"Paul, remember Kevin Kellems, your close aide? Well, he

just resigned from the World Bank. Yeah, Kevin says he's leaving

to pursue 'other opportunities', and apparently one of those

opportunities is your erstwhile shackmate, Shaha Riza, who

is going to spend the raise you got for her at State on a long

vacation with Kevin in Rio."

Pink Slip for the Daily Quirk

"Green grow the Lileks, all sparkling with dew
I'm lonely, my darling, since parting with you;
But by our next meeting I'll hope to prove true
And change the green Lileks to the Red, White and Blue."

Not to worry. Willie and Jarome are just having

another lover's quarrel.

Chinese Fisherman Catches and Releases Fossilized Sturgeon

Said to Be 200 Million Years Old

"We ostriches want to know: would it be OK if we didn't

support the 50% of American troops in Iraq who don't believe

non-combatants should be treated with dignity and respect?”

After bidding his disciples farewell, Tony Snow

began his ascent into heaven.

Far and wide he was known as 'the human firefly'.

"Hey, kid! Have you ever heard of an Improvised

Farting Device? No? Well, pull my finger!"

DNA tests have proved that Dilly Dally is the father of

Chris Cox, chief lobbyist for the NRA.

David Broder has just eaten a big steaming bowl

of his debunked opinions. As you can see, the

dish doesn't agree with him.

"Tires for sale, tires for sale! Get 'em while they're hot!"

Chuang Chuang has become a hopeless addict of panda porn.

If the fight had been decided on the basis of ripped abs,

Oscar De La Hoya would have won. Unfortunately, it

was decided on the basis of who landed the most and

best punches.

In religion, as in business, there is an inherent

tendency toward monopoly.

"I probably shouldn't tell you this, Denise, but Laura

always fills my Camelbak with Juicy Juice."

People hate the commercial for SurgeOn, but they

say the product is amazing.

When it heard the President's approval rating had fallen

to 28%, the baby lemur hugged its Snoopy doll even tighter.

Frenchman Caught Rummaging Through Uncle Sam's Trousers

"Would you look at that! What a ridiculous hat!"

Mexican Canine Blockade Broken by Chihuahuan Airlift

Ernie Els had always been told that the SAP logo on his cap

and shirt stood for Systeme, Anwendungen und Produkte.

But it suddenly dawned on him one day that it might stand

for something more intuitive.

Don't be surprised if you someday find your portrait
 hanging on Dustin Hoffman's wall.

Daniel Pehrson, Founder and President of the Pennsylvania

Firearm Owners Association, currently holds the record for

bagging the most Domino's Pizza delivery drivers in a single week.

World's Worst Yobs #8

Chris Matthews

Mark Halperin, late of The Note, says, "I don't mind if

people blog -- but they should apply high standards of

journalism." If they don't (or won't), he adds: "The best

solution is for serious consumers of news to write letters

to the editor." Asked what writing instrument these

consumers of news should use, he says he favors the

Conway Stewart Limited Edition Plymouth Pilgrims

Fountain Pen (street price: $1,869).

As the soldiers were burning the marijuana, the wind

suddenly shifted toward Mexico City.

That's when the motorcycle cops started acting all funny and stuff.

El Mariachi Loco Posing with Members of

Los Hermanos Mora Arriaga

Paris Hilton Heads to Jail to the Tune of

'Turn Out the Lights, the Party's Over'

George Walker Bush As a Child

Have you ever wished you could shake water off the

way a horse does? "Neigh," you say?

Anti-Immigration Protester Deported for

Apostrophe Smuggling

Apache on the Warpath

While it's true Alexandra Gurin has lost her balance and

is about to crash and burn, you have to admit she's doing

it with élan.

God was so boring He even put James Dobson and

George Bush to sleep.

As is obvious in this photo from Cretacic Park,

Evo Morales, the President of Bolivia, has violated

the rule, "Do NOT Feed the Dinosaurs."

Today was to be the big showdown between the Black Hats
and the White Hats. So it was more than a little
embarrassing when he showed up bareheaded.

"What's this 'quid' shit, Your Highness? If you want to buy

my hat, you'll have to pay in good old American wampum."

The Dingbat in the Hat

"That's right, young lady. Your gown makes you look like

a big helping of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Yum, yum!"

"To tell the truth, Jerry, I couldn't spend $400 on a haircut,

even if I wanted to."

"Hi, I'm Li Hong, and I'll be your server this evening.

Today's special is pizza. Are you ready to order?"

If you are one of those folks who enjoys living in the spotlight,

you may well find this creation from Viktor & Rolf irresistible.

Cane Toad

McCain Toad

Q: What is black and white and red all over?

A: Ann Coulter with a sunburn.

Björk Dressed As Jackson Pollock's Dropcloth

"Jeez, that moustache is such an obvious fake!"

"He ain't heavy, he's my homie."