, it seems like only yesterday when

he uploaded his first post. Now he's up to 5,000.

Do you think Jane Goodall will ever give him the

recognition he deserves?"

Jesus Takes Wrong Turn, Runs into

Dead End on the Via Desperatio

Woman Goes All the Way with New

'Total Obscurity' Burqa

"More teeth! I demand more teeth!"

The strongest reason Mitt Romney has offered to date in

support of his bid for President is that he is a Mormon.

Hanging in the 'Hood, American-Style

Hanging in the 'Hood, Iranian-Style

"Today, I am naming Attorney General Gonzales and Vice

President Cheney as co-chairs of our National Miles of

Smiles Campaign."

"Kid, you did a heckuva job rescuing those children from the

school bus. Oh, by the way, I need someone to lead our nation

to victory in Iraq. Interested?"

"Don't EVER say, 'Hi Yo Silver', when you're riding me!

For your information, greenhorn, the name's

Notorious Margie!"

Litoria Prora, AKA the 'Acne Frog', says the active ingredient

in Proactiv must be the infomercials. "Paulina Rubio, Kelly

Clarkson, and Jessica Simpson really make me jump," it says.

"Somebody get this starving protester a

Ten-Piece Bucket of Extra Crispy. And fast!"

Recently-Declassified Photograph #5

Plan B, General Petraeus' Dog

When you enter the Technicolor Dreamcoat District,

the only limit is your own imagination.

Miss August is now featured in the This Old House annual

swimsuit issue. Look for it in your supermarket checkout

line today.

World's Worst Jobs #51

Pakistani Salt Miner

Woo-Hoo Personals #2

Star Wars Vet Seeks Relationship with Guggenheim Fellow

"What do you mean when you say I'm the biggest

embarassment to women and minorities to come along

since Tawana Brawley?"

In the Augie Doggie vs. Doggie Daddy trial, no one knows

for sure how a cat ended up as foreman of the jury.

If Hillary Clinton is elected President, JPod says he will

defenestrate his iPod, eat a Six Dollar Burger at Carl's Jr.,

play Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself) on [Adult Swim], and

then Simpsonize himself.

A slide purportedly showing Iranian trucks loaded with enriched

uranium has been positively identified as the same slide used by

Colin Powell at the United Nations in February, 2003, to show

Iraqi trucks carrying tainted Chinese pet food across the

Continental Divide.

Woo-Hoo Personals #1

Pink Carnation Seeks Guy in White Sport Coat

"Lady Musgrave was none too pleased when I said her

hat looked like the north end of a horse headed south."

Kashmiri Rock Imports Jump 33% in Second Quarter

Camouflage is essential to a baby giraffe's survival in the wild.

"I can't believe those dumbass Rooskies! Have you heard

they planted their flag under the friggin' North Pole?

Don't they know it's way too cold for anything to grow

down there?"

Be careful what you wish for. All Kermit Cintron wanted

for Christmas, for example, was his two front teeth.

Adult gouramis remember when they thought their

parents only kissed.

At 90, Spartacus became a mime.

Only the giant pandas get more attention than Karl Rove

and Alberto Gonzales in the National Zoo.

When the children of Iraq hear the word, 'Bullet', they

probably don't think of Roy Rogers' German Shepherd.

Do not ask Al Gore if he is kin to The Great Gildersleeve.

Though dead, the Fox News mascot was still balanced,

if not fair.

"What exactly do you do at the White House, Mr. Jennings?"

"If I told you, Senatory Leahy, I would have to kill you."

Horn of Plenty, 17th Century

Horn of Plenty, 21st Century

Crab Pots

Pol Pots

World's Worst Jobs #50

Chinese Algae Scrubber

In a recent Salon article, Sidney Blumenthal refers to these
 guys as 'The Three Stooges'. Never before in the history of 
comedy have the names of Larry, Curly, and Moe been
 so defamed.

"Listen up, boys. Aesop got it all wrong, ya see. I've

got a scheme to take out that hare, once and for all!

Now here's the plan . . ."

Guards Outside the Ministry of Silly Walks

Courtesy of the History Channel, we see here a re-enactment

of how the Greeks (in the white uniforms) defeated the Persians

(in the red uniforms) at the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C.