The old man had been told, "Put this in your pipe

and smoke it." So he did.

U.S. Military Holds Iraqi Prisoners in

Environmentally-Sensitive 'Segregation Boxes'

"I saw the shirt just a minute ago, honey. They made

it with you in mind. It was gray as I recall."

Miami Suffers Collateral Damage from

Lieberman-Guided Straight Talk Express

Allyson Felix Demonstrating the Proper Technique

When Simon Says to Take One Giant Step

John McCain's New Blue Surge Suit

Flower Power, Tough-Love Style

"Hi-Yo Silverback!"

After the polar ice cap melted, Santa Claus became the

best-known homeless person on the streets of London.

American Empire #34

Global Force Repositioning

The funny spherical thing on top of the tire gauge is

hollow and is commonly called McCain's Occiput.

Bin Laden's Chauffeur Given 5.5-Year Sentence for

Driving Limo with Underinflated Tires

Backstage, Hillary and Laura continued their discussion of

women's issues as Cindy wrapped up her lap dances at

the Buffalo Chip.

"So that's where all the ExxonMobil profits go!"

Inside the Foofy Batcave

President McCain's Western White House

Things Older Than John McCain #4

Pope Benedict XVI

Cindy McCain Gets Her Motor Running,

Wins Buffalo Chippie Prize for 2008

"Woodpeckers tighten their nictitating membranes a millisecond

prior to their beaks impacting the trunk of a tree in order to
prevent their eyes from leaving their sockets. That sounds pretty 
wise. As for me, well, I tighten mine so that I can catch a few 
z's after working the graveyard shift."

"Yes, my parents were convinced to marry each other so

that they could produce a dominant athlete with more

sponsorship deals per linear foot than anyone before

in the history of sport."

Iraqis are not noted for their modern window solutions.

"But it'll only take a minute, Congressman. Professor Yoo and

I always drip with contempt this time of the morning."

He had never heard the adage, "When you're in a hole, stop digging."

In an attempt to soften his image, Serbian war criminal

Mladic changed his first name from Ratko to Mouseko.

US Airways will likely begin selling pillows and blankets to

its customers by the end of the year, following closely behind

discount carrier JetBlue Airways Corp., which said Monday it

will start charging fliers $700 to board an airplane with wings.

"Can't say for certain, Jethro, but I'd say that

durn pachyderm's been poached."

Pharaoh was skeptical of the report that Moses was running

for President of the United States. Crossing the Red Sea on

foot was one thing, but defeating Hillary in the primaries

was a bit too much for him to swallow.

Kathy Hilton is calling the anti-Obama ad, featuring her daughter,

a waste of the $4,600 she and her husband donated to the McCain

campaign. "Our money would have been much better spent on

Tinkerbell, Paris' pet Chihuahua," she adds.

Beach Bums Watching Barack Obama Eclipse John McCain

Senator Bones was something of a celebrity,

but he had never acted presumptuous.

The Little Boy Who Cried "Sheep!"

If Obama is Moses,

McCain is Pharaoh Ramses II.

One Sign Fits All Banner Carried by Generic Political Protester

Spike TV Fan Reveals the Secret of His Success

American Empire #33

Military Strength and Moral Clarity

Johnny Cash, the Man in Black

Johnny Rich, the Man in White

"Well we're all just raisin' McCain
Everywhere across the USA
You can get on the train or get out of the way
We're all just raisin' McCain."

Move over Johnny Cash! Johnny Rich is in the House!

We can hardly wait to hear 'Oak Creek Canyon Blues'!

"So when I put my hand on the Bible, I will swear to not only

uphold the laws of our land, I will swear to uphold the honor

and dignity of the office to which I have been elected, so help

me God." When George Bush uttered these words at the

Republican National Convention in 2000, most Americans

didn't know it was honorable and dignified for a President

of the United States to dance a jig while standing in a chair.

Most Americans still don't.

If the mainstream media were canines, they would be

Basenjis, the public watchdogs that never bark.

Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs just didn't sound

right. So Angry's role in the picture was eliminated,

the picture became a classic, and the eighth dwarf

became a terrorist.

Most Popular T-Shirt at the McCain 'Country First' Show

Wankee

The cowboy boots John McCain wore to the country music

concert he attended at the Panama City Marina.

Country Music Star John Rich Raising McCain

and Kicking a Little Celebrity Butt

Things Older Than John McCain #3

Dirt

Researchers Conclude President Bush and Dalai Lama Distanced

by Just 6.6 Degrees of Separation; Buddhists in Shock