John Roberts Named Chairman and CEO of

Supreme Court, Inc.

After the Supreme Court opened the floodgates

of corporate political contributions, Senators

adopted a dress code more in line with the

wishes of their owners.

"Tell us, Ms. Huff, do you now consider yourself to be

'The Woman with the Curious Hand'?

Warm Scuzzies #51

Judson Phillips

They were drawn to her like flies to horse manure.

How Cindy McCain Self-Censors What She Really

Thinks about Her Mavericky Husband

Scott Brown and the Availables Ready to Rock the Beltway

Yesterday's pessimist said the glass was half empty.

Today's pessimist says the glass is not only half

empty, but the water it contains is contaminated

with E. coli and is evaporating rapidly.

Teenage Mutant Tuber Turtle

Allegories for Our Time #14

Republican Party

Democratic Party

Russian Orthodoxy has sometimes been criticized

for being a religion a bit on the frosty side.

It stands to reason that if the temperature is -22 Fahrenheit

and you go skinny-dipping in an ice-bound river, you will

more than likely have an epiphany.

"Come clean, Rush! I know you've had
your hand in the Oxycontin Jar!"

The Unexpurgated Bible #29
Jesus Admonished by the Father to 
'Walk, Don't Run' on Water

,
Nearly _____ (Fill in the Blank with Either 'Scores', 'Dozens',
or 'Hundreds') Die in Nigerian Religious Clashes

Swear to God, can you watch Rudy Giuliani laugh
and not think of Super Poligrip?

Think of Congress as a wind farm where the
prevailing wind is blowing out of the Very Big
Corporation's ass. Now do you ¿comprende?

"I am the target of a vast and sinister Aqua Teen Hunger Force conspiracy, which has a battery behind it, and wires."

Fed Chairman Sends Unmistakable Message to

Would-Be Congressional Watchdogs

"God is love, and if you don't believe me,

I'll kick your teeth in!"

"So what if 71% of the American people don't want

me to run for President! I just want to be rich and

famous!"

A new CBS poll shows that 8% of the American people
don't know if they want Sarah Palin to run for President.
This must be the same 8% who say they don't know if

they've ever had a

prefrontal lobotomy.

Partner of Lara Croft Claims the Monogram on His

Patent-Leather Shoes Stands for 'British Petroleum',

Not 'Brad Pitt'

Some 390 Tons of U.S. Ground Beef Tainted with

E. Libertariani Bacteria Recalled

Steam-Powered Ice Fisherman Makes

Record Haul on Kazanka River

Was it a fear of teabagging or castration anxiety?
Not even Marco Rubio knew for sure.

Warm Scuzzies #50
Securities Industries and
Financial Markets Association

U.S. Military Weapons Inscribed with
Secret 'Jesus' Bible Codes

Allegories for Our Time #13
Operation Enduring Freedom

Spot the Loony!

"Easy on the gonads, bro!"

The highest-paid president in this year's public college

and university survey is Gordon Gee of Ohio State University,

whose pay is worth more than $1.5 million including salary,

retirement, deferred compensation, and a weekly allowance

for purchasing preposterous bowties.

Regardless of what happened to him on Earth, he
was always happy to see the clear blue sky.

When centuries collide, traffic jams are just one
of the consequences.

"If I weren't the Prime Minister of Israel, I would most
likely be playing clarinet in a Spike Jones and His City
Slickers tribute band."

Barbara Walters One Second Before She
Stepped on 'The X That Marks the Spot'

Balloon Man Generally Believed to Be the
Most Optimistic Resident of Kabul

Baghdad Ice Maker Reputed to Be 'One Cool Dude'

"Waaaaah! I was just born and I'm already
being subjugated to an arbitrary system
of weights and measures!"

She had already begun to suspect that her
parents were out of their fucking minds.

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #102

I Remember Dubya #35
"If you want to hear Vice President
Cheney lie in English, press 1."

"Make a wisecrack about 'the cat in the hat' and
I'll rip your throat out!"

Harold Ford Forced to Breathe Same Air as

Al Sharpton and Kirsten Gillibrand

Photographic Evidence Adduced to Prove That

Mary's Little Lamb Did Not Have 'Fleece as

White as Snow'

The topic is Haiti, and the man on the left is smirking.

Why is that?

"You must grip the AK-47, ladies, not fondle it!"

Neoconservatives, like the late Irving Kristol, fancy

themselves as being 'tough-minded', which is a polite

way of saying they have 'shoe leather for brains'.