National Anticrime Force Unveils Secret Weapon

to Root Out Illegal Drugs in Rio de Janeiro

Carlos and Jorge Joined Forces in a Futile Attempt

to Escape the Pull of Planet Soccer

Paris Hilton Reunited with Her Reflection

After Three-Week Hiatus

Congratulations! An anonymous donor has just given you a

wax figure of Deng Xiaoping and a Hongqi limousine. Do you

have any idea where would you like to put them?

Veepenstein #10

When the Baron needs someone to vivisect the Constitution,

he calls on David Addington, who is also credited with being

the butt of the world's first 'lawyer joke'.

"Tell me, Monsieur Governator, when you hear someone shout,

'Sarko the Giant Rules!', doesn't it remind you of the Predator?"

Great Misadventures in Science #2

Stepford Wife Becomes First Lady

Michael Sandle's 'Iraq Triptych',

AKA 'Tony and Cherie Being Expelled from

10 Downing Street for Eating the Burning Bush'

Tony Blair has scarcely left office, and he is already

becoming just one more page in the history books.

Tony Blair's last official act as Prime Minister of Great

Britain was a tiny burp, followed by "Pardon me."

Predictably, no one said, "You're pardoned."

When Tony Blair left 10 Downing Street for the last time,

observers noted how close he has come to invisibility.

"Some people have criticized me for having Adolf Hitler

on Hardball. Say what you will, he's hot and he sells books,

just like Ann Coulter.”

Every time Manuel Quiroz sees Ann Coulter's face on TV,

he punishes himself by squeezing habanero pepper juice

into his eyes.

World's Worst Yobs #13

Grover Norquist

"Oh won't you put that down and take me, I'm yours

When will we have this chance again

Oh please just put that down and take me, I'm yours."

Veepenstein #9

The Baron's cardiovascular condition requires him to

watch what he eats. Following his doctor's advice, he

is now on the Bubble-Bubble-Toil-and-Trouble Diet.

“If I’m going to say anything about John Edwards in the future,

I’ll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.

And I'm sure if it happens, I will be invited to narrate the event,

right here on Good Morning America.”

If you point and click, here are the possible outcomes:

(1) Fred Thompson will be elected President in 2008;

(2) Fred Thompson will be vaporized by an alien from

Mars Attacks!; or (3) the image will be enlarged. Are

you a gambler? Does risk make you salivate? Well,

click if you dare. Otherwise, move along, poltroon!

John McCain's Quest for the White House Sinks Deeper

and Deeper Into the Iraq War Quagmire

"I still remember the time I was sniffed in

The Situation Room by Wolf Blitzer. That's

when I started losing my hair."