Cure for Malignant Malkinism Found

"Hold on, buster! I agreed to a bath, not a baptism!"

Televangelist About to Be Run Down by Street

Racers From The Fast and the Furious

Dallas-Based Kwik-E-Mart Challenges

Des Moines-Based Kum & Go for
Share of Risky Business

WaPo's John Solomon Gathering Materials for His Next

Article on the Democratic Presidential Candidates

Tortoise Flattened by Bigfoot Hare

"Sarko the Giant here. Where's Jack and the

Beanstalk? You said they'd be here before I could

say, 'Fee! Fi! Foe! Fum!' Well, they're not."

On Fox's new reality show, Great Moments in

Gluttony, Joey Chestnut attempted to commit

ingesticide by eating 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

Unfortunately, he failed.

Drudge Report Funnies #9

"China's new nuclear sub spotted on Google Earth..."

A Marine equipped with the new Inferno Positioning System

says the Ninth Circle of Hell is centered in the White House,

most likely in the Oval Office.

Some activists claim if you eat a bowl of Rice Krispies

made from genetically-engineered grain,

you, not the cereal, will snap, crackle, and pop.

In the blogosphere, rightist trolls are thicker than pond scum.

Prince Charles Rescued from Sinking Monarchy

"Let's turn him in to Lost and Found, shall we?"

"What's it like, Brandan, to never have anyone

looking down his nose at you?"

"Oh, where have you been,

Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

Oh, where have you been,

Charming Billy?"

Young Christian Enters Guinness Book of World

Records for Number of Times She's Been Born Again

It makes you think twice when your grandbaby acts as if

wrinkles make you scarier than the gill man from The

Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Contrary to popular belief, George Bush reached the

Nader of his presidency in 2000. And then it went

downhill from there.

After spending only three weeks in the Bush Bubble Simulator,

Astronaut Brent Jett (1) spoke like Tony Snow, (2) ordered a

second invasion of Iraq, (3) appointed Scooter Libby to lead

the National Task Force on Mnemonic Devices, and (4)

believed Dick Cheney is the Vice President of the
United States.

Vladimir had to swallow his pride when he agreed to be

photographed alongside Arseniy and Viktor. And that

made him feel unusually gassy.

"I'll let you in on a little secret, Vladimir. Old

man Bush treats me like a dog."

When we view the flag, we think of liberty, the Declaration of

Independence, July 4th, Betsy Ross, and Posh Spice's boobs.

How They Measure Geological Time

Whatever it was that made first base so larruping good,

José couldn't quite put his finger on it.

World's Worst Yobs #16

John Podhoretz

What is it about this picture that reminds you how roaches

scatter and scurry when you turn on the kitchen light at night?
 And can't you almost hear, "Watch out, it's RAID!!!"?

“As to the future, I rule nothing in or nothing out.

I just RULE!"

Head of Bush Crime Family Commences Final

Phase of Contract on America

Pakistani Seminarian Advancing the 'Locked and Loaded'

Argument for the Existence of God

Too late, the winner of the Palio horse race realized Dr.

Hannibal Lecter had wormed his way into the crowd.

Rightist bloggers are claiming the new Brain-Machine Interface

can disseminate Republican Party talking points even faster

than the Internet.

District Attorney Arthur Branch Condemns Commutation of

Scooter Libby's Sentence; Strongly Criticizes Fred Thompson

for Praising President Bush's Decision

The Wall Street Journal's Dorothy Rabinowitz and her dog

Simon salivated profusely when the President announced his

decision to commute Scooter Libby's sentence.

Observers say John 'Cauliflower' McCain

is on the verge of hanging up his gloves.

Why the Carmax Concept Hasn't Caught On in Iraq

President Bush Commutes Libby's Sentence;

Tells Rule of Law to "Get Fucked!"

Sure, Habitat for Humanity is a great idea.

But what about Huts for Mutts?

Newborn Formula One Race Car Hits the Ground

Running with Umbilical Cord Still Attached

Sebastian Castella can never make up his mind

whether he is a bullfighter or a bulldogger.

"If I had been one of their patients, I would sure hope

they were better doctors than they were terrorists."

Palaeoanthropologists Find Million-Year-Old Human

Tooth Stuffed Under World's Oldest Down-Filled Pillow

Now that she is free from the constraints of 10 Downing

Street, Cherie Blair has revealed that Tony asked her to

sing 'De Do Do Do De Da Da Da' while she was scrubbing the loo.

"Whaddya mean you 'forgot' to pack the

flag lapel pin I gave you?"

Miss Cool Whip Light of 2007

World's Worst Yobs #15

Dinesh D'Souza

Dick Cheney and Stephen Hadley, the Sunshine Boys

Natural camouflage is an amazing thing. It increases

an animal's chances of survival and therefore its

likelihood of reproducing.

Not your everyday double play.