Saturday, December 21, 2013

The Potrzebie Prize #21
Justine Sacco Eulogized for Insulting an Entire
Continent with a Single Tweet
Pajama Boy

Pajamas Media Boy
Zelig had nothing on Phil Robertson.  The Duck
Dynasty star could become Martin Luther King, Jr.,

Pope Francis, 

or Rosa Parks, all in the wag of a duck's tail.

Friday, December 20, 2013

"Gays are full of murder, envy, strife, 
hatred. They are insolent, arrogant, 
God haters, they are heartless, they 
are faithless, they are senseless, they 
are ruthless, they invent ways of 
doing evil."  Thus spake Pope Francis 
of the Bayous.
What Happened When the Word Got Out The Elf on the
Shelf Worked for the NSA
Former Major General Michael J. Carey
 Receives Air Force 'Drunken Boor' 
Conduct Medal
The Do Nothing Congress of 1948

The Doo-Doo Nothing Congress of 2013

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Absolut Gay Vodka Identified as 
Efficient Cause of Outbreak of 
Homosexuality in Louisiana
Disciples of AcroYoga Believe Nirvana Launch at Hand
The Day Alan Keyes Disproved He 
Had Hairy Palms
Altering your consciousness by means of psychoactive
 chemicals is generally frowned upon, but if you insist on 
doing so, make sure you suffer enough pain afterwards
 to offset any pleasure you might experience beforewards.
This is not the Tony Perkins who played Norman Bates in 
Psycho.  This is the real-life Tony Perkins on which the 
Norman Bates character in Psycho was based.
Representative Jack Kingston (R-GA) does not believe in
'free lunches' for school children, but he does believe in
(1) free flights to and from his home state and D.C., (2) free
airport parking, (3) free on-site gym access, (4) free health-
insurance subsidies, (5) free death benefits, and (6) free
239 paid days off.  He also believes that poor school children
should sweep floors in exchange for lunch.  It's unclear what
he thinks congressmen should do in exchange for all their
'free lunches', but whiting sepulchres would seem to be
Phil Robertson Sez:  “I never, with my eyes, saw the mis-
treatment of any duckhunter in blackface.  Not once."
Phil Robertson Sez:  "Were blacks happy under
 Jim Crow? They were godly; they were happy; 
no one was singing the blues."
The homosexual community was relieved to learn today
that the men of Duck Dynasty are not gay.
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #37
Malcolm Gladwell

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #533
Cathy McMorris Rodgers
The Next President Won't Save Us---
And James Poulos Won't Either
Bill O'Reilly's Exhibit A in His Amicus Curiae Brief in
Support of Megyn Kelly's 'Santa Is White' Case
"If you have a Concealed Penis Permit, don't forget 
to clean your weapon at least once a week. Particularly 
if you have an inside-the-pants holster, lint from your 
clothing may gather inside your gun, which could 
cause a critical failure in the event that you actually 
need to use your weapon. Don't let that happen." 
"If I have seen farther it is by standing on the shoulders 
of giants."
Flag Desecration #71
'Lawyer Jokes Supply Dives to 36-Year Low'

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Steve Stockman Sez:  "Goodbye, Cruel World!"
World's Worst Yobs #296
Lant Pritchett
Fox News Personality to Launch News Organization
Next Year
New, Improved Movie Classic to Be
Shown on Fox Network
Like his friendship with Jonathan Krohn, Bill O'Reilly's
belief that Santa Claus was a white man has been shown
by a recent DNA test to be 100% fictitious.
Cardinal Raymond Burke Loses Job with Spanish Inquisition
David Brooks Sez:  "The tragedy of middle-aged fame is that 
the fullest glare of attention comes just when a person is 
most acutely aware of his own mediocrity." 
[Brooks is 52. This description fits him like a 
glove on a fat lady's fist.]

Monday, December 16, 2013

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #532
Bob Rucho

Sunday, December 15, 2013

"Corporal Earl Grey reporting, sir!  Steeping time and water
temperature all set for high tea with Speaker Boehner."
"Pardon me, but could you tell me how to find
the nearest restroom?  I just drank a 44-oz. 
Big Gulp and I gotta pee real bad!"
Air Scuba Divers Dancing to the Music of Air Guitarists
The nurse-anaesthesiologist had hoped to go gently into
that good night.  But it didn't work out that way.
Predator's Mother Contemplating 
the Ideal Vienna Sausage
According to a recent study, staring at boobs extends a man's 
life by five years.  OK, so what if Rush Limbaugh lives five
 years longer than expected?  So do people who sleep properly. 
Bill O'Reilly's cat will be glad when 
Christmas is over and Santa Claus
leaves town.
Infant Removes Pope Francis's Zucchetto,
Reveals Closely-Guarded Vatican Secret
“By the way, Republicans don’t have a problem 
with women.  They have a problem with un-
married women who think, ‘No, we don’t 
need national defense, we need our birth 
control paid for.’  And why? Because 
single women look at the government 
as their husbands.”  
"Should we assume, Ms. Coulter, you're
 not in that category?"
"Yes, I'm an Ugly Duchess and I don't
need birth control."
The Alex Jones Locomobile is coming to town. Are you ready?
Grandpa Walnuts Doing His Popeye Doyle Impression
World's Worst Yobs #295
John Tamny