Palin Goes Nucular

Economists have discovered a new cause-effect relationship

on Wall Street. Every time Sarah Palin says 'Jeremiah Wright',

the stock market drops another 100 points.

If you want to see a return of Sarah Barracuda, ask the

Governor of Alaska why she cheated on her income tax.

Owning as many glass houses as he does, you would think

John McCain would be smart enough not to throw stones.

Remember when Cindy McCain said, "What you're going

to see is a great debate. Which is what the American public

deserves. None of this negative stuff, though. You won't see

it come out of our side at all"? Seems so long ago, doesn't it?

"The gentleman on my right is my brave brother, Joe. He's

agreed to campaign for me in Northern Virginia, ya know,

'Communist Country'."

Things Older Than John McCain #16

G. Gordon Liddy

Gilt by Association Facial Treatment Very Popular

with McCain Supporters

The Best Way to Get Around at a Sarah Palin Rally

If you attend a Sarah Palin rally, expect to get muddy.

On the left of this picture is Sarah Palin in the process

of blowing off Gwen Ifill. On the right of this picture is

Gwen Ifill after she was blown off.

Famous Author of Shaggy Dog Stories Admits He's No

Match for the Governor of Alaska

As he felt the cuffs tighten around his wrists, what troubled
O. J. the most was that the Law of Karma could obviously not
be broken and that he might have to someday share a prison
cell with that shoddy imitation of the Pillsbury Doughboy,

Karl Rove.

There is also a place in Hell reserved for vice-presidential

nominees who misquote what they providentially read on

Starbucks' coffee cups. It's called 'Brewed Awakening'.

Winker

Wanker

"Heckuva job, Hanky!"

John McGraw, 'Little Napoleon'

John McCain, 'Littler Napoleon'

Here's an easy way to see the difference between

'angry' and 'mad'.

Angry McCain

Mad McCain

Senior Republican Operative Says Fresh Batch of

Anti-Obama TV Ads in the Works

Humble tree frog says it can see further only because

it is sitting on the finger of a giant.

Have you noticed how John McCain only pals

around with Senators shorter than he is?

Senator John McCain and his Republican allies are readying a

newly aggressive campaign to prove to Americans, once and

for all, that he's a mean little fucker.

World's Worst Yobs #52

Brit Hume

Sarah Palin has been sleeping with a secessionist

for years and has five kids to prove it.

Palin Around with an Errorist

If you see little Starbursts coming through your computer

screen right now, it's a perfectly normal experience and

doesn't mean you are suffering from autoerotism,

like Rich Lowry.

The recent discovery of Palinese brings the total number of

languages in the world to 4,501.

For an instant, O. J. thought he heard the voice of Howard

Cosell. But then he remembered that his co-host on Monday

Night Football had been dead since 1995, the same year he

had been cast in the starring role of the infamous 'Trial of

the Century'.

All those years of running through airports

had finally caught up with the Juice.

Justice Delayed Is Justice Denied, Except in O. J.'s Case

Unimpressed by his Charles Atlas impersonation, the jury

found O. J. guilty on twelve counts of armed robbery

and kidnapping.

Sarah Palin All Set to Reveal Her 'October Surprise'

"Hey, America! Did you notice my flag pin is three times

bigger than Senator Biden's? And, doggone it, how do you

like the way my winks are making American males sit up a

little straighter on the couch? And what about my smile?

Isn't it sparkling and mesmerizing? Can't you just see little

starbursts coming through your TV screen and ricocheting

around the room right now? Debates are so awesome,

aren't they?"

If you still had the special plastic screen and your magic

crayons, you could have relived some of your favorite

moments of Winky Dink and You during last night's

vice-presidential debate.

"No, no, Little Sarah, it's not 'You Betcha!'

It's 'You Betchum, Red Ryder!'"

Gwen Ifill: "What is your Achilles Heel, Governor Palin? What

is it for you, Senator Biden? Start with you, governor."

Sarah Palin: "'Twas brillig and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe."

Gwen Ifill: "Thank you, Governor Palin. Senator Biden?

"Here's the deal. Write a pro-McCain piece and you get two

bags of chips. Write a balanced McCain piece and you get

one. Write an anti-McCain piece and we throw you out of

the plane at 30,000 feet."

Victoria was disappointed to learn that Michelle Malkin's

reaction to the vice-presidential debate was 'Sarah Rocks!'

Nobody comes close to John McCain's impression

of a 'Low Information Voter'.

'Lardon' (rhymes with 'hard-on') is a strip of stiffened

pork inserted into a piece of tough meat to make it more

tender, easier to chew, and less difficult to swallow. That's

what the Senate leadership used to get the financial rescue

package passed 74-25.

If they ever hold a Mr. Alaska contest, Ted Stevens will be

the winner, hands down. Nobody represents that Welfare

State better than he does. Nobody.

Governor of Alaska Near the Top of Latest

Drudge Report Daily Tracking Pole

If you are planning to watch the vice presidential debate

tonight, the most important thing to remember is this:

Snoring Kills!

As it grew older, the bird would have gladly traded its

reputation as a hard-partyin' night owl for a good

night's sleep.

What's up with female conservatives

and red pumps?

Confidence Man