Saturday, November 10, 2007

"Did you know that more than 1,000 professional studies
in the past 30 years all connect TV programming with
excessively violent and promiscuous sexual behavior
in young people? Why, the situation today is almost as bad
as it was when I was fornicating with Ann-Margret in
State Fair back in 1962. Surely you don't want to see a
return of the 1960s, do you? So please fill out Pat Boone's TV
The Drudge Report is asking, "A Whites-Only Bathroom
in Georgia?" This follows close on the heels of a question from
the Sludge Report, "A Midas-Only Bathroom in Hong Kong?"
Senator Russ Feingold Caught Between a Shteyn 
and a Shver Platz
Polymorphous perversity has finally killed Norman Mailer.
But good godamighty, at least it took 84 years to do it.
2007, the Bloodiest Year So Far in Iraq
2007, the Bloodiest Year So Far in Afghanistan
2007, the Year the Price of Oil Hit an All-Time High
2007, the Year the Price of Blood Hit an All-Time Low
"I don't care how vertically-integrated you are, dorkwad!
You're still vertically-challenged!"
If ever two people were made for each other,
it would be David Horowitz and Pam Geller.
Imagine Islamo-Fascism Awareness Forever.
Carnivore Humor


You lose all sense of time when you get lost
in the Tunnel of Books.

According to the New York Times, Bernie Kerik learned
as a young man how to carry himself with a “quiet,
dignified confidence.” Another name for it is 'perp walk'.
McCain's Mom Rips into Romney, Finds Nothing Inside

"But George, have you forgotten that homeliness
is next to cleanliness and cleanliness is next
to Godliness?"

Friday, November 09, 2007

Got money left over from your latest contribution to the
Rudy Giuliani presidential campaign? Well, here's a worthy
cause that can really use your spare change right now:
the Bernard Kerik Legal Defense Trust.
President Sarkozy and President Boutefilka Meet to
Discuss Algeria's Balance of Noses Deficit with France
The Politico Illustrated #3
"Giuliani camp swings back after Kerik jabs"
Russ Knocke, the Department of Homeland Security press
secretary who investigated the fake FEMA press conference,
has concluded that FEMA officials did not intend to
deceive the public. "We were just reliving our childhood
days when we listened to Let's Pretend on the radio," he said.
Surprisingly, Kim Du Toit, 'an erudite conservative intellectual
gun owner who sometimes gets pissed off', took his fifth-place
finish in the Golden Wingnut Award competition lying down.
He brushed it off as further proof of 'The Pussification of the
"BlogWorld Expo Throws World's Largest Pajama Party
at The Joint in the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas"
"How interesting! From this point of view,
George Bush's world makes perfect sense."
Karl Rove said yesterday liberal blogs, like DailyKos, use
more bad words than conservative blogs, like Townhall.
That's because liberal blogs quote Karl Rove saying things--
such as “We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him.
We will ruin him. Like no one has ever fucked him!”--that
conservative blogs don't.
Survey Finds Many Turks Looking for Greener Pastures,
But Not Finding Any
Sam Brownback Announces His Endorsement of John
McCain; Not Even Crickets Show Up to Chirp
Rudy Awakening

Senator David Vitter Recognized for Owning the Largest
Used Condom Collection in Louisiana

Thursday, November 08, 2007

SSSSHHHHHHH ... Don't Tell Anyone: Al Qaeda Has
Been Routed in Baghdad; FBI Now Warns Al Qaeda May
Have Relocated to Shopping Malls in LA, Chicago, Just
in Time for Christmas
When rightists, Reaganites, and Republicans go to Heaven,
they will undoubtedly be surprised when Jimmy Carter
greets them and welcomes them into his Habitat for the
Hereafter, where everyone will watch Jimmy Carter: Man
From Plains to all eternity.
Hard to believe, but it's true. Jimi Hendrix is
spending eternity in Electric Ladyland.
The Malay boy could tell you were staring at him.
Jackie Bibby Soaks in Bathtub for 45 Minutes with
87 Rattlesnakes; Says "Only a Fool Would Pull
the Same Stunt with a Tub Full of Republicans"
Giant Jack Mounted Atop St. John's Church in Baghdad;
Gigantic Red Rubber Ball to Be Installed Next
Are you looking for a President who will protect you from
terrorists, or a President who will take action to help
prevent polar bears from becoming extinct in the Arctic?
It's time to make up your mind.
"Toy delivers 'date-rape' drug when ingested"
At the urging of President Bush, Pervez Musharraf
took off his uniform. It was not a pretty sight.

The Politico Illustrated #2
"Dems salivate after wins on GOP turf"
Ted Klaudt, former Republican state representative from
South Dakota, has been found guilty on four counts of
second-degree rape. When he is sentenced in January, he
could get up to 25 years in prison for each count. In
anticipation of his sentencing, the state's Department
of Corrections is trying to figure out how to accommodate
a man who is accustomed to living large.
A cow plunged from a 200-foot castle wall onto the hood of a
minivan in central Washington state, according to police.
"Dear Mushie,
Hope you're enjoying the $10 billion in cash I sent.
Your Buddy,

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

"The many charms about you
Above all I want my arms about you
Come to me
My sweet embraceable you."
The Politico Illustrated #1
President Nicolas Sarkozy of France was greeted with
cheers and standing ovations today, a sign that France
was forgiven for being wise in opposing the American-led
war in Iraq.
In exchange for his endorsement, Pat Robertson has been
promised an appointment to a new cabinet-level position,
Grand Inquisitor, in the Giuliani Administration.
Sarko the Giant Replaces Tony Blair
As Bush Toady Par Excellence
"Yes, Mr. President, among my many qualifications to be
head of the Department of Homeland Security is my ability
to foresee the future. For example, if you look really hard, you
can see that I'll be indicted by a federal grand jury on bribery
and tax evasion charges on Friday, November 8, 2007."
"Mr. President, what's it like to be even more unpopular
than Richard Nixon?"
Robertson the Prophet Anointing Rudy the Ruddy with
WD-40 from the Horn of the Thin-Soled Kow Kow
Pie Chart Showing 50% of the American People Strongly
Disapproving of George Bush's Performance As President

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Shortly after this photograph was taken, Jose Manuel Barroso,
European Commission President, uttered an ancient Spanish
curse and then burst into a million shards.

In a surprise move, the Creator of Heaven and Earth
today awarded the Golden Wingnut Award to all
descendants of Adam and Eve. "OK, so I fucked up
when I made man and woman in my own image,"
the Creator said. "That's what happens when you
start believing you're God."