Warm Scuzzies #260

Robert Arnold

"I think living life tends to make you more conservative. 

And if I live long enough, I'll eventually look and sound

 just like Generalissimo Francisco Franco."

Factoid of the Hour #17

Man Eating Triple Bypass Burger at the Heart Attack

Grill in Chandler, Arizona, Placed Under Cardiac Arrest

MEGAFROTH!

Dave Mustaine Sez:  "Rick Santorum,

you're the man!"

Governor Walker Nixes Tour with President Obama

Due to an Attack of Wood Borers

"You're getting close, Mr. Brooks, but if you could go

just a tad whiter, Charles Murray would appreciate it."

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #360

Bishop Walker Nickless

"A new Rasmussen survey of likely voters shows that

43% believe a group of people randomly selected from

the phone book would do a better job than the current

Congress. The other 57% didn't respond because they

didn't know what a 'phone book' was."

Ronbo Gunning for Santorum and Romney

in Michigan

"You've explained, Ms. Trotta, why women in the military

are 'raped too much', but what about those who are

'raped too little'?  Do you have an explanation for that?"

Don't look for Dr. Melissa Clouthier on Jersey Shore.  That's

where all the young whores and sluts from CPAC hang out.

Yes, We Have a Dog in This Fight

h/t Grung_E_Gene

Mitt Romney Sez:  "Who let the dogs out?"

American Schutzstaffel #9

Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf

Achieve Rapprochement at Last

"I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam!"

"'Humane McRib'?  Grunt!  That's an oxymoron if I

ever heard one!"

On this Valentine's Day, a big shout out to Austin, Texas,

the 'Horniest City in the United States'.

"Don't let the glasses fool ya!  I'm really

a demon in disguise!"

h/t Ibeati



National Review Tells Newt Gingrich to

Shoot for the Moon and Endorse

Rick Santorum

John Boehner, GOP Speleologist 

Lori Klein, Arizona Nanny, Sez:  "I've introduced Senate

Bill 1467 because our Arizona teachers are young and

impressionable and students should not be using

four-letter words in the classroom."

Daily Caller Exposé Shows That David Brock, Founder

 of Media Matters for America, Systematically Attempts

 to Influence the Media [Egads!], Likes to Party [Gosh!],

and Dislikes Dickweeds like Tucker Carlson [L'horreur!]

"Sheriffs like me are the Ultimate Enforcers of the

Constitution, Protectors Against Government Tyranny,

Brave Oath Keepers, and America's Last Hope."

Iran Threatens America's Shores with Nuclear-Powered

Kamikaze Boats of Mass Destruction

"Men, do your duty! We need more Republicans---fast!"

"Here's an idea, Andrew:  why not call your ragefest at

CPAC 'Deep Inside Annie Sprinkle' and let the liberal

media try to sort out the meaning?"

"Sure, I smoke Kools.  But don't you dare lay any

 of that 'Willie the Penguin' shit on me!"

If you move far enough to the right, you can believe

that Fox News is a puppet of George Soros and that

Megan McArdle belongs in the kitchen.

"Bullets Over Broadway?  Why, that's my favorite

 Woody Allen movie!"

"I know I'm still too young to be talking, Mom and Pop, but

I just gotta say that as pandas go, you're more fake than

Mitt Romney."

Amy Kremer, Steve King, and Orrin Hatch had given it

their best shot.  But after an hour of intense discussion,

they still hadn't come up with a plausible hypothesis to 

account for the fact that there had only been Three 

Stooges, instead of four.

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #133

'Nice Deb' and Duane Lester

"Hi, I'm Ollie North, and at age 68 I can still almost raise

my hands above my head.  How about that!"

[Sustained Applause]

"In conclusion, Ronald Reagan once let me kiss his ass

for saving him from being impeached for the

Iran/Contra Scandal.  How about that!" 

[Standing Ovation]

Americans cannot imagine life without electricity in the

 same way the Japanese cannot imagine nuclear power

without Fukashima.

Timothy Dolan's Reaction When the Pope

Promoted Him from Sparrow to Cardinal

Human Devolution:  the Vedic Alternative to Darwin

"ARM THE BRAVE SYRIAN FREEDOM FIGHTERS!"

Little Known Fact #24

The Lineup was a police drama which aired on CBS

radio from 1950 to 1953 and from 1954 to 1960 on

CBS television.

"Yes, ma'am, the CPACalypse is already over. 

Sorry you missed it."

"Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away."

Allegories for Our Time #24

Unplanned Parenthood: the Las Vegas of Straight Marriage

Is looking like this a requirement for being a

finance minister?

"I'm STARK!"

"I'm RAVING!" 

"I'm MAD!"

Bill Murray Wondering Why Nobody

Noticed Him at CPAC

Der Popenfuhrer's American Agents Decry

 the Obama Administration's Compromise

on Birth Control

"Who's the woman on the wrong side of 40

in the chum salmon dress?"

"Beats me!"

Accusing Planned Parenthood of 'unleashing Armageddon'

and being 'a gigantic bully' is what is referred to in the

vernacular as 'flying off the Handel'.