Fearguth will be offline from now until January 8,

so that he can give undivided attention to

the music on his Jam Cruise.

This is a Slinky. When your inner child takes over,

you know what to do.

In the final chapter of the thrill-packed serial, Commando

SNAFU, Sky Marshall of FUBAR, George Bush is unmasked

as the hero responsible for giving the wrong finger to Iraq.

According to the warbloggers, the 3,000th American soldier to

drown in the Iraq quagmire went down with a smile on his face.

What does the inscription say?

'Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown

and wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command

tell that its sculptor well those passions read'.

Sounds like Ozymandias, but no, it's Saddam

Hussein, just the latest of America's 'useful

dictators' whose usefulness ran out.

After spending ten days in Iraq, Senator Lieberman returned

to the United States to lead a parade of the Killer Klowns from

Outer Space.

Some days, there's simply more bull coming at you

than you can possibly handle.

Hockey Fan Claims to Be Victim of Attack by

Hezbollah Terrorist Recruited by North Korea,

Trained in Syria, and Funded by Iran

"When you get to Paradise, Saddam, be sure to send

me a postcard. You have my new address, don't you?"

Official Seal of Approval for Chinese Year of the Pig

"Johnny, tell your buddies they'll have to wipe those

muddy feet before they can set foot in the house."

The old woman could hardly wait for the arrival of 2007,

which she expected to be her most homeless year ever.

Trump's Latest Triumph,

the Prickly Tower

Grass-Roots Hemp Activist Making a New Year's Eve Delivery

Jonah Goldberg Proving He Can Swallow Anything

Overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds, Joe Lieberman

has been elected as the president of the moderate, unity

government in Iraq. Asked what it was like to be the first

Jew ever chosen to lead a Muslim nation, Joe raised his

fist and shouted, "Ready or not, Iran, here I come!"

"You're right! Takai Yakitori does wear elevator skates."

Candidate for Wife #4 Awaiting Free Test Drive

with Rush Limbaugh

As he left the Cabinet Room, Vice President Cheney

knew that the best years of his life were behind him.

Jan Rouven Performs 'Bush Screws America'

Squidward was really pissed when he heard

one of his cousins had been caught by the Japanese.

After Dog Blogging Went Out of Fashion

Butcher of Istanbul Sad to Hear Butcher of

Baghdad Has Been Hanged

Saints Adoring Holy Thingamajig

Israeli Air Force Cadets Receiving

Hat-Shaped Manna from Heaven

"Sorry, soldier, but your chest measurement falls

far short of what is required to become a member

of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders. So it's off to

Iraq with you!"

When pictures of President Bush are re-formatted to

fit your screen, his least essential part is sometimes

outside the frame and can't be seen.

"I know it's hard on your heart, Dick, but you really need

to pick up the tempo. Dog the Bounty Hunter is getting

closer and closer by the minute."

President Bush Dismisses Boogeyman's Claim He Holds

Copyright on Idea of Sending More Troops to Iraq

Indonesian Float-a-Potty

Rubberface, the notorious Connecticut hoodlum and

archenemy of Dick Tracy, is calling for more American troops

to be sent to Iraq because, he says, "it is strategically and

morally right for our nation. Call me a crook if you like. Just

don't call me a cut-and-run crook."

"I know what Jeff Greenfield said. But it's only when

Barack Obama wears a coat without a tie that the

President of Iran comes to mind."

Five years after 9/11, Osama bin Laden is still at large.

Is that a failure of White House policy? "Well," says

Homeland Security Adviser Frances Townsend, "I'm not

sure -- it's a success that hasn't occurred yet. I don't know

that I view that as a failure."

President Bush says his national security team is making

great progress in walking around and avoiding the brush

on his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

President Bush was pleased to see that

Senator McCain's voice was in synch

with his. "Those ventriloquism lessons

have really paid off," he thought.

This New York City dog walker isn't going to need a

pooper scooper. He's going to need a front-end loader.

As he salutes (and Barney doesn't), notice that

the President is wearing what appears to be

a very cheap analog wristwatch. Somebody

has been shopping at Wal-Mart, don't you think?

These days, not even swans can resist the

temptation to get breast implants.

Economy Travelers Alert!

If you intend to pitch your tent along the Canal

Saint Martin in Paris, don't forget to make a

reservation well in advance, because campsites

are quite limited.

At first they were cheered as the Fantastic Four:

George Bush as Mr. Fantastic, Condi Rice as the

Invisible Woman, Bob Gates as the Human Torch,

and Dick Cheney as the Thing. Now they're booed

as the Futile Four.

George Walker Bush:

not a Lincoln,

not a Ford,

not even a Crosley.

Andrea Mantegna's Recently-Discovered Masterpiece,

Saint George of the Eternal Consultations

Some say a beard is a sign of manliness. But it could

also be a sign of poverty (i. e., too poor to shave),

a sign of sloth (i. e., too lazy to shave), a sign of

incompetence (i. e., too uneducated to shave), a

sign of anal retentiveness (i. e., too possessive to

shave), a sign of maturity (i. e., too wise to shave),

or a sign of thriftiness (i. .e, too tight to shave).

So which is it, O Bearded Ones?

And the Bearded Ones replied: "We have no
better reason to grow a beard than does
Fearguth. And what might that be?"

"Let me get this straight. Are you saying if the President

completely ignores our recommendations, the Iraq Study

Group should self-immolate on the White House lawn?"

Although he still believes global warming is a hoax,

President Bush is now proposing to cover the Arctic

Ocean with styrofoam peanuts, in order to keep the

Earth's last polar bears afloat.