“I’ve been told that I’m portrayed in Game 

Change as using an exceeding amount of 

coarse language. I don’t use coarse 

language very often.  I have a larger 

vocabulary than that.  How's that for a 

non sequitur!”

“I, too, attend derivatives sales meetings where not one 

single minute is spent asking questions about how we can 

help Muppets.  It’s purely about how we can make the most 

possible money off of them.  And that's exactly how I like it!"

On second thought, Mitt decided

he hated grits.

When Rick Santorum got his way and they were outlawed,

all that was left were Teleprompter Ghosts.

Banker's Greeting

Marilyn Hagerty, 85-Year-Old North Dakota 

Woman, Hired as Restaurant Reviewer for 

The Onion; "She's a Natural," Editors Say

Despite still being able to make fisties, Dick Cheney has

cancelled a speaking engagement in Toronto on the 

grounds that Canada is simply 'too dangerous'.

Warm Scuzzies #269

Buck McKeon

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #138

Marsha Blackburn and Georgeann King

Ron Paul's 'Buccal Cavity' (shown here in the open position)

 is the first portion of his alimentary canal which receives 

food and saliva, and then ends, thirty feet of gut later, in 

the toilet, as what is called, in the vulgar tongue, 

'Libertarianism'.

"Me, racist?  What an absurd idea!

I'm just an Ironical Republican with

 a weakness for ink!"

Sam Brownback Sez:  "Of course, I'm from Kansas!  Don't

I look like it?"

At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter said, "We're running 

rather short of space up here for either Jewish martyrs 

in Iran or Muslim martyrs in Israel.  Hopefully, you

aren't a member of either cohort."

On his 65th birthday, Republican presidential frontrunner 

Mitt Romney---worth an estimated $250 million---announced 

that he would not enroll in Medicare. On the same day, 

the residents of the Marianas Trench---living 35,800 feet 

below sea level--voted unanimously to refuse government 

assistance for their volunteer fire department. 

It's Hoppier!

In olden times, to be king you had to rule by

divine right.  Nowadays, all you have to do

is be a multibillionaire, like David Koch.

"Yes, corporations are people, money is speech,

 and I, Robert Filmer, am delighted to see that

my theory of the Divine Right of Kings---thanks

to the Supreme Court---is making a comeback 

in the 21st century."

If you are a neoconservative warmonger these days, you'd

 probably want to hide your face, too.

The Unexpurgated Bible #72

And He said unto the heckler, "I mean, damn man, 

I'm Jesus Christ, could you shut up for a second?"

Neither Blown Nor Tossed by the 

Wind of Political Correctness

'How many ways is it possible to irritate people?'  

That's the important question the candidates for

 the Republican presidential nomination have been 

answering over the past year.  And you've got to 

admit they're on track to set a new world record.   

"Yes, I do have a broad forehead, but don't let that fool you!"

But, alas, Dana Loesch was forced out at

third base and never scored.

Let's get serious:  were the U. S. military to suddenly 

withdraw from Afghanistan, talk about coitus interruptus!  

What would the 100,000 'private contractors' over there then 

do for a living?  Imagine all 100,000 of these tough-looking, 

gun-toting dudes pounding the American pavement, 

looking a job with the unemployment rate at 8.2%.

Wouldn't it be safe to say that there would likely be

more gunfire somewhere?

Meet Pachydermatitis, Mascot of the 

Next Generation of Republicans

The Politico Illustrated #23

"Christie stands by 'idiot' comment"

Still Life with Wayne LaPierre

Think of it:  if religious freedom in the United States today 

were absolute, you could legally sacrifice young children

 like the Incas did in the good old days.

While it's shocking to learn that better than 50% of Mississippi 

Republicans believe Barack Obama is a Muslim, what's even 

more shocking is to realize that 100% of these low-information 

voters don't really know what a Muslim is.

Robert Cluck, the Republican Mayor of 

Arlington, Texas---population 365,438 and home

to the Texas Rangers and the Dallas Cowboys---

is in ethical hot water for referring to Latinos

in his city government as 'a bunch of Mexicans'.

Of him, Kenneth Burke might have said, "A 

dubious name is a name half ill, and 'He that 

hath an ill name is half hanged'."

For millennia, there was only one unutterable word:  

YHWH (the Tetragrammaton).  The Republicans have 

added a second:  BUSH. Both are four-letter words.

I Remember Dubya #53

"Listening to today's Republicans, you might think I 

was never President of the United States.  Cross my 

heart and hope to die, I swear I was!"

Breitbrat Doing a Reverse Alinsky

"Want Pink Slime with that?"

"It walks, it talks, it crawls on its belly

 like a reptile, a leapin', screamin', 

creepin', crawlin' mawnster!"

Have you hugged a radical today?

Oxymorons for Our Time #125

Exit Strategy

Rude Rhymes #58

Scorpion's Hell

Bob McDonnell

We burn their Korans, we murder them, we piss on

 their corpses, and then we wonder why they hate us. 

In Bill O'Reilly and certain other mammals, the dewlap 

(or wattle) is an organ of sexual dimorphism.

It's official:  Chris Christie is now wider than he is tall.

"I find it bothersome that President Obama would 

denigrate the views of a doddering old fool like me."

If, as Bill Maher is arguing, we should cut Rush Limbaugh 

some slack because he was just making a 'bad joke', Rush

 must have been telling the world's longest joke, a joke

with seventy punch lines told over a three-day period.

Greedheads Galore #23

Ken Griffin

Have you ever wondered why there are Seven 

'Liberal' Arts but not Seven 'Conservative' Arts?

The opposite of 'Liberal' is not 'Conservative'.  The opposite of 

'Liberal' is 'Servile'.  'Servile' is defined as 1. Having or 

showing an excessive willingness to serve or please others. 

2. Of or characteristic of a slave or slaves.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #370

Terry England

Flag Desecration #53

Afghanistan