Saturday, February 16, 2013

"I've been a scoundrel ever since I was knee-high 
to a turd blossom."
"Are you telling me you've never heard of the 3 Fs?"
"Let's compromise, Representative Brown:  we'll put
duct tape over our nipples and you'll put a paper bag
over your head."
"Has anybody seen me lately?"
"What did you say your name was again, sir?"
So what if Paul Krugman has been awarded
 the John Bates Clark Medal from the American 
Economics Association and the Nobel Memorial
 Prize in Economics.  Joe Scarborough has 
received the 'Friend of the Taxpayer Award' 
from Grover Norquist and the 'Spirit of Enterprise 
Award' from the U. S. Chamber of Commerce.
Warm Scuzzies #371
Manny Pacquiao
Would someone please call the SPCA?
LeAnn Rimes Has 'Dental Nightmare',
 Wakes Up After Nine Root Canals 
with 'Permanent Cosmetic Deficiency'
Kentucky Rope-Smoker Calls for Legalization
of Hemp

Friday, February 15, 2013

"We must remember, comrade, what Scotty said at
the conclusion of The Thing From Another World:
'I bring you a warning: Everyone of you listening 
to my voice, tell the world, tell this to everybody 
wherever they are. Watch the skies. Everywhere. 
Keep looking. Keep watching the skies'."
It must be tough to be Ken Vogel and work for The
Politico, and not be Nate Silver.
Chuck Hagel will think twice before he crosses
Mean Muley McGrudge again.
"Now that I've signed on with Fox News, Joe, I'll put
in a good word for you the next time Mr. Ailes asks me 
to recommend a plumber."
Carnival Cruz
C'mon, Tail-Gunner Ted!
The whole world wants to
watch you do the 
'Harlem Shake'!
It Came from Outer Space---Again!
It was a day late, but his Valentine's Day
card from FreedomWorks had arrived.
It was the sentiment that counted.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #471
Bill Kintner
George Zimmerman has gained 105 pounds since he
murdered Trayvon Martin a year ago.  We need to try
 this vigilante before he becomes Rush Limbaugh's
Trump's Old Casino Sells, Changes Name to 
'Rump Plaza'
NYC Won't Jail Those Caught with a Little Pot

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Flabbergasted Hagel Filibustered by Flibbertigibbets
Low-Tech Chubby Checker Gets Panties in a
Twist over High-Tech 'Chubby Checker'
Modern-Day Cupid Eschews Bow and Arrow
in Favor of 12 Gauge Shotgun
"He claims he's Chris Christie's Valentine."
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #470
Tom Corbin
Naughty FreedomWorks Pandas Facing
Disciplinary Action
Warm Scuzzies #370
Matt Kibbe
"They tempted him to drink
And they said he was a cow'rd
And at last he grabbed the fatal bottle of water."

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Just looking at former Lieutenant-General
Jerry Boykin makes his pee-shame and 
latrine-angst visible.
The World's Best Known, Most Famous NRA-Hole
"Despite what you may have seen in the
 movies, I'm neither 'The Deadly Mantis' 
nor 'The Preying Mantis'.  No, I'm the
 'Praying Mantis on Stilts', and I hope
 you are capable of comprehending
the difference."
"Were I to summarize, students, what I've put up on the board,
I would simply say, 'Why?'."
"Why was I born in Utah?  Why am I a Mormon?
Why am I a Republican?  Why am I a Senator?
Why am I Orrin Hatch?  Maybe it's freedom. 
Yeah, it must be freedom."
"Why not 11?" the policeman wondered.
"It's gotta be louder."
"Attention, everybody!  Scott Brown has decided to
follow me into political oblivion.  Let's hear a round
of applause for this incredibly sexy loser!"
As the bottle of Poland Spring water awaited its cameo 
appearance in Marco Rubio's SOTU movie, it couldn't 
figure out why its label was reversed in the mirror, since
it was looking in the opposite direction.
"Who is Ron Paul?"  
"Well, he's the spiritual son of Ayn Rand and the 
physical father of Rand Paul.  And, for the ladies in the 
audience, he's also one of the world's oldest, wildest,
 and craziest gynecologists."
World's Worst Yobs #278
Rob Port
"OMG!  Grilled Confederate Hallapenyas!  Hoosha!"
"Undead?  No, I wouldn't say I'm undead, exactly.
Don't let my eyes fool you." 
"I was the first member of Congress to call Barack Obama
 a socialist who embraces Marxist-Leninist policies."
"That's good to know, Dr. Broun, but I'd still like to
 find out whether you think Preparation-H is physically,
or only psychologically, addictive."
I Remember Dubya #57
The bad news first, Mr. Secretary:  there will be no more
wrestling at the Olympics beginning in 2020.  But now, 
Mr. Secretary, the good news:  there will be a new 
sport to take its place:  Aggressive Non-Interventionist 
Dubya Tossing.
She had just learned that Scott Brown
was the latest Republican loser to
become a Fox News contributor.
Christopher Dorner to Star in 
Ash Wednesday, a Re-Make of
Sylvester Stallone's Reaganite
Breakthrough Hit, First Blood
It was a pseudo-event made in wooden irony heaven:  
a man---who's not from Cuba plugging a beverage
 that's not from Poland---appearing in a SOTU 
mockumentary about the nation's saliva deficit.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #469
Diana Medley
Man Who Died from Heart Attack Had Genetic 
Predisposition to Eat Triple Bypass Burgers
"I threatened the President?  Are you kidding me?  Why
 don't you just say that I'm a gay pirate? You've got 
to be kidding me.  And as for that Rhode Island rep 
who's paralyzed and in a wheelchair from a shooting 
accident when he was a kid, he probably has shit 
for brains."
First Cop:  "Who's that?"
Second Cop:  “It’s Ted Nugent.  He’s a rock star, 
he talks about guns.”
First Cop:  “Really?  Never heard of him.”