Colonel Gaddafi reads The Green Book.

Glenn Beck reads it, too.

"Most of us grew up going to Boy Scout meetings

and, you know, our communities were filled with

Rotary Clubs, not madrassas."

"Beg pardon, Mr. Huckabee, but 'madrassa'

is simply the Arabic word for 'school'.  Are

 you saying the Arkansas community you

grew up in didn't have schools, and that's

what makes President Obama seem so

foreign to you?"

"Charlie Sheen is now making more sense than

 John Boehner," said Judson Phillips, as he

prepared to take his medication orally.

Planning a Weekend Getaway to Palm Beach, Wisconsin?

Don't forget your Down-Filled Aqua Shoes!

Proposed Texas Law Makes Hiring an 'Unauthorized Alien' a

Crime Punishable by Up to Two Years in Prison and a $10,000

Fine, Unless She Is Hired to Do Governor Perry's

Household Chores

When Mice Snort Koch

"Here, Congressman King, I think you need another flag."

World's Worst Yoobs #90

Amy Siskind

Northwestern University Professor Under Fire For Re-Make of

Sex Education Sketch from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

"The Army has charged Pfc. Bradley Manning,

the soldier suspected of leaking thousands of

documents published by WikiLeaks, with

aiding and giving intelligence to the enemy."

Who the 'enemy' is or how Bradley could

 have given 'intelligence' the Army never

had were neither specified nor explained.

"There are two types of people:  the slobs who think my tie

is cruel and the Wisconsin Republicans who don't."

"Oh, the Law of Moses was just the Top 10 Commandments?

There are many, many more. Have you ever read Leviticus?

There are so many commandments in there, people who like

commandments are still counting them."

"Oh, don't mind him.  He's just an investigative reporter for

the Washington Examiner."

The Perfect Stormtrooper

Don't Be a Koch Head!

Sheen Forces Routed; Fierce Battle Continues for

Control of CBS Media Port

"I'm David Brook, and, although I alone can see him, the

guy standing next to me is David Brook, also. That's right:

Brook, singular. But the two of us together write our column

for the New York Times under the name of David Brooks,

plural. You may have wondered why 'we' appears so often

 in our columns.  Well, now you know."

"I'm not crazy!  I'm a Republican!"

"Newt Gingrich is undoubtedly the smartest man

I've ever met. But he isn't capable of leading the

country.  What we need is somebody who's soft

and wide-eyed, stable and learned, open and

critical (but not harsh), someone to bring us

together rather than alienate us. In other

words, someone like me."

Prank Call to Governor Walker: $10,000

Koch Call to Governor Walker: Toll-Free

General David Petraeus's apology for the deaths of nine

Afghan boys mistakenly shot to pieces by NATO heli-

copter gunners has miraculously brought them back to

life.  Benny Hinn must be jealous.

Existentialism in Dairyland

Warm Scuzzies #152

Rajat Gupta

Georgia Professor Arrested for Stripping Off All

His Clothes in Front of the Class While Under

the Influence of Accounting

'Would you rather be President or a Fox News contributor?'

This is the tough question now facing Newt Gingrich and Rick

Santorum (and will soon, presumably, also face Sarah Palin

and Mike Huckabee). This is where the old proverb, 'To

manipulate a single ornithoid has the equivalent desirability

as twofold avians located within a decorative shrubbery',

becomes relevant.

"Speaker Boehner, I see that you don't like the

idea of public employees owning and using

machine guns.  Does this mean you have

altered your stance on the constitutional

right to keep and bear arms?"

Sign of the Times #12

"Hey, it's my turn to carry the new sign!"

"How charming!  David and I have sex

in the city as well."

"We see far too many businesses that paint their tails white

and run with the antelope.  Hmm, I'm not sure what that

means, but I like the sound of it."

"Mike, I understand how much you dislike 'unwanted

touching', but do you really think body armor will help?"

Book Jacket for Bristol Palin's Memoir

Young George Will About the Time He Starred in

Planes, Automobiles, But Not Collectivist Trains!

"I could beat Obama if I could just get out of this chair."

"Obama grew up in Kenya and I grew up where people say

'I misspoke' a lot."

BP says 'Thank You' to the 236 Republicans in the House of

Representatives who voted to continue taxpayer-funded

subsidies to large oil companies.

"Chris Dodd: 'No Lobbying' For Me!"

[August 30, 2010]

"Chris Dodd's New Job: Hollywood's Top Lobbyist"

[March 1, 2011]

Following the revelation that his dissertation

had been plagiarized, Muammar Gaddafi's

 son, Saif, said, "Give me a break!  That

Ph.D. from the London School of Economics

 cost me a cool $2.2 million, and I simply

didn't have enough money left over to

pay someone to ghost it for me."

"Help! Help!  Some kook from South

Carolina is trying to kill me!"

Mike Tobin, Fox News Reporter, Shows What's Left of His

Helmet After It Was 'Punched' by a Union Thug in Wisconsin 

Kurt Bardella is on The Politico's list of '50 Politicos to

Watch' for 2010.  Today, The Politico got him fired as

Congressman Darrell Issa's Deputy Communications

Director.  Although not the cause of his dismissal,

it is believed that Bardella is a Red Bull addict. 

If marriage is in such bad shape that it has to be defended by

the likes of these two guys, the days of this legal fiction

may be numbered.

Oops!  Looks like Glenn Beck finally

reached his Tipping Point.

Toucan Sam Sez:  "Froot Loops Now

 Contains 25% More Sarah Palin!"

Karl Rove:  the Banana Slug as Apparatchik

Miss Piggy Introduces New Line of

Clothing for the Full-Bodied Teabagger

In the words of Drew Heller, they were united by "the

common desire to congregate and celebrate with

music and dance."

"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of

pretending like I'm not bitchin', a total frickin' rock star

from Mars. People can't figure me out, they can't process

me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a

normal brain."

Darrell Issa Probing Own Staffer

"According to my Texas Aggie geography teacher,

Juarez is the most dangerous city in America."