Saturday, February 28, 2015

Rand Paul Adds Another Straw Pole to His Collection
"Has anybody seen my marbles?"
"Our government in Washington has been infiltrated by 
Muslims and my brain is full of fuck!"
"No fapping, boys, no fapping!"
"ISIS is like a virus that takes out your whole computer. 
If you don't weed it out you're just gonna be back at 
it again more and more.  So America needs to send
John McAfee to the Middle East now!"
Some People Never Learn
Someone please start a Go Funk Me campaign so Richard 
Mack can buy this Zigaboo Modeliste album.
Le fils de le buisson (after Magritte)
For those who take a more Freudian view of life,
there's the Plush Stool Bank.
Rail Splitter Explaining Why Hoover and Harding
Weren't Invited to the Party of Lincoln
Jumbo Jet Taxis on the CPAC Runway
You could always tell when she was voting against
someone in the CPAC Straw Poll.
"Yeah, you have to admit I'm pretty darn clever.  I've
 figured out a way to fart on the flag while, at the same 
time, people here at CPAC are thinking I'm 
Flag Desecration #84

Friday, February 27, 2015

Funeral Home Fans Very Popular at CPAC 2015
Joe McCarthy didn't live to see that the 
center of the web of government subversion
 would be the Republican-controlled House 
of Representatives.  Lucky guy!
William Temple, the Most Illustrious Transtemporal
Cross-Dresser of the 21st Century, Leads CPAC
Attendees in Walking Out of Jeb Bush Speech
Good News for the Deparment of Homeland Security!  
Payday Loans Now Available from EZ House of 
"If my head weren't so large, I'd give John Boehner
 a run for his money as Speaker of the House!"
The bad news is that conservatives and liberals only agree
on one thing.  The good news is the one thing they agree 
on is Jeb Bush should not be President.
"As this ham sandwich clearly shows, world hunger is
a hoax!"
"What's that?"
"Somebody just dropped John Bolton on Chicago."

Meanwhile, across the street from CPAC . . .
When a Facepalm Simply Isn't Enough
Bill O'Reilly Throws Down the Gauntlet, Challenges
Media Peers to 24-Hour, No-Holds-Barred Lie-Off
 “If I can take on 100,000 protesters. I can do the same to
 ISIS! Oops!  Did I just say that?  King's X!
[When he speaks at CPAC, Walker needs two teleprompters:  
one for the text and one for the subtext.]
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
"How does Feet Loaf sound?"
"Yummy!  And for dessert?"

"Ladies' Fingers."

Thursday, February 26, 2015

The Unexpurgated Bible #113
"Lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and Ted saw the 
Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him."
Technically speaking, Carly Fiorina is not a witch.  But she 
looks like she's made out of wood and would probably float. 
Senator Inhofe Tests His Hypothesis That a
Snowball Has a Better Chance in the Senate
Than in Hell
Jihadi John's John
Sign of the Times #63
Senator Inhofe commits the Argumentum Ad Viburnum
Fallacy on the floor of the U. S. Senate.
It made Jesus sad when he couldn't afford the
 $1,700 needed to buy a premium, all-inclusive
 pass to CPAC.
Dalai Llama Credited with Ending Arizona 'Llamas on
 the Llam' Crisis
Speaker Boehner's Kissing Gourami Impression Makes
Room Full of Reporters Break Out in Nervous Laughter
FCC Turns Internet Into a Public Utility, 
Reactions Mixed on Cat Street
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #66
Scott Walker
"Please, please send me to Area 51, not District 9!"
Whiteworld #25
Where's Blackie?, a New Children's Game
"Remember the Putzenjammer Kids, Holy Father?  Well,
that was me and my brother."
At CPAC, Dr. Ben Carson told his audience that
conservatives should put the Constitution on the 
top shelf, along with the Glenfiddich, Abuelo, and
Seen at CPAC: a
Fashionable Alternative
to the Tinfoil Hat
"Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome Mr.
Bill O'Liely!"
With a newborn at her breast, the orangutan had no reason 
to think about Sarah Palin selling Bibi t-shirts.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Breaking News Mashups #9
'At Least 108 Dead in Bickering over 'Clean' Homeland 
Security Bill'
This Is Your  Life: Spending the second half of it unlearning 
the bullshit you learned in the first half.
The Four Rs: Ronald Reagan Ranting Robustly
"Hey, couch potatoes!  Just wanted you to know I'm a
dust mite and I live in furniture."