Saturday, May 18, 2013

World's Worst Yoobs #133
Emily Esfahani Smith

Friday, May 17, 2013

"'High fructose corn syrup'?  Oh,  I've heard
of that!"
"According to the New York Stock Exchange
at 3:01 p.m., you are now worth $2,422.35,
down from $2,423.10 yesterday."
It's possible tomorrow will never come.
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six 
crazy conspiracy theories before breakfast."
Warm Scuzzies #396
ABC News
"All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!"
"I'm strong to the finich 
Cause I eats me spinach."
Did he want a single-dip or double-dip Hot Beef
Sundae for lunch?  He couldn't make up his mind.
World's Worst Yobs #286
Kevin Williamson
Abu Sakkar Sez:  "I don't bother to win the hearts
 and minds of my Syrian enemies.  I just eat them."
[Uncooked, no less!]
Who Moved Rob Ford's Crack Pipe?

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Winners of the International Kamasutra Competition
Held This Year in New York City
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #498
Steve Roberts
"The attorney general will not cast aspersions 
on my asparagus!"
Oscar Pissedoffius
David Beckham Retiring
(But Still Not Shy)
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #25
Jay Nordlinger
What House Republicans Will Be Wearing
 on '37th Obamacare Repeal Vote Day'
"Somebody up there doesn't like me."
It has to be admitted that National Review's Charles
Cooke is a paranoid jibber-jabber, but it also has
to be admitted that he expresses his irrationality
with such a charming British accent.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Warm Scuzzies #395
Richard Sheridan
Mayoral Candidate Gets Only 56 Votes,
But One Was From Jesus

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

"Look, we're never going to solve the world's problems so 
long as we sit around calling each other, 'Big Nose'."
As it turned out, Bigfoot was more than a legend.
"Compared to this sunflower, I'm big.  But
compared to the Sun, I'm little.  So, am I
'Big Bird' or 'Little Bird'?  
Autographed Copy of Holy Bible to Be Auctioned
at Christie's
The Only Beer Bill and Hillary Ever Drink
Alex Jones doesn't weep often, but when he does, it is
because all of his conspiracy theories get mixed up in his
head and he can't tell the difference between all the
plotters jerking his chain:  Barack Obama, Hillary 
Clinton, the IRS, the DOJ, the UN, the Anti-Christ. 
and Satan.
For some unknown reason, the Glass Frog's favorite
color is red.
A Good Reason to Avoid the Gate of Hell
Friedrich Von Hayek Sez:  "When I was a child, I 
dreamed of becoming Elmer Fudd's understudy in
those wonderful Bugs Bunny cartoons.  But that
didn't work out, so I wrote The Road to Serfdom
Little Known Fact #36
Contrary to popular belief, Spanish Fly is not produced
when Spanish flies copulate.  Uh-uh:  just more Spanish
If Jodie Marsh ever has a double mastectomy, 
it won't just be radical.  It won't just be 
beyond radical.  It will be back of beyond
Even a blind fig finds a Newton once in a while.
"Since so many Americans believe Benghazi is a city
in Cuba, Darrell, maybe it's time we played the anti-
Castro card."
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #497
Cardinal Sean O'Malley
Drinking PBR doesn't necessarily mean you're a 
'hipster'.  It may mean that you can only afford
to buy cheap beer.
Darrell Issa Explaining the Difference Between
'An Act of Terror' and 'A Terrorist Attack'
[It's like the difference between an 
'Asshole' and an 'Issahole'.]

Monday, May 13, 2013

Previously Unknown Tillie Olsen Story,
'I Stand Here, Ironing Man!', Published
As it turns out, the IRS was targeting pretty much 
EVERYBODY.  So, move over, Teabaggers!  We're
 all victims now!
Source of Benghazi Drumbeat Revealed
How lucky we are to have a whole year to grow 
accustomed to the idea of Barbara Walter's 
retirement from television journalism.
19 Injured in New Orleans Motherfucker's Day 
Parade Shooting When Somebody Laid a Finger 
on Somebody Else's Butterfinger
Libertarians dream of the day when government is so 
small it can be drowned in a bathtub. Marxist-Leninists
 dream of the day when government completely withers 
away.  Radicals and utopians they both are, brothers
 and sisters under the skin.
Oxymorons for Our Time #154
Political Redemption

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Noun + Verb + '9/11'

Noun + Verb + 'Benghazi'
Senator Paul Keeps Eyes Peeled for
'Anti-American Globalists'
The Racial Hierarchy of Intelligence:  1) Jews, 2) East
 Asians, 3) Non-Jewish Whites, 4) Hispanics, 5) Blacks, 
6) Heritage Foundation, 7) Jim DeMint