How the President Is Handling

Political Fallout from the Dubai Ports Deal

"My latest research has revealed that I'm 90 years old.

That makes me, Bernard Lewis,

Scooter Libby's oldest supporter."

"Horse manure!

Can you imagine me in bermuda shorts?

And my name is not Koop, goddammit!"

"And immediately there fell from his eyes

as it had been scales: and he

received sight forthwith."

Two-Legged Freak

Cardinal Gonzales Chosen

to Lead NeoSpanish Inquisition

Lobbyist for the United Arab Emirates in Pain

After Surprise Attack by

Former President of the American Red Cross

Viagra Man Hired As Lobbyist for Libidus Woman

Infeasible President Summers Advances

Harvard's 'Agenda of Renewal'

By Resigning

George Will Smiling

George Will Not Smiling

"And so people don't need to worry about security.

This deal wouldn't go forward if we were concerned
about the security for the United States of America."

"My enemies call me Skeletor,

my friends call me Chertoff,

my President calls me Mikey,

and I'd say I'm doing a heckuva job."

"Hello, my name used to be Michelle Maglalang.

Even though I'm of pure Filipino descent,

I've made my mark in the world by stirring up hatred

against off-white people like me and my Mom and Dad.
The world is filled with incredible paradoxes, isn't it?"

If looks could kill,

you would be taking a dirt nap right now.

"Dick said if I didn't apologize, he was going 
to take me hunting for more quail."

A TALE OF TWO SUE MYRICKS

Then

Now

Without moving his lips, the ventriloquist thought:

"What a dummy!"

At the same time, the dummy said:

"This gringo is such a remolino del pellejo."

"Furthermore, Senator,

when fully erect, the philoprogenitator of B. Rex

is only about this long."

"Honeybunch, I hear you have been bushing with Brother Dubai."

"Yeah, but you'll always be my main squeeze, sweetypie."

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #5: His Face Is This.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #4: His Boss Is George.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #3: His Friend Is Alan.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #2: His Daughter Is Mary.

Why Is Dick Cheney 'Old Snarly'?

Reason #1: His Wife Is Lynne.

How Lady McCheney Gets Her Stuff

"People sometimes confuse me with Senator Leahy.

I can understand why this happens,

since only 1200 miles separate Kansas from Vermont."

"I stand unequivocally by my previous statement.

As I said, 'I'm nobody with brains'.

Just ask my good friend, Senator Leahy."

After doing a duet with Donnie Osmond on

'It's Not So Easy Growing Old',

Singer/Songwriter/Senator Orrin Hatch
 debuted his latest tune, 'Nobody with Brains'.

"Get serious, Bob!

You've never heard of fristing?"

"No, no, no! These are NOT fisties!

These are fristies."

"My name is Deborah Howell,

and I gave the commencement speech

at the University of Minnesota three times before

I became the ombudsman at the Washington Post.

Although I am older than I look,

color photography HAD been invented before

this picture was taken.

The Internet? The triumph of concupiscence!

Blogs? A superfluity of naughtiness!"

"No, I'm not the REAL Jim Brady.

But you're not the REAL Ann Coulter, either."

Playing Choo-Choo with His Chums,

George Gets His Cowcatcher Cleaned

For just $75 million, payable in 3 EasyPay installments,

this face can be plastered on every TV screen in Iran.

And in just 30 days, the U.S. will take a giant step

toward winning the war on terror.

Guaranteed!

So call the number on your screen now. Operators are standing by.

But wait! There's more!

George Gets Curiouser and Curiouser

Would you buy a pre-owned war from this man?

What I Wore on My First Date with Ann Coulter

As he checked his to-do list, the Terminator thought:

"Hasta la vista, Senor Morales!

Enjoy your one-way trip on Adios Airlines!"

Then his Mama said,

"Night night, Tom.

Sleep tight

and don't let the bugs bite."

Suddenly, Mary understood what James was

referring to with all his 'dickweed', 'rod parsley',

and 'johnson grass' jokes.

"Yes, Keith, 'Debbie Does Dana' was emblematic of Ms.

Howell's 'orange blaze period' as WaPo's ombudsman."

At the rear, sitting uneasily in his playpen,

Barzan Ibrahim, Hussein's half-brother, thought:

"Uh-oh, looks like Saddam has just realized that

his investment of both the Tigris AND Euphrates

in Pajamas Media was a bad idea."

"Sa-DAHM! The accent is on the SECOND syllable,

you morphadite infidel!"

Reformed Pusher Now Laments

America's Addiction and the

High Price of Dope

Heavy Metal Victim Apologizes

to Spinal Tap

If Looks Could Kill