The Top 10 Things You Never

Want to Do Even If You Live

to Be 100

1. Try to Comb Rick Perry's Hair

2. Diagram One of Sarah Palin's Sentences

3. Move to Montana, the Tea Party State

4. Sit on the Three-Legged Conservative Stool

5. Become the Sole Manufacturer of a Lethal

Injection Drug

6. Get Close Enough to Actually Touch Rush

Hudson Limbaugh III

7. Think about Teabagging a Teabagger

8. Ask "Could Nuclear War Reverse Global Warming?"

9. Try to Say "Pfaugh!"

10. Be a Bay of Pigs Invasion Re-Enactor