Representative Cliff Stearns (R-FL) Questions the 

Authenticity of President Obama's Birth Certificate,

Dismisses Questions about the Authenticity of His

Own Hair as 'Totally Unfounded' and 'Slanderous'

Senator on Government Payroll Doesn’t Want Secret 

Service Protection Because He Doesn’t Want to 

Rely on Government Handouts

"Anti-Obama Bumper Sticker Not Racist," Says 

Contestant on Denying the Obvious Game Show

Woman Asks Governor Perry for Advice on

 'Mid-Cycle Cramping'

"Check Out Cycling Tips," He Advises Her

Santorum Rips Big Money 'Machine'

in Illinois Defeat

If you are willing to shoot someone dead in self-defense, 

by all means, buy a handgun.

John Carter Drops $200 Million Bunker Buster on Disney

The Unexpurgated Bible #73

"And I say also unto thee, that thou art 'Petrus', 

and upon this rock I will build my GOP; and the 

Obamacrats shall not prevail against it."

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #374

Allen Hulton

"Sorry, sir, but they insist that you drop trou."

Time Tourist #2

Internet Porn Censor at Work in 

the Santorum Administration

When you see headlines, like '5 Things to

 Watch in Illinois' or 'SXSW 2012: 8 Crucial 

Takeaways', don't you get the feeling that 

you're being treated like a juvenile being 

fed by a regurgitating adult?

"Dear, he says he's come for your liver."

National Review's Dan Foster Joins New Band

World's Worst Yobs #245

Kenneth Klukowski

Robert Bales was drunk, under financial stress, had been 

passed over for a promotion, had a traumatic brain injury,

 had marital problems, was suffering from the stresses of 

four tours of duty, and had seen his buddy’s leg blown 

off. Clearly, when he killed those 16 Afghans, it was a 

case of justifiable homicide.

Pope Benedict Commissions Custom-Blended Perfume

"The hat?  Oh, I got it from Zazzle---50% off and free shipping!"

"Have you started writing your autobiography yet?"

"Yes."

"Are you writing it yourself?"

"No, I've hired a ghostwriter."

Warm Scuzzies #273

Sanford, Florida, Police Department

Sheriff Joe Sez:  "The Media Conspiracy against Birthers is 

bigger than the Media Conspiracy against Richard Nixon."

Rick Santorum's Covert 

Reproduction Strategy  

Take contraceptives away from women and porn from

 men, and the Caucasian birth rate will skyrocket.

Metaphor Mixology #3

Shoe of Liberalism Fits Santorum Like a Glove

Warm Scuzzies #272

Michael Kobulnicky

Has Andrew Breitbart left the building?

The Pentagon's Afghanistan War Strategy After

Staff Sgt. Robert Bales Got Through with It

If, as Rick Santorum claims, pornography is "very damaging, 

particularly to young people," who will screen and censor it?

  Wouldn't a screener/censor be at significant risk of being 

damaged, much like Scotland Yard's inspector who 

courageously sacrificed his life trying to remove the 

'Killer Joke'? 

Santorum Renews Promise to Root Out 'Obscene' Pornography,

 Says He as President, Along with His Attorney General,

 Would Decide What's Obscene and What Isn't at Weekly 

Stag Shows in the Oval Office

Two Gouramis Thrown Out of Santorum Rally for Kissing

Breitbart Is in the House!

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #373

Gayle Ruzicka

Don't forget to say, "Love You, NSA Spy!" every time

you send an email or make a phone call.

What Happens If You Become a 'Porn Consumer'

“This will be the new Medicare,” said the sociopath

 and junior Republican Senator from Kentucky, 

Rand Paul.

"Yes, Mr. President, as someone once said, 'The world is 

wide in time and tide and my ass is wide.  So, do not hurry'."

"Tête-à-tête I'm familiar with, but beak-to-beak sounds gay,

perhaps even a tad French."

A Sliver of Hillary

A Tube of Newt

Seriously, how much more politics can we stand?

Remember him?  Well, he apparently decided to give

 Mohandas Gandhi a second look.

"But, Rick, we were the best of friends during the sixteen years 

you were in the House of Representatives and the Senate. 

What has come between us?"

"Although I know it makes my wife and daughters sad for 

me to say this, I'll say it anyway:  even though I believe in 

Intelligent Design, I would still like to know why a man 

only has five fingers on each hand."

Citizen of Waterworld Shocked to Discover Anti-Porn

Crusader Going Topless on Puerto Rican Beach

"What's it going to be like, Professor Sowell, when, after 

you die, you discover that Heaven consists of Allen West, 

Alan Keyes, and yourself performing in The Everlasting 

Minstrel Show, attended only by old white people, like 

Pat Buchanan and Newt Gingrich?"

"Yes, as a Creation Scientist and despite what the pale-

ontologists say, I firmly believe that thesauruses, like 

Thesaurus Rex, existed in the time of Adam and Eve."

Pornography (from Greek πορνείᾳ = 'prostitute' + γραϕος = 

'writing'), n.  1.  Anything---books, magazines, photographs,

 records, movies, videos, phone conversations---created for 

the purpose of giving Rick Santorum a stiffy while he is 

unleashing the Hounds of Meese.

"Do you have your Copulator License yet?"

"No.  Do I need one?"

"You're going to if you live in Arizona."

Senator DeMint Sez:  “I think if Americans 

actually find out the truth about our plan to

 abolish Medicare in two years, it will be a

 very big positive for Republicans in the fall.”

Captain Ahab Sez:  "The White Elephant tasks me; 

he heaps me. Yet he is but a mask. 'Tis the thing 

behind the mask I chiefly hate; the malignant thing 

that plagues mankind; the thing that maws and 

mutilates our race, not killing us outright but 

letting us live on, with half a heart and half a lung."