Tzipi Livni had been given the unenviable task of playing

nursemaid to an increasingly simple-minded Prime Minister.

The US soldier felt privileged to be the recipient of

the last rose of Baghdad.

Purdue Pharma, maker of OxyContin, is expected to plead

guilty today on charges it was the foremost facilitator of

Rush Limbaugh.

Creationists Claim Fossil Prints Prove Co-Existence

of Humans and Michelinosaurs

Push this button on June 27, and Tony Blair will disappear.

Now, if we can just find the Bush button . . .

"You don't have to be mad to play in the NBA.

But it sure helps."

World's Worst Jobs #37

Chinese Salt Miner

"Pardon me for saying so, Mr. Vice President, but your

outfit makes you look an awful lot like The Penguin."

Senior Administration Official in Straitjacket Greeted at

Airport by Baghdad Asylum Keeper

France Elects Sarko the Giant to Be Its

First Seven-Foot Napoleon

Puss 'N Boobs

World's Worst Yobs #9

David Horowitz

"I understand your last name means 'Big Bad Brainy Wolf', Paul.

Well, Fred tells me mine means 'Little Red Riding Hood'."

It gradually became clear why

Angela and George had had another one

of their extramarital spats.

Graduates of the University of Leipzig's Renowned

Beard Management Program, Class of 2007

Joseph Sepp Blatter and Gordon Brown Discover Chris

Matthews' Original Hardball Wasn't So Hard After All

Princess Beatrice Kisses Frog,

Contracts Chytridiomycosis

Have you tried one of Annie Munoz's new

taste sensations, a worm-filled lollipop?

Green Sea Turtle Becoming Nauseous at the Sight

of Nearly-Nude Tourists

Baseball As Seen from the Fly-Ball-on-the-Wall

Point of View

Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness have gotten Northern

Ireland's new joke-sharing government off to a hilarious start.

Without her skis, Anja Paerson is like a fish out of water.

Renato didn't kid around when he drank a glass of beer.

"Holy cow! How long has it been since we've seen each other?

Two minutes? Five minutes? Whatever, it's been too long!"

"Unh, unh, unh! I didn't say 'Simon says, grab the bar'."

The Queen couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard

someone yell "Oh shut up, Big-nose!" during the singing

of The Star-Spangled Banner.

Setting the Stage for Backyard Tire Fire's Release

Party for Their New CD, Vagabonds and Hooligans

Russian soldiers say it is difficult to look stuck up and

to keep their eyes on President Putin at the same time.

Artist's Rendition of Brightest Supernova Yet Seen

Actually Portrays Destruction of Planet Krypton

"Paul, remember Kevin Kellems, your close aide? Well, he

just resigned from the World Bank. Yeah, Kevin says he's leaving

to pursue 'other opportunities', and apparently one of those

opportunities is your erstwhile shackmate, Shaha Riza, who

is going to spend the raise you got for her at State on a long

vacation with Kevin in Rio."

Pink Slip for the Daily Quirk

"Green grow the Lileks, all sparkling with dew
I'm lonely, my darling, since parting with you;
But by our next meeting I'll hope to prove true
And change the green Lileks to the Red, White and Blue."

Not to worry. Willie and Jarome are just having

another lover's quarrel.

Chinese Fisherman Catches and Releases Fossilized Sturgeon

Said to Be 200 Million Years Old

"We ostriches want to know: would it be OK if we didn't

support the 50% of American troops in Iraq who don't believe

non-combatants should be treated with dignity and respect?”

After bidding his disciples farewell, Tony Snow

began his ascent into heaven.

Far and wide he was known as 'the human firefly'.

"Hey, kid! Have you ever heard of an Improvised

Farting Device? No? Well, pull my finger!"

DNA tests have proved that Dilly Dally is the father of

Chris Cox, chief lobbyist for the NRA.

David Broder has just eaten a big steaming bowl

of his debunked opinions. As you can see, the

dish doesn't agree with him.

"Tires for sale, tires for sale! Get 'em while they're hot!"

Chuang Chuang has become a hopeless addict of panda porn.

If the fight had been decided on the basis of ripped abs,

Oscar De La Hoya would have won. Unfortunately, it

was decided on the basis of who landed the most and

best punches.

In religion, as in business, there is an inherent

tendency toward monopoly.

"I probably shouldn't tell you this, Denise, but Laura

always fills my Camelbak with Juicy Juice."

People hate the commercial for SurgeOn, but they

say the product is amazing.

When it heard the President's approval rating had fallen

to 28%, the baby lemur hugged its Snoopy doll even tighter.

Frenchman Caught Rummaging Through Uncle Sam's Trousers

"Would you look at that! What a ridiculous hat!"