Thursday, December 31, 2015

Michele Fiore Wins Golden Duke Award
(Double Bandolier Edition) for 
'Meritorious Achievement in the
"What brother-in-law?"
"Orlando Cecilia."
"Orlando who?"
Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin Has "Very Extensive and 
Substantive Conversation" with Reality, Admits It's Not
Half as Bad as He Thought It Was
Back in the Day When Jonathan Stickland Thought
AR-15 Lapel Pins Were Cool and Rape Jokes Were

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Is it just an illusion, or has Fat Albert lost a lot of weight?
Local Man in Danger of Being Wrinkled to Death Before
Receiving the Nobel Peace Prize
Life is filled with so many mysteries, such as, why so many
black-clad ISIS leaders wear white sneakers in the desert.
"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night shall 
stay me from leaping Trump Tower with a single bound."
"OK, so they named Crocs after you, let's see some tears!"
Although they took up a lot more room,
telephone answering machines in the
early 1960s were much more interesting.
The results are in, and Ted Cruz has won the 'Ugliest
Christmas Sweater of the Year' contest for 2015.
Ham Bones Don't Kill People; People Kill People
Look Who Got a Binky for Christmas
Meerkat Denies The Politico's Claim That It Had 
Predicted in 2015 It Would Change Politics Forever
Rick Scott to Lead National Crusade Against
the 5 Foods That Cause Grey Hair
Raging Wool
Vladimir Putin, Czar of All the 
Man Buns
Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #17
Imagine finding a tongue-eating louse in a can of tuna. 
That would be Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Tim McGinty.
Trump Deploys Katrina Pierson to Attract the Undead Vote
Angered by criticism of her bullet necklace, Trump
spokesperson Katrina Pierson made good on her
threat to wear her dead fetus necklace.
Trump Spox Katrina Pierson to Assume the Role of 
Boss Beast in New Campaign Edition of
Resident Evil
Donald Trump Announces Plan to Spend $2 Million
 a Week on Turd Polish

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

What Happened to the Drone That Got Too Close to the 
Obama Motorcade
"But I love torture, don't you understand?  
It's the force that gives me meaning!"
On what day did God create cold and hunger? In my Bible, the 
Garden of Eden wasn't cold and Adam and Eve didn't work.
Authorities south of the border say they 
first noticed Ethan Couch because he 
was too ignernt-looking to be a Mexican.
Trump Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts,
Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, and Blasts!
Trump Microtargets His Bid for the
Nom Nom Vote
Kim Jong-un had to be cagey about his socialist tendencies.
In case you're wondering what makes Mark Dankof's
face look so greasy, it's Iranian oil.
Fearguth's Rules of Order #62
Never try to hustle a chimp that drinks Jack Black. 
It's a waste of time.
Latest Fox News 'Fuck You' Poll Shows Trump Still
Way Out in Front
When Trump trashes Joe McQuaid, it's hard to know
who to root for.
Watch your friends turn green with envy when you open 
carry this Ted Cruz Engraved Shotgun around the 
Capital of Texas beginning January 1!
Affluenza's a Bitch!
Sean Davis, Federalist Hot-Air Balloonist

Monday, December 28, 2015

Oxymorons for Our Time #178
Daily Caller Education Editor
World's Worst Yoobs #160
Vanessa Rasanen
Why the Rich Won't Be Allowed in Heaven
We Had to Destroy Ramadi In Order to Save It
Man Dies in Failed Condom Machine Theft, Forgets Rubbers 
Sold in Johns Are Intended for Entertainment Purposes Only
Trump Blasts Hatchethead's Endorsement of
The Water Boy
World's Worst Yobs #346
Joel Kotkin
The GOP's Crazy Uncle Fester Problem
The Evolution of Uncle Fester


To support Trump for the presidency isn't to lower the bar; 
it's to eliminate the bar and then to forget there ever was one.

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