Saturday, October 25, 2008

"No, Mr. Davis, I don't need someone to fuck up my
campaign for President of the United States. I just
need someone smart enough to program my remote."
Before the Great Crash of 2008, there were many
Croesus Monkeys on Wall Street.
Profile in Greed
"Major Stryker here, Commander McCain! We're ready to
surge to the White House, sir, as soon as you give the order
to execute Plan L, M, or whatever letter we're up to in the
goddam alphabet!"
If Rafael Nadal can fly 127 miles per hour without a rocket
suit, can you imagine how fast Commando Cody was flying
in Radar Men From the Moon?

According to a McCain campaign aide, Sarah Palin wiggles her
nose like a rabbit when she begins to "go rogue" in one of her
public pronouncements. "I think she really enjoys wiggling her
nose and wants to go even more rogue," he added while nibbling
on a carrot.
Team McCain is now kicking itself for spending too much
on Sarah Palin's makeup and too little on Ashley Todd's.
The Day Vogue Editor Anna Wintour Didn't Get the
Memo Re: 'Cancellation of Palin Fall Collection'
After Ann Althouse took 'an explicit vow of cruel neutrality',
even close friends got her confused with Jim Lindgren.
"Ya know, Cindy, I've always believed the whiter the better.
Maybe I was wrong."
“Thank God, Governor Palin is not going to have to be
President from day one. Or day two. Or day three. Or . . . ."
And that's when they removed their brown shirts.
People are so dissatisfied these days they aren't
even satisfied with the Satisfaction Chart.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Police began to doubt Ashley Todd's story when the college
Republican from Texas said she thought the attacker who
scratched a backwards B on her cheek was dyslexic.
Young Republican at Play in What Josh Marshall Calls
the "Mighty Cauldron of Fetid McCainite Sleaze"

During the first two weeks of October, the McCain campaign
spent $22,800 on Sarah Palin's hair and makeup. You would
think at $1,628.57 a day, they could make her look more like
Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan or Laetitia Casta.
If you were an investment banker, it wasn't a good time
to be seen on Wall Street.
He knew he shouldn't have eaten that last habanero.
World's Worst Yobs #54
Tony Perkins
First, he resigned. Then, he was fired. What's next
for Scott Bloch, former head of the DOJ's Office of
Special Counsel? Defenestration?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

"I'm free, I'm free, and freedom tastes of reality!"
“But, you see, my friends," the Senator said,
"the Governor needed clothes at the time.”
The straw that finally broke the camel's back was when Senator
McCain said you could plant enough corn in the furrows in
President Bush's forehead to feed a family of four at Taco Bell.
President Bush was beginning to suspect that not even the
Secret Service could keep Mad McCain at bay.
"The outfit I wore the night John was nominated at the
cost over $300,000. Compared to me, Sarah
Palin is a Target shopper!"
Bumper Sticker Seen on Tony Scalia's Limo

Drudgery Report #7
Having to monitor the Drudge Report
every day would be drudgery.
With all of his secret plans to capture Osama bin Laden,
eliminate corruption and greed on Wall Street, prevent a
terrorist attack on the U. S., and balance the budget in four
years, Senator McCain would be the ideal guest for a very
popular TV show of the 1950s.
“Did I say 'liberals hate real Americans that work and achieve
and believe in God'? At first I thought I didn't say it. Then I
couldn't recall saying it. Now I think I never thought I didn't
say it. And tomorrow? Well, I probably won't remember what
I'm saying right now."
Michael Chertoff says a change in U.S. President may spur
a terror plot. Or it may not. Either way, be afraid.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

"Is this all the Associated Press has for me these days---
'Sprinkles' Sidoti and a box of frigging donuts?"
Anyone who is persuaded to vote for a presidential candidate
on the basis of 15-second TV ads is probably the same person
who likes to watch the Miracle Blade III slice through wall
tiles, hard rubber, and copper pipe.
Keeping Our Republican Presidents Straight

"I am not Dwight Eisenhower."

"I am not Richard Nixon."
"I am not Gerald Ford."
"I am not Ronald Reagan."
"I am not George H. W. Bush."
"I am not George Bush."
"In short," writes Chris Cillizza, "like him or hate him, Zippy
remains VERY much in the mix as a 2012 candidate."
"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Senator McCain,
but The Politico says the cavalry ain't coming!"
Hardball Host's Reaction When Michele Bachmann Said,
"Chris Matthews Laid a Trap, And I Walked Into It."
If Rush Limbaugh's Tribalist Theory of Voter Motivation
were true, why hasn't Condi Rice endorsed Barack Obama?
Mr. & Mrs. Joe Twelvepack
The source who told the New York Post last week about
Michelle Obama getting lobster and caviar delivered to her
room at the Waldorf-Astoria (even though she wasn't even
staying there) must have been under the influence of
Rupert Murdoch.
The accusation that Joe the Plumber gets $400 haircuts
does seem to be a bit over the top, don't you think?
Republican Party to Donate Expensive Shoes to Charity
While Governor Palin Still in Them

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder Assail Jesus the Carpenter
for Endorsing Barack the Do-It-Your-Selfer
What's wrong with a world where $150 million can be raised in
one month for a political campaign while Afghan refugees are
begging for a bowl of porridge?
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #6
The Irreducibles
On November 4th, They Want McCain to Win