Obama Hails 5,000 More NATO Forces for Afghanistan; "Hope Comes Through the Barrel of a Gun," He Says
World's Worst Jobs #93 Chinese Cement Plant Worker
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #25 Richard Burr
Mike Tyson, Man of Steele
We live in such an unhinged world that the First Lady of the United States cannot hug children in London, England, without five Secret Service agents hovering over her.
Rush Limbaugh in Cinerama
Levi Johnston Chosen to Play Major Role in New Fox Network Soap Opera, Palin Place
What sets champion cliche users apart is their ability to write 'dial back', 'walk back' and 'push back', simultaneously.
Larry Summers, director of the White House National Economic Council, received $2.77 million in 2008 for giving about 40 speeches, mostly to Wall Streeters. That's about $69,000 per speech. Incidentally, you didn't know it, but you have been charged for the privilege of looking at this picture of him giving one of those speeches. Your invoice is already in the mail.
Those who knew her well said she was a ticking time bomb.
Ladies En Route to One of Erick Erickson's 'Rinso Party' Protests
Survivors of South Carolina Man Learn That Procrustes Worked at the Cave Funeral Home
Representative Anh Cao (R-LA) promised to be an 'independent' voice in Congress. Here's how that has worked out: first, say you're inclined to vote for the stimulus bill and the President's budget, then, second, at the last minute, vote in lockstep with your party against them. Now that's independence we can believe in!
World's Worst Yobs #88 Bill Hemmer
Friday, April 03, 2009
Minnie Mouse Shortly Before She Received a Pink Slip from Disney World; "Mickey Will More Than Satisfy Our Mouse Needs During These Rough Economic Times," Park Managers Said
"Will mass shootings in the United States end any time soon?" someone has asked. What a naive question! Whoever asked it obviously doesn't understand America's longstanding and well-established 'gun culture'. Gun ownership in the USA isn't an accidental freak of nature; it's a religion. And your best chance of surviving this destructive immortality ideology is, quite simply, to not be in the wrong place at the wrong time--like, say, Binghamton, New York, at the American Civic Association, on April 3, 2009.
"Is Michelle the New Oprah?" Tina Brown asks. Could've been worse. The proprietor of The Daily Beast could've asked, "Is Michelle the New Tina?"
For her supporting role at the G20 Summit in London, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton certainly deserves a thumbs up, don't you think?
Representative Lamar Smith (R-TX) Trying to Hypnotize a Robotic Sunflower
Ludovic Guillou has flying dreams the rest of us can only imagine.
"As Michael Steele's sister and my former wife, Monica, is there anything you could possibly do in the future to top your past?"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #24 Oliver North
Is there life beyond video games? Ms. Pacman says, "Apparently!"
Chester Cheetah says: "When it's time for another Tea Party, rightbloggers, don't forget the Cheetos!"
Even the Colossus of Chicago couldn't keep Sarko the Giant's mind from wandering.
Revolutionary New Back Treatment Uses Common, Everyday Poker Chips
"The Colossus of Chicago isn't really taller than me. It's just an optical illusion."
In his dreams, he was riding the rails during the First Great Depression.
Sarko the Giant was never quite the same after his encounter with the Colossus of Chicago.
"You, Bill O'Reilly, are a villainously and criminally obscene human being, incompetent even to fulfill your own self-serving agenda."
Even though it has five letters and literally means 'good', bonus, in our time, has been made an honorary four-letter word.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
The Christian concept of 'forgiveness' sounds appealing until you get down to cases. Should we forgive Donald Rumsfeld, for instance? Maybe Jesus has the power to forgive him, but mere mortals, like you and me, have a much harder time, knowing, as we do, how much blood is on his hands and how many sorrows he has inflicted on our species.
"Agreed, Mr. President! If you refrain from trying to peer into my soul, I'll do the same."
When you hear the phrase, 'morally neutered', Colin Powell always comes to mind. Why is that?
I Remember Dubya #17 Whether 'manliness' as a quality needed to be kicked down a notch or two, Dubya certainly achieved that and more.
If you don't listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio, Andrew Klavan says "you're a lowdown, yellow-bellied, lily-livered intellectual coward" who is "terrified of finding out he makes more sense than you do." He also says, "Please buy my books!"
Baby Otters Sleep Through the Apocalypse
Looking for a great gag gift? Yes? Well, have you considered this 315-page compend of Michael Chertoff's speeches? Guaranteed to make the recipient gag, or your money back!
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
"I understand you're a big fan of the Butthole Surfers, one of the most underrated alternative rock bands of the last quarter-century. Well, I'll let you in on a closely-guarded secret, Rush: I am too!"
Is Rush Limbaugh's anal fixation a symptom of idiosyncratic lust or just plain old perversion?
British Royalty Meet Stars of Their Favorite 1960s TV Show, Land of the Giants
House Republican Rolls Out Alternative Budget
Look deep into Representative Paul Ryan's baby blues and you can see for miles and miles and miles and miles.
President Obama needs a press secretary with the cojones Robert Gibbs lacks.
Owner of Motorized Barstool Arrested for Driving Under the Influence; Police Doubt Driver's Claim He Had Only Consumed Fifteen Beers
"Highbrows and foodies call me a 'bearded ruminant', but you can just call me a 'goat'."
When he heard that Bill O'Reilly was sending Jesse Watters to stalk and ambush him, the UPS driver said, "Bring him on!"
Michael Bloomberg, the richest person in New York City, wishes the 12.5 million Americans currently unemployed a very prosperous and happy April Fools' Day.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Rush Limbaugh is looking tanned and fit after basking in the sunlight of a national poll showing that his favorability rating currently stands at 19%.